Hate to Love and Back Part 2
by Hasselhoff
Summary: COMPLETE:: AU Carter and Abby and Bryce. Continuation of Hate to Love and Back. Joint with AbbyLockhart2
1. Chapter 76 a brighter day

Authors Note- OKay so You are probably all sitting there going what the hell? Whyd id she post a new story with the same title... The answer? When I went to uplaod the other chapters, I am assuming the other was too big, I would just get the outline of the page, I wouldn't get all the scroll bars and stuff... But I did for all my other fics chapter installment pages. Make any sense? Probably not. I am not sure if it is my computer, or if it is FF.net. Either way I am forced to start a brand new story despite it so this chapter 76! Thanks for your patience while I worked all this out. I apologize for not being able to upload a chapter yesterday, I just recently realised whta the problem was.   
  
~*~  
  
I deserved that. I really deserved that. As much as my back might not have, it's definitely not helping my cause. I don't know what I'm doing here. Hell I don't even know how I got here. I'm just here, and I hope it's real. I hope I'm not dreaming. I summon enough courage to look up at her, she just slapped Bryce, pretty hard might I add. He might have not deserved that either. I hear his footsteps running off towards some room, the door slamming. I don't know what to say. I expect her to react the same way, to push me away. She has every reason to. And then internally I hope to god she doesn't because I would loose every reason to live. I slowly get up, standing only a few feet away from her, a look of surprise, shock, and hate all strewn across her face. I expected it. I'm lying again. I didn't. I keep on hoping somehow she'll forgive me. The door is still open. She hasn't shut me out completely. Just looking at, sends tears flowing down my cheeks. I dreamt of her, I can't live without her, and now she's here, living, breathing, flesh. Not an illusion I've kept alive. She's real.   
  
She's shaking her head in disbelief at me, I can't let her go. No. I refuse to let go. I gently, cautiously start moving closer to her, she moves farther away. For every step I take closer, she takes one back, getting farther away from me. I halt in the doorway, the pain is coming out in her eyes. I hate myself for everything I've done to her. I can feel the tears coming down, I make no effort to stop them.   
  
"I'm sorry..."  
  
I manage to emit it through sobs. There's nothing else to say. There's nothing I can say to her. I pray she can forgive me, somehow manage to take me back. She shouldn't. Hell someone should yell at her, never to let me back in her life again. Build up those stone walls all over again. I'm breaking down. God so many emotions pouring out, too many to describe, nothing coming out, nothing happening the way I wished it would. But what had I expected. I left without a trace, changed their lives for the worse. I just look at her, if there was any way to express what I am feeling then I would, but I can't find a single way. And it's so frustrating. I love her. I love her more than anything in this world, so much I would give my life up if it would mean that she would be happy and healthy. I divert my gaze from her to the floor. I can't hold this pain in any longer. I can't stand right in front of her and not be able to tell her everything. All those miserable nights alone, all those tears, the constant thoughts of her that flooded my days. She controls me like nothing ever has. I feel her delicate touch sweeping the tears away from my cheeks. I'm a goddamn wreck without her. She's standing mere centimetres apart, my heart beating faster than it ever has before, my pulse racing, my world spinning. Nothing else exists but her. The back of her hand runs over my cheek again. I need her. I need her more than air to breath, if I never see the light of day I would sacrifice it all to be with her just one more night. Just to hold her.   
  
If I could only tell her how much I really love her, how sorry I am. She wouldn't believe any of it, but I wish she would. My hand reaches up to hers, holding it. She looks up at me, the expression on her face eased, tears brimming her eyes, she's trying to hold them back. I know she is. I know she's battling within herself to push me away. But some things are harder than others.   
  
"Are you... are you real?"   
  
I sigh gently, captivated by her voice, the sound of a thousand angels could not compare. I nod my head, awaiting condemnation. She just looks at me, biting on her bottom lip, unsure of what to do. I'm unsure of what to do. I could start to explain, apologize, but it would seem pointless. There is nothing to be said or done, just felt. Words can only say so much, but feelings, feelings come deep from the heart. I feel her soft frame reach around me, digging into me, the warmth of her breath and the cold tears come raging at me at once. And I hold her, the only thing that makes me believe that this moment is real. I'm finally real. The weights that I've carried for months have finally been let free, I feel renewed, alive. I finally feel truly happy. Happiness always comes with a price, but I'm ready to pay it, at any circumstances. I just, I need her. I need her. I don't know how long we've stood there. It could be centuries. It doesn't matter, I can't let go. Not now, not ever. Soul mates, fate, destiny, it's all brought us together for a reason. I stopped asking those stupid questions why and just followed them. I need to let myself take a chance, I need to follow my heart. It's been here all along, god why did it take me so long to realize it. I kiss the top of her forehead. How I've missed the little things, the scent of her shampoo, her touch, her laugh. Her. Just her. Nothing will ever take her away from me. I pull her closer to me. I can't get her close enough. I can't believe I've missed so much in only a few short months. I can't believe its possible to love someone so much that it induces pain. And that love can never surpass life. She is my life.  
  
"I love you."  
  
I've never meant it more in my life. Through those simple three words I promised her a lifetime of devotion. I will never leave her, hurt her, only cherish her, adore her. She is my angel, my life is again worth living. Never again will I send her through the hell that we both lived through. Never again will I ever cause her to hurt so much. I still can't believe that I'm here, that this is real. I still think that it's a cruel, twisted dream and I will wake up alone in an empty bed. But it's not. It's true to life. It's her. Flesh and bones. Everything that she is, her faults, her weaknesses, her problems. I'll take it all. Love her for every single thing she is. In the worst of times and the best, through happiness and sorrow, I'll always be there. No matter what. No more running away.   
  
She pulls away from me a bit, probably having the same thoughts as I was. This isn't a dream. I lightly kiss her tears away, a small smile forming, hesitant, afraid, but there. I'm shaking. I'm completely shaking. I have never been more terrified in my whole life. I'm terrified of loosing her, of not having her with me every single day of my life. It took me so long to realize this, too long. I see her in my life forever, not just for the next year, or next two years. Every time I look at her, I picture her in my life, for the rest of my life. I wouldn't make it any other way. It's amazing.   
  
She pulls my hand, heading to the couch. We sit down, facing each other. My hand reaches up to her face, rubbing her red check. She's absolutely real. I have to keep reassuring myself. In her eyes I still see the hate and scorn, and I don't expect it to disappear right away. It will be there. But as long as there is some hope, I'll do anything to make up, to fix it. Some things will be easier than others, but I'll work on. We'll work on it. I look at her fingers, her hand, her face, her eyes, her nose, her hair. Everything. It's all gained new meaning to me. She's gained new meaning to me. She's my sunshine, my life. I pull her closer towards me. The distance is still distance. I need to feel her in my arms, or else she might disappear again. And I doubt I would ever recover. I wish there were words I could say. But there's nothing that would tell her how much I really love her. Somehow I think she knows. And god I hope she feels the same. She curls up against me, arms reaching as far as they can around me. She's as close as she can be, yet she can never be close enough. I stopped caring about my tears, my eyes are stinging and burning from the overdrive I've sent them on. We're both breathing hard, bodies trembling, minds mixed with emotions. Nothing has ever felt more right. Through everything that we could have gone through, this might have been the ultimate test. I failed. I know I failed, but somehow I've managed to pass. I rock back and forth with her. The cold air from the window hitting us both, making us shiver, a reason more to hold tighter. My hand runs up and down the small of her back, my other hand pushing the hair out of her beautiful face. She's real. This is real. I can't convince myself of that yet. I look her in her eyes, so afraid, so open, so vulnerable.   
  
"I'm so sorry."  
  
She closes her eyes, shedding the last few tears. I doubt we have any more left.   
  
"Never say your sorry. Just promise me you won't leave."   
  
I give her a small smile.   
  
"Never again."  
  
She pushes the tears out of my eyes.   
  
"I love you."  
  
Who knew three simple words could move planets? Realign the stars? Bring fate and destiny together? Who knew it was possible to love someone so much that the earth moved and the heavens opened? Who knew love could be so blinding and controlling? Who knew we would fall in love headfirst and forever?   
  
Who knew?  
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
I would wish I never met him, but today, toady I am so glad I did, because anyone who can make me feel like this so quickly is definitely worth keeping around. He moves forward and kisses my forehead gently. I sit up closer to him, and our lips meet, soft at first, then our kisses deepen, months of passion to make up for keeps us from parting, I am out of breath, but I can't stop.  
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
Kitkatgurl- Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy our fic... We definitely enjoy twists and turns.... it keeps things interesting.  
  
katybaby2318- Your name is so close to mine I thought I reviewed this... I was like whoa? I don't remember reviewing haha moving on lol- love the name tho hehe. Definetly Carbyfuzz. It can always be expected, later rather then sooner of course.  
  
CamilaC- We love long reviews, I am glad she is still in love with Carter, but don't worry its not smooth sailing, at least not right of the bat, we let her be a little ticked, she just has a momentary memory lapse, that prevent her from remembering what a butthead he was :P  
  
CamilaC (CHAP 74)- Don't worry Annette isn't gone forever, we like Annette too, but she is way to perfect.   
  
CamilaC (CHAP 73) Nope I am not spoiler free, I couldn't live with being spoiler free, I love reading spoilers I just read the ones for 10.16 hehe morris is such a moron, I think the Sam/ Luka stuff will be amusing.   
  
CamilaC (CHAP 72) Carter's just being a dildo (my new favourite word, I'm not really sure why though) As you know he gets over it, I think he had a memory lapse too. 


	2. Chapter 77 in my arms

Authors Note-Okay another update....this update and yesterdays were suppose to be up a few days ago so the review responses are kinda old lol... Don't worry the new ones will be up asap.   
  
His hands run all over my body, I can't believe I took him back so easily, but what can I say? He's my weakness. The tears continue to fall, I can't help it, I love him. Sometimes I wish I didn't, I would wish I never met him, but today, toady I am so glad I did, because anyone who can make me feel like this so quickly is definitely worth keeping around. He moves forward and kisses my forehead gently. I sit up closer to him, and our lips meet, soft at first, then our kisses deepen, months of passion to make up for keeps us from parting, I am out of breath, but I can't stop. Nothing can ruin this, its perfect, so peaceful, just John and I and all the emotions we have hidden from one another. I can't believe I ever lived with out him. 'I'm just living on a perfect day-' Our lips part, our heads looking towards the bedroom mere feet away. John looks at me sadly, I pull him in for another hug as the music plays loudly. "He's hurt." I whisper. I can feel him nod, I am hurt too, he just left, I know I knew why, but he never wrote to me, he wrote to Bryce once, but that was it. For some reason I can't be angry with him, he's just perfect to me right now.   
  
He looks at me and smiles, "I missed you Abby." I smile back, wiping the tears off of my face, I want this moment to last forever, but I know it can't. We have to deal with our problems, we have to confront them head on. Then he has to do the same with Bryce that is the only way we will ever work. If we are honest with each other, and god knows I want this to work. He reaches for my hand and runs his thumb over the back of it. He slowly intertwines our fingers, wow, I never realised how much I missed little things like this. "I love you." He leans in for a kiss, a soft one, barley there, but it is. He pulls away caressing my face with his hand. "We have to talk John-" He knows this is serious. How could it not be? On top of him leaving, then dating another women, we are both recovering addicts, and we are having a baby together, granted he doesn't know about it, but I can't wear this sweater forever. "I know, I just want to be with you right now." He scoots closer to me, I move further away wanting to be in his arms, have his lips on my skin, but be can't be together until we have worked everything out, we have to air out that dirty laundry, and there is at least three loads worth. He looks at me, then leans against the couch, "you're right, I'm sorry." He runs his fingers through his hair.   
  
"How are you." I curl one leg under the other, trying to prepare myself for whatever may happen tonight. "Uh- better, I haven't used in four months." He smiles. "I am doing better, I am closer with my mother now. My father too." I nod, I want to go deeper then this, he knows it too. "I am sorry for everything that happened, I want to tell you it will never happen again, but as an addict you know that we take a day at a time, a step at a time. I can't make any promises, but I can make a guarantee that I will love you no matter what."   
  
"I love you John, but what happened when you were using was just- it was the worst thing I have ever experienced, I guess that must be what its like for Bryce when I am drunk, but I-" The tears are coming back, I close my eyes hoping to wish them away, they don't leave. "I was horrible to you, it may take a while before you want to be with me again and I completely understand." He is being great, maybe rehab and therapy works, he is the same old John Carter I once knew and loved. "I want to be with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I pause and look at him, "We have to make it right first, and that includes you fixing your issues with Bryce, its going to take a while. He is so stubborn, and you know that. First though we have to work through everything."   
  
"Trust." He says just loud enough so I can hear it. "I have to learn to trust you with the drinking, and you have to learn to trust me with the using." I agree, trust became a big issue near the end of our relationship. I also fear him a little bit, I know every time he hurt me it was the drugs, at least I think it was. "When you hit me." I swallow trying to gather the courage I need to say what I am about to say. "Well push actually," I nervously tuck my hair behind my ears. "When you grabbed and pushed me, you were using every time... Right?" I bite my bottom lips, he opens his mouth slightly then closes it. "No." He says honestly. No? When did all this start, I am so confused right now! "What?" I say a little peeved. "The first night I grabbed you, when I bruised your arm-" Both of our eyes go directly for my arm. "When I grabbed you and squeezed you so tightly-" He starts to choke on his words, unable to say what he really wants too. "When I did that, I was sober, I was completely mortified with my actions that I went home and took some pills. At the time I convinced myself they were just to help me sleep. Now though I know they were not for that purpose." he scratches his arm. "They were to take away all the pain I was feeling at the time, all the pain I was causing you." He looks around the room, I can't look any where, but his face. "So you hurt me." I say this more to myself then I do to him. Our eyes lock, neither knowing what to say next. It was a very bad time in our relationship, I know he did not mean to hurt me, I don't even think he meant to grab me, but it happened. "I'm sorry- I never-" He shakes his head, this adds a whole new spin on things, although I am not sure why, because I didn't think he was using when it happened and I was semi- okay with it then. "Lets, lets just start fresh okay?" I smile through the tears. He nods reluctantly, he knows I am still a little sceptical, but I love him, and he is not a women abuser, well not as far as I know, what can I say, I was quite violent towards him from time to time also.   
  
"Hey," Bryce walks into the room, his face stained with tears, he walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. "You could just forgive him?" He whispers. I pull away from our embrace and look at my son, "Bryce-" He shakes his head and walks over to Carter, he is going to give him an earful, I will stop him if it gets out of hand, but I have to let them make their peace. "Why didn't you say goodbye?" He says quietly,   
  
"I couldn't" Bryce nods, then leaves, I am not sure what the point of that was, maybe he is taking it one step at a time. "Bryce-" I call out to him, he turns around, "What do you want on your pizza?"   
  
"I'm not hungry." I know that he will talk to John when he is ready, I am just not sure when that will be.   
  
I move closer to him and he wraps his arm loosely around my waist. I love being with him again, I just hope it lasts, I don't want to put my self through hell again if he is not going to stick around, granted I did end it the first time. "miscommunication." I mumbled, he pulls away from me slightly, "Huh?"  
  
"We have a big communication issue." He continues to look at me funny.  
  
"Yeah, but that's not our big-"  
  
"John, when we broke up the first time, it was because I didn't let you explain, I just jumped to conclusions, and then when you started using and I started drinking it was because neither of us could talk to each other without yelling." I say somewhat fiercely.  
  
"Okay, I just don't want to fight." I push myself off him then walk over to the kitchen. "I just want to-"  
  
"No John! See we can't even talk now, you just want everything perfect so we end up hiding what is really bothering us. Maybe if we just started talking to each other to begin with then we wouldn't have ended up in this mess." I scream.  
  
"I agree." He nods, walking towards me. Its like he's different, but he is trying to avoid a confrontation. He tries to pull me closer to him but I resist. "NO! Listen, I want to talk I don't want sex, or hugging." I say struggling against him.  
  
"FINE! Jesus. I just want to be with you." He screams at me.  
  
"I want to be with you too. I just- I am afraid it will end the same way every other time has." I walk past him and over to Bryce's door shutting it. "Well it won't!"  
  
"How can you guarantee that? How can you promise that you won't use, or hurt me, or I won't drink."   
  
"I thought we already talked about this?" He continues to stare at me.  
  
"Yeah, well I guess it didn't do any good." I walk over to the kitchen sink and start to clean it up. "I want to be with you, you are the only one who has ever made me feel so in love. I had to come back, there was this women there, Annette-" I roll my eyes at her name. "She- she was great, but nothing compared to you. I could haev had this perfect life, but I don't want perfect. I don't want that life. The fake fairy tale life,"  
  
"So your saying I'm not perfect." I say pickle jar in hand.   
  
"NO!" He shouts at me. "YOU ARE NOT PERFECT!" He lowers his voice and looks at me. "That's what I love about you, its a ride, its us together and you make me feel great and I know if we work together we can get through any thing." He nod, he's right.  
  
"We just have to be honest and open." I sigh.  
  
"You're right about communication." He runs his fingers through his hair. "We can't break up all the time either." He finishes.  
  
"Yeah, that takes a toll on everyone." We lock gazes for a moment. "I'm starving, lets get pizza." I pick up the phone, "We can deal with rest over pizza." I start to dial the number, "BRYCE!" He walks out of his room, as I am on hold with the pizza place. "What do you want on your pizza?" He shrugs,   
  
"Um- pepperoni," I look at Carter who just shrugs. "I'll have what you're having."   
  
"Oh no you don't want that." Bryce interferes.   
  
"Uh- okay, then I'll share with Bryce." The pizza guy answers the phone   
  
"Hi, uh I'll have 2 large pizzas, one with pepperoni, the other with anchovies, and chicken." Carter gives me a disgusted look. "Oh and three cokes-"  
  
"You shouldn't have caffeine mom." Bryce adds.  
  
"Oh, just two cokes, and a chocolate milk." I hang up and Carter is looking at me weird, he then turns to Bryce who shrugs, then walks into his room. "Are you going to eat out here sweetie?" I call to him.   
  
"Is HE going to be here still?"   
  
"YES!" I shriek,  
  
"then NO!" I want Carter and Bryce to talk, I know Carter and I are not really back together yet, but I still want them to get the relationship they had back.  
  
"Don't worry about it I'll talk to him." Carter says staring at me weirdly. "Why are you getting all that stuff on your pizza? And are you sure you can eat a whole one by yourself?" I nod my head yes, maybe I should tell him?   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
MrsWyle- Happy... well things get interesting, but I think its more of an amusing intersting then anything else.  
  
ER-Carby-Luva- Yeah I like some of those names too!  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - You don't like the boys names? Meh me neither really lol, I love the name Hayden though.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead (CHAP 74) Don't worry its definietely gonna be Carby there are about 30 chapters left.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead (CHAP 73) I HATE NOSY TEACHERS GRRR Abby told her though hehe  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead(CHAP 72)- Carter was just delusional   
  
IDontWriteIJustRead (CHAP 71) Of course he is, of course he is.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead (CHAP 70)- Thank you! I'm proud of u :D  
  
Lisa- No worries, we love long reviews, he's back... I thought he deserved to be shoved haha, that was from Bryce, Sylvia and I. For the dickhead he's becoming in the show lol.  
  
JanBry- We did a little fast tracking, we had to pass somtime it will be explained later if it starts to get too confusing :) She 'annouced' her pregnancy on the roof in chap 71 or 73 lol i don't remmebr... those chapters are working now :D   
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
Her arms wrap closer around me, her voice soothing the evils of the world away. I want to push her away. Tell her to leave me alone, to let go. She'll be better off without me. But I can't. I doubt I would ever be able to do it. I feel my body being led to the bedroom, the door shut and locked. I look at her, I expect to see a look of disappointment, but I get nothing but compassion. She leads me to her bed, softly pulling me down. 


	3. Chapter 78 fessing up

Authors Note- So I am unbelievably bad with updates lazy, so What I have been watching a lot of tv. Does that make me a bad person? I duno maybe. None the less, I have decided to give you another chapter for today. I have decided I am going to update one or two chapters a day for the next little while, because, well, it sort of ruins t he story if you get nine chapters at once. BWAHAHA! And I have exams in like 2 weeks and I was thinking about studying for them, so that could take up sometime, but I don't know if I am going to do that yet.  
  
I am sorry I didn't get a chapter out Thursday, for that I feel bad, cause that was the day that TPTB played nasty little tricks on us, and did horrible things. Despite Kem and Carter and them macking it up every chance they got, it must be said I loved that episode. IT ROCKED! I loved Abby, I thought she handled the situation awesomely, better then most people would. Also was I the only one who saw A LOT of Chemistry between Carter and Abby in the last scene?????   
  
Enough episode talk, heres the chapter:  
  
~*~  
  
I watch Abby finish her seventh slice of pizza. I had three and was full, and she doubled that without a thought. She throws her napkin onto the table and collapses against the sofa. I didn't know what to expect. I doubted even coming back here, but here I am, and she's only about a metre away from me. Distances can be so deceiving. We were supposed to talk over pizza, but we only got to small chit chatting. I guess we have bigger things to talk about. We are both so screwed up. And then Bryce would be a completely different matter. He refuses to even acknowledge my presence. If Abby and I are going to work, again, Bryce is going to have to be there to help us along the way. I never realized this either. He's probably the only reason we were together, why we stayed together, and how we gained strength together. I start to grab the garbage off the table and head towards the kitchen to throw it out. She watches me, I really can't tell what she's thinking. I wish I could. I put the glasses into the sink and lean over the counter at her.   
  
"Should I try talking to him?"  
  
She shrugs her shoulders and looks away, pulling her feet up to her chest.   
  
"Yeah."   
  
I take the last sip of my soda and put that glass into the sink as well. What am I going to tell him? What can I tell him? I don't want to do more damage than has already been done. I walk towards his room, the door still being shut. I knock lightly, but loud enough for him to hear it. I don't wait for a response and open it, walking in, and shutting it behind me. He's lying, sprawled out on the floor, unfinished pizza crusts lying on the blue plate. He's quite mesmerized by his game. I'll wait for him to loose, or to pause. I still don't know what I"m going to say to him. For Abby, I had a whole huge speech planned out, which I never got to. It just didn't fit. But Bryce, there is nothing I can do to make up for everything he's been through. I watch his action on the screen, and he eventually crashes the car, and the blinking "GAME OVER" sign comes on. He pushes the remote control away from him, but keeps on looking at the screen. The green and blue glow from it is the only light in the dark room. I can't see his face. I don't think I want to. I know what it must look like. And it would destroy me more than any words ever could.   
  
"What do you want?"  
  
He spits it out at me, and I know he's in a lot of agony.   
  
"To talk."  
  
He gives me an ironical little smirk.   
  
"You lost your chance."  
  
And I know I don't deserve a second.   
  
"Bryce..."  
  
He doesn't turn around. I'm standing a few feet above him. And I feel smaller than a bug.   
  
"No. Leave me alone."  
  
He's more like Abby every single day, building up those cement walls, that he will allow no one to bring down. I guess he has good reason to, but he's so young. He shouldn't have had to go through all this. He should be worried about school, games, friends, not taking care of his mother and protecting her.   
  
"I can't."  
  
He keeps on moving farther away from me.   
  
"Can't be more different than the first time."  
  
I bite on my bottom lip, I knew this would be hard. I don't know any other approach with him besides the truth. I don't know how he'll react, the judgement, the condemnation. But at least he'll know.   
  
"Bryce, I'm not going to give you excuses or explanations. If you'll listen, I'll tell you the truth."  
  
I wait for a response. Time seems to stretch out into hours. He finally turns around, gets up and turns on a lamp. He heads to a chair across the room. I don't follow him. It's probably the last thing he wants is to be close to me. He looks at me, crossing his arms in front of him, Abby's signature pout on his face. He glares at me, and in this light, I can see the red eyes that he's been trying to hide.   
  
"Well?"  
  
I look around the room. Where do I begin? I take a deep breath.   
  
"I'm a drug addict."  
  
He doesn't even flinch. I guess he somehow knew, if not through Abby then through gossip. I dig my hands deeper into my pockets. There's a barrier up, some sort of fortress that prevents me from going any farther into his room, any closer to him.   
  
"The first time... I was stabbed in the back with a six inch butcher knife at work. I spent almost a year trying to get my life back. That wasn't the worst part. My medical student, Lucy... She was the one that died. I guess sometimes I wish it had been me..."  
  
He stopped looking at me, searching for something to focus on.   
  
"And that's when I messed up... I kept on telling myself they were for the pain. Well, in a way they were, the mental pain I could never get rid of."  
  
He grits his teeth, his jaw forming a closer, stronger expression.   
  
"I was in Atlanta for three months. After that, I came back, I worked to get my life back."  
  
He shrugs his shoulders. I don't know why I'm telling him all this. It's the only thing I can think of to get through to him. Maybe he can somehow understand things I still haven't. I doubt I ever will fully know why I relapsed. Or why I formed an addiction in the first place. I just know it took control of my life for way too long.   
  
"I had it back. I had a great job, doing something I loved. Then I met you, and your mom. As much work as it might have been, it was perfect."  
  
I search for the right words. Bryce completes my thoughts.  
  
"It fell apart."  
  
I nod my head, slowly, cautiously.  
  
"Your mom and I, we hit a rough spot. It was that one night. She was drinking, and running away. I grabbed her. We needed to talk."  
  
I see him cringe slightly. He holds his arm as if I had actually done it to him.   
  
"I hadn't meant to do it. It was an accident. I just, I hurt her. I couldn't believe I hurt her."  
  
He glares at me, hate written within the depths of his eyes.  
  
"I couldn't believe the person I had become. It wasn't fair. I fell apart. I only took two. Then it escaladed into three, then four. It was winning control of my life again."  
  
He moves even farther away from me, into a deep corner by his closet.   
  
"The person... the person I was, everything I did, I can't say that I was drugged. Because I made the choice to take them. Valium. But the actions I wouldn't have done any other times. I hurt the people I cared about most. I still can't forgive myself."  
  
His expression hasn't changed. He's angry, afraid, hurt.   
  
"You didn't come back."  
  
A sigh escapes from me. I'm realizing my mistakes more and more. I'm growing more frustrated at myself. Hating myself even more. I don't deserve to be loved. She shouldn't have taken me back.   
  
"I thought... I thought I needed a change. I was happy for a little bit, but I wasn't here. I wasn't with you."  
  
He rolls his eyes at me.   
  
"What about your whore?"  
  
I close my eyes. How the hell did he know about Annette?  
  
"She was just a friend who was helping me get through everything."  
  
Another eye roll.   
  
"And your fuck buddy."  
  
I run my hands through my hair. I was prepared for everything but this.   
  
"She meant nothing."  
  
He's sitting up more, on the edge of his seat.   
  
"You probably told her the same thing about mom and me."  
  
I lean back against the wall. Silence is the deadliest thing on the earth.   
  
"Why did you come back?"  
  
Why did I come back? I don't know. It was an impulse, a moment of weakness. A reaction of love.   
  
"I couldn't keep on living a lie. I wasn't true to myself. I kept on trying to forget you, forget Abby. It wasn't working. I never would be able to. There were days where everything would be okay, then other days, all I could think about would be you. And it drove me crazy. I wanted to be back in Chicago. I wanted to be close to you. I love you both. Nothing will ever change that."  
  
I wipe the tears from my eyes. It's taken me weeks to even think it, now I've actually said it.   
  
"Bryce, I'm not asking you to forgive me. You have every right to be mad at me, to hate me. But I want you to know, I love you with everything that I am. I never want to see you get hurt again. I can never make up for everything that I've done to you. But I'll always be there for you, no matter what."   
  
I see him squint away tears. I guess I might have finally gotten through those walls. Little by little, inch by inch.   
  
"You're a hypocrite."  
  
I look at him questioningly.   
  
"You kept on blaming mom for her drinking. You're no better. You're worse. You're a drug addict."  
  
He's fierce and violent in his tone. He's trying not to break down. He's stronger than I ever imagined. I look down at the floor. He's right.   
  
"And you instantly think everything's going to be okay because you came back. I wish I never met you."  
  
I can't bring myself to look at him. I turn around, and walk out the door. He's right. I am a hypocrite. I blamed Abby for everything, instead of blaming myself. I don't deserve to be let back into their lives. I hadn't cried in a while, yet not it's all I can do. I look up, she's standing there, arms open. If there was anything I could do to take everything I did back, I would. I would even ask to be erased from their lives, but I would keep the remembrance alive. The ultimate torture. She would find someone, find love somewhere. Never know I existed. And all I would have is a memory, a dream that I would have to hold on forever. If you fall in love once, you fall forever.   
  
Her arms wrap closer around me, her voice soothing the evils of the world away. I want to push her away. Tell her to leave me alone, to let go. She'll be better off without me. But I can't. I doubt I would ever be able to do it. I feel my body being led to the bedroom, the door shut and locked. I look at her, I expect to see a look of disappointment, but I get nothing but compassion. She leads me to her bed, softly pulling me down. She delicately places my head into her lap, running her fingers over my face. I'm shaking, I'm shivering. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I've never felt more confused, alone, afraid, forgotten, or dazed in my life. I shouldn't have come. And every time I look at her, I know what I did was the right thing. I came back. I didn't run. The tears I've held back for months have all come out. She doesn't tell me stop, or ask why. She's just there. And that's what I need most. For her just to be there.   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
Caitlin015- Carter and Bryce well.... They have a bit to go before they can work everything out. I hope all of our chapters will live up to your expectations :) we try. There are days though when we weren't feeling praticuarially inspired, be it the way the story was at the time, or our moods, so those chapters might be a little weak, but for the most part we tried our best.   
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- Aw it is sweet. I loved in 'One Can Only Hope' where they are sitting on the couch and Carter puts his hand out for her to hold... AWWWW!   
  
smilez4eva- Good is a good word... But can be over used, by people like my english teach who is like yay yay this is good, without even looking at it. ::rolls eyes::  
  
smilez4eva (CHAP 1/76) - I was half way through your words for good... HAHA! When Ozzy Osbournes 'Crazy Train' Came on and scared the crap out of me, (I don't know why you care lol but whatever.) Anways your words made me laugh... I love the thesurus, some of the words made me laugh: crack, neato, precious, prime, rad, shipshape, sound, spanking that ones my favourite! THANKS :D!   
  
Tilde8884- I'd say communication is what screwed them over on the show too. We are staying true to that for sure. We may be a little of course with some of the other things we have, but if there is one thing we are good at it is the communication issue these two have, and showing it. I'm just gonna shut up now. Thanks for reviewing. Maybe Carter won't have to figure out the pregnancy for himself ;)   
  
CamilaC- Yah, I'd say first they need to tlak and work all of that out before they get to baby talk. I WANNA ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT AND PARTY EVERDAY WITH GALLANT AND A BEARDLASS CARTER! Sorry I'm a little nuts today haha. Thanks for the review.   
  
Amanda- Bryce and Carter defiinetly DO NOT have as easy of a time being friends as they did the first time they met.   
  
And Bryce thinks 'Carter deserves to be pushed for being such a dick:)'  
  
ER-Carby-Luva- Aw we will miss your reviews. Hope you enjoy your holidays :). Of course Carter will always come back in   
  
our story... or will he???  
  
MrsWyle- Yup Abby smacked Bryce for acting inappropriately... I woulda pushed Carter too though.   
  
Vicki- How many chapters? I would say oh about another 30 or so.  
  
CamilaC- Haha don't worry you weren't the only one who wanted me to update... It didn't take long at all for Abby to take Carter back, but how the tides can turn... or is that tables? A little over 29. Yeah sure we will look read your story....I think I have read your work before, I don't know if I reviewed (it was back in the day when I was a shy new comer and didn't do must posting or reviewing.) But I loved it. Anyways yah I'll tell Sylvia too I'm sure she'd read it.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- Baby talk? Sooooooooooon.  
  
HardcoreCarbyFan- hahaha too bad he won't leave Kem----- AHHHHH BAD KATHRYN! Its not nice of me to say that bwhahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
JanBry- soon all in due time... hehe!  
  
Caitlin- Yeah its insane the conversation that leads up to her telling him, I'll tell you that much at least lol.  
  
CamilaC- Thats okay your not annoying, my computer is stupid though so sometimes I can't post if it won't be normal.  
  
Reader- Thank you. Suspence is what we were going for :)  
  
JanBry- Hehe, its all about getting them together, then breaking them up, then getting them together and so on. The next couple chapters are interesting to say the least lol.  
  
crazy piro- Thats true he would eventual;ly find out but if you ask me Carter can be a little slow at times, lol or even a bit clueless, ah he's so freaking adorable... When he's not drugged, with another women, trying to change Abby, running off, or bearded.   
  
Tilde8884- Thanks:)  
  
hyperpiper91- Dude haha, How's ernie anyways? I haven't talked to him in ages. We do live off of angst... I was waiting for oyur review haha I was jsut thinking about it as I was responding to reviews I was like hmmm... I wonder when its coming then it came half way through my responding!  
  
kate- heh. Ernie heh. Don't worry Carter finds out about ernie, maybe not in the best way possible though, hmmm!  
  
JanBry- You are welcome for responding! Thank you for reviewing :)... Carter will find out it is just a matter of When and How.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- Bryce does has every reason to be mad, he'd be a fool if he wasn't mad... Yeah Carter and Abby's reunion is anything but Wine and Roses.   
  
kate- Abby tells Carter about Ernie soon... Very soon.  
  
vkh214 - I know what you mean by us updating to fast... It takes the thrill and suspence out of everything. Don't worry those times were just to throw you readers for a loop defintely not something to get use to.   
  
Mandi- I think you've reviewed once or twice before, if not on this story maybe on my other ones... Thanks reviewing at all though. I'm glad you like the story so much! I wasn't really sure if people were going to like the Bryce stuff but people seem to have taken too it, so thats awesome. I'm glad you like it as well:)  
  
CamilaC- I know I think I disappointed a lot of people with my lack of updates:(  
  
smilez4eva- Hey thanks, we are good I'm just a little behind on the updating for like a billion different reasons lol. I really enjoyed last nights episode and I thought Abby was great and very mature in it. As far Carter and Kem, I didn't buy it really, not just because I am a carby, but it really seemed forced, like we didn't see how they really fell in love, we just saw them chatting, him pissing her off and acting like a total pig. She kissed him on the cheek then BOOM she's pregnant, I don't know, If they had built up their relationship like they did Carter and Abby, Luka and Abby, Luka and Sam, maybe but this whole thing nah. They jsut seem too happy too. But whatever. Kem looked really uncomfortable too, I don't think she is gonna stay in Chicago long, jsut a huntch. Anyways I rambled enough lol. Thanks for reviewing. 


	4. Chapter 79 making a big decision

Authors Note- Okay you will all be glad to know that I am up to date on my review responses, so those reviews from 7 chapters, all responded too! I know the updates haven't been as frequent recently, I am going to be trying to get a chapter to two a day, I was just finishing up the responses, so now that they are all caught up on I should be able to update faster. Here is the update for today, I will probably post anoth chapter after my hockey practise tonight so look forward to that! Here you go-  
  
I pull him closer to me I am not really sure why I am doing all this for him. Do I love him? Yeah. Can this work? God I hope so. But most importantly… Did he rip my son's heart and mine apart? Yes. For that, I don't know… its what keeps me from loving him completely It's what stops me from loving him with every fibre of my being. I feel lost without him, but at the same time I feel lost with him. He grips onto my shirt tighter, and I get the urge to push him away, I fight this, instead I just tense up at his touch. He pulls away from me slightly and looks at me. I can't help, but resent him at the moment. Maybe the only reason I am keeping him here with me is for my unborn baby. But do I really want another Richard in my life?   
  
He sits up straight and looks at me, "what's wrong?" I shake my head, trying to act as though everything is fine. He doesn't buy it, god why would he. I probably have a look of hate and condemn on my face. "Abby…" He pushes, why can't he just leave me alone. I know this is weird, two hours ago I was kissing him and thanking the lord he was home, and now I want to scratch out his eyes, rip out his heart and kick him in the balls… personally I blame it on the pregnancy. Hormones. That's what it is, hormones. He doesn't know about the pregnancy though, so this will bring him no comfort what so ever, but right now I feel like ripping him a new asshole. That's harsh, I know. "Just-" I start unable to finish, he gestures with his hands for me to continue. "I just think you're an asshole." He looks puzzled, why wouldn't he? I was comforting him, now I'm angry with him. "What?"  
  
"Look Carter, you come waltzing into our lives like nothing happened… Guess what something did happen."  
  
"Abby- I didn't come waltzing in, I expected you to hate me. I expected you to slam the door in my face. You're the one who welcomed me with open arms."  
  
"Oh- so now this is all on me?" I point toward myself, eyebrows crooked, my face stern. I mean business. "No." He says firmly, rising from the bed. "Its not on you- I am just saying, you opened your-"  
  
"NO!" I scream standing up. "You slept with someone else and I let you in? What am I fucking crazy? Am I fucking nut job." I make my way over to the door of my bedroom. "You love me." He pauses; did he really just say that? In defence of himself, he says that I love him. "Yeah, I do." I push my hair out of my face, preparing for one hell of a battle. "So- we can work it out then. I don't expect you to take me back right away Abby!" He is getting angry. I don't care, that's not his right, right now. I am the angry one today baby. "Well you better not, because its not going to happen." He waves his arms in the air.  
  
"What the hell do you two expect of me. YOU SHOULD BE MAD! YOU'D BE CRAZY IF YOU WEREN'T! BUT I AM AN ADDICT! A CLEAN ONE RIGHT NOW, just like you." He lowers his voice and looks at me with pleading eyes. "Be mad, but don't act like I did something wrong. Like going to rehab was wrong! Like trying to start fresh where no one knew my story wasn't my right." He sighs and then runs his fingers through his hair. "You're telling me, Abby, that if you had the chance to start over you wouldn't?" I can't argue with that, sometimes I just want to get away from everything here in Chicago. "I did…I got that chance." He says calmly.  
  
"Why'd you leave it?" I ask slowly… "Why'd you leave the perfect life?"  
  
"It wasn't prefect-"  
  
"Why?" I push, I am really trying to milk this for all it is worth.  
  
"You know why" He looks at me, our eyes lock. "If there is no reason, in your eyes, for me to be here I am just going to leave now." He turns towards the door, the knob turns, I don't know what to do. Do I want him to stay? If I tell him to stay I will just be giving in, and at a time like this I need to make sure its right. I need to make sure he loves me and I love him. He slowly walks towards the front door slipping on his shoes he opens the door, he gets one foot out and I decide it's the right time. "I'm pregnant," I say barely audible. For a moment he doesn't move, nothing does. Its like the world has become silent. We are frozen, frozen in time. Then suddenly he turns around and looks at me… His eyes seem hopeful, happy even. I take a deep breath and he starts to smile. I can't stand this. We are hurting each other over, over and over again, but why? We will only hurt our child if we keep going like this so I do the only thing I can think of… "It's Ted's." He looks enraged, like he might hurt me again. I can't do anything. I can't move a muscle. A small bitter laugh escapes his lips. I can barley hear it, but I know its there… I know he heard me. He shakes his head at me. "So you got mad at me and fucked him, you kissed another guy while we were dating and now you are pregnant with Ted's baby?" He scratches his forehead.  
  
"That's not fair." I counter; he looks at me in utter disbelief. "I was kissed by that guy, I didn't like it, he forced himself on me. Don't attack me just because you are angry." I hiss, neither one of us is happy at the present time.   
  
"I can't believe this." He continues to shake his head. I don't know what I just did, or why I did it. I say it to get back at him for all the pain he's causing me… "No its not." We both look behind Bryce is standing behind us. "Seriously guys grow up." He scoffs. "You do the worst things to get back at one another." He walks towards us, the dim light on his face… "I mean, you love each other, but you just end up ripping each other apart." He looks from me to Carter. "I hate what Carter did too mom, but he made a good point- he got a chance." He sighs. "Maybe you guys should grow as individuals before you  
  
end up together." Are we really getting advice from a ten year old? "Learn to be friends first- cause I don't want Ernie to come into this world with a mom and dad who can't even get along." He pauses. "You love each other, you're meant to be together, but you got to let yourselves be together." Carter looks at me nodding. Bryce is right and we both know it. I don't know how he got so smart. I reach forward and hug my son. "Thanks baby." He smiles and walks off to bed.   
  
"He's right you know." Carter says.  
  
"I know. We should break up?" The words sting my throat. I love him more then anything. How can I let this happen?  
  
"Yeah. Just for now though- till we learn to be our own person without each other. Recover you know?" He says, I can see he is choking out the words.   
  
"Yeah," My foot plays along the outline of the carpet. We are actually making this decision mutually, and without screaming at each other. "So when we finally get together, and we will, it will be perfect." Carter smiles slightly.  
  
"What we have now is hardly perfect." I laugh I look up and meet his gaze. Both our eyes clouded over with tears. "It will be awkward at work." I swallow I want all this pain to go away. "Yeah- but only if we let it be." Carter nods.  
  
"Technically we aren't breaking up. I mean we never got back together, we are just taking a bit of time to our selves, to get perfect." I explain this to both of us.   
  
"You're right, we will just you know take it slow, as in not together for a while slow. Can I still see you- you know-"  
  
"For the baby?" I ask.  
  
"And just to see you, and Bryce." He smiles.  
  
"Yeah, we will all love that." I sigh and he smiles at me.  
  
"Hey, no matter what- I love you Abigail Lock…"  
  
"Wycenzki." I cut him off.  
  
"Changed it for the baby." I explain he nods understanding.  
  
"Love you." He smiles. "You know that though."  
  
"Can never hear it enough though." I grin. He looks at me seriously, then reaches over and pulls me into a hug. I respond by nestling my head into the crook in his shoulder. We stay like this for a few moments. "I've got to go." He says pulling away.  
  
"Oh and John?" He stops and turns to me. "I may need a favour from you every once in a while, for the baby." He looks confused. "Casual sex, John." He starts to blush. "We did it once, but it was good so I want it again when I get into the horny stages."  
  
"Which is???" He looks excited.  
  
"Well now. But not this minute, but it will be soon." He bites his bottom lip and smiles; "I can do that for you." He turns and leaves, the easiest, non-break up, break up I've ever had to do.  
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
Tilde8884- I think Bryce acted the way I would have. Carter left and Bryce likes to hold grudges lol. There was totally chemistry, not Kemistry, but chemistry lol, between Carter and Abby, there was not Kemistry :P  
  
Mandi- I'm glad you enjoy the story so much! Yes I am glad so many people agree that there was some Chemistry (NO KEMISTRY) In the last episode:)  
  
hyperpiper91- haha yes Ernie is a hermaphrodite... right now at least lol Ernie is a girl/boy eventually. lol I'm glad ernie is good.... I hope he is not eating too much, making Abby fatter and more tired?  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- booooooooo Kem... If she was with Pratt or someone else I wouldn't mind her.  
  
CamilaC - I don't forgive Carter... Yet! I think he and Abby need to get back together in the show and quick like right now would be nice!  
  
Vicki- Exam's suck. A LOT!  
  
Amanda- Carter and Bryce just need to talk a bit more. Or maybe even time.  
  
Caitlin015- Thank yah for the review :D   
  
MrsWyle- Nope We LOVE hearing how great our fic is :) so thank you. I'd say you're right Carter loves Bryce even though he left, he still loved him more then anything in the world, and I think Bryce will realise that. You're right at least he was there for Bryce emotionally even if he wasnt physically.  
  
Ashley- Thanks! Nope not ending it yet.   
  
Kaitlin- I like Sam and Luka together too! I kinda like Alex too, I mean he is kinda weird, but he did grow up in hospitals basically, so being interested in hospital stuff is just a normal thing... I think.  
  
Kaitlin- Thank yah, we were on an updating roll and then I kinda stopped lol.  
  
LumiKat1540 - Hey thanks for reviewing! I have read some of your stuff, it is awesome, I really like your work! Me too, Bryce rocks, good for him for knocking Carter down! I like Ashton too. Ashton Kutcher... YUMMY!!!!  
  
Amanda- Thats good, we don't want you to know how we end the story!  
  
JanBry- Don't worry I will try and post at least once a day.  
  
Kaitlin- I would totally name my kid after an actor... a hot one haha.   
  
Kaitlin- I knew you were psychic!!!! We love loooooong reviews... Haha I would kicked him and then told Kem all about his kinky sex fantasies and all the bad things he's done.   
  
Tilde8884- hehe noah hehe.... That would be interesting to say the least if she named her son Noah!  
  
Tilde8884- hehe nothing is ever easy in our fic. That would be impossible.   
  
smilez4va- haha I want some bacardi!!! I dont know if anyone has tried posting a story in a review that would definetly be amusing though!  
  
Mickey- I feel that way about the show, they make Carter out to be perfect and Abby imperfect, and then bring Carter in this beautiful perfect women to have his baby... BLAH! Not freaking real, I love the way they dropped his addiction just like that... Boom its gone... BLAH!  
  
Kaitlin- Well as long as the couple is in love and want the baby... I dont think the baby can fix them though, they have to do that for themselves, sometimes htey are just too freaking stubborn though:)!  
  
CamilaC- I think Kem and Carter are too in love, like they don't see each other for who they really are. Like Kem doesn't really see how he paraded her around the hospital announcing the first minute they got there that she was pregnant, not really considering htat she may want to wait a minute and get to know these people first. I didn't like the way Kem said to luka 'your the reason we got together' right in front of Abby, I blmae this on Carter though because he didn't tell Kem ANYTHING about Abby, and if I were Kem, I would want to know about the man I'm havings babies Exs (haha make any sense?) and most importantly the most recent ones. Carter loves abby and did for 3 years, him not telling Kem about her just leads me to believe its because he is trying to cover something up... He is seeing Kem as perfect, and better then Abby, he doesn't really love Kem though he loves that she is not Abby, he does not want to love Abby even though he does :)  
  
CARBYforever- Bryce is Carters son, although Bryce is kinda pissed at Carter right now, with good reason!  
  
Amanda- I want the guy from season 8 to come back on the show hehe I love him.   
  
CamilaC- yeah chapter 67 was screwed up for a while, I accidently uploaded chapter 66 and 67 as the same chapter.  
  
maura fan- haha no! lol no luby in this fic, although they had some wicked awesome chemistry!  
  
hyperpiper91- hey dude, sacred Ernie huh? hehe, hmmm! lol  
  
cate- Glad you like the story, Annette isn't gone for good though, I will tell you that much!  
  
MrsWyle- Don't curl up and die, we will make it better  
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
We are finally not working on the same day. We need to figure some things out without Bryce in the house, I hate yelling around him. That's probably a reason he hates me, is we always end up yelling at each other like three year olds bickering over a broken toy and shifting blame. 


	5. Chapter 80 Spur of the moment

Authors Note- So I didn't get the chance to put another chapter up yesterday, for that I am sorry! I was very busy, I have a big test Thursday, but since I have hockey during English I will probably have to write it wednesday instead. So that means lots of studying tonight, so this could be the only update of the day. Unless I post it without the review responses. I'll have to see! Heres the next chapter:D! Oh just to let everyone know who is interested, we have started a second story, it will be posted after this one is finished being posted, so about 2-3 weeks. Then we are having a sort of continuatoion thing of this one, depends how much people like it whether we will continue it.  
  
~*~  
  
I wake up with my hand draped over her stomach, my recently attained spot. She's breathing lightly, still asleep. I kiss her forehead and begin to gently climb out of bed. I've almost successfully dislodged myself from the mess of blankets, comforters, and legs, when I feel a pull on my arm and I go flying back into the warmth of a soft bed.   
  
"You shouldn't have agreed to this..."  
  
She's kissing the skin from my shoulder to my neck, sucking and extending the moment. I could really get used to these hormones of hers. Her hands are running over my body, probably searching for uncharted territory. I've figured out what she likes and where she wants it. She's almost halfway on top of me when we hear the knocking at the door. She pushes off me angrily. She's horny and that's not a good thing for Bryce right now. Or for me either. Well unless.. Never mind. I climb out of bed too, searching for my clothes. I hadn't exactly expected to be here. Things haven't been going the way we've planned. Bryce still hates me, although he's started to acknowledge my presence a little more. And then Abby and I, we are so complicated. We cant talk. We've tried talking, it just always escalades into a fight. We were supposed to work on finding out who we were as individuals. But it's not working. The more time I spend away from her, the more I want her. The more I can't let go.   
  
It seems the more time we try working on ourselves, the worse we become. At least it's like that for me. I can't speak for her. Hell, I can't even answer someone's question to how she likes her coffee without her going off on me. It's the hormones, I know. But it's getting a little bit irritating. I'm not her personal punching bag. Maybe personal fuck buddy, but that's a two way thing. I walk into the kitchen where she is making Bryce's lunch. He's off to school. We are finally not working on the same day. We need to figure some things out without Bryce in the house, I hate yelling around him. That's probably a reason he hates me, is we always end up yelling at each other like three year olds bickering over a broken toy and shifting blame.   
  
He grabs his backpack and walks out the door, giving Abby a quick kiss and walking straight past me. I've grown used to it. It still hurts like the first time, but there's nothing I can do. He's been hurt, and I understand that. He's more reluctant than Abby is. But then again no one knows anything with Abby anymore. I head back into the kitchen and put the kettle on for tea. She' standing staring out the window and I gently pull her away. She should lie down. I know she hates me pampering her, but I can't help it. It's like that built in daddy-monitor. The water boils quickly and I make two cups of tea. I bring them over to her, she's on the couch, a blanket covering her feet. That little bump under the covers is growing visible, and I get the blame. I always do. It's always the guy's fault. I sit down on the floor next to the couch, facing her.   
  
"We need to talk."  
  
I watch her roll her eyes and look out the window.   
  
"For Christ sake, it's seven in the goddamn morning."  
  
I give her a slightly demanding stare.   
  
"There's no time like the present."  
  
She takes a sip of her tea. She's getting angry and I don't' think I've said more than a sentence to her all morning. Does my presence just trigger that whole violent attitude?  
  
"When I said casual sex, I meant just the sex. I didn't mean talking, or apologizing for that matter. I'm already knocked up. You can't do worse."  
  
I'm restraining myself from saying anything. If I open my big mouth I know I'm going to get something worse from her.   
  
"What's happening between us?"  
  
She looks away, tightening her jaw.   
  
"I didn't know there was an 'us'?"  
  
I steady myself with my hands, leaning back against the carpet, not breaking eye contact with her.   
  
"Abby, you know what I mean."  
  
She shakes her head.   
  
"No. I don't."  
  
I bite on my bottom lip for a bit until I have what I want to say in order. I can't afford to say something the wrong way, or have her misinterpret it.   
  
"We agreed to find ourselves before we tried this relationship again... But we're getting no where. We can't talk without yelling, we can't work in the same room without fighting... I don't know. We've both got to try. I love you, I will always and forever love you. But I"m beginning to feel that maybe you don't feel the same way. And if that's the case, I understand."   
  
I look at her for an answer but I get nothing. Enough said. That's all I needed. I just hope I can get out before my world comes crashing down. I start to get up, but she grabs my hand.   
  
"I love you, too... It's just, is all this really worth it?"  
  
I sit down on the spot she made for me on the couch. I nod my head.   
  
"You're worth it."  
  
She looks away from me for a second and when she turns back I see the tears swelling in her eyes.   
  
"I'm sorry. Everything came crashing down at once. You. The baby. Bryce. Work. Us. It all seems too much and I just don't want to do this sometimes. It seems like so much work for so little product and I don't know. God I don't know anymore. I want to go back to the way it was. I wondered when you were gone if I would ever see you again. If my baby would ever meet its father, and then you showed back up and I guess that question disappeared. I don't even know why I decided to keep it. I wasn't going to. Bryce was enough for me. I can't even believe Bryce got this far. I didn't want another soul on my conscience but somehow I didn't. I couldn't do it. I don't know why..."  
  
The tears are coming down stronger now, and she's talking faster than the speed of light. The hormones again. Thank god I never have to go through this. I only have to live through it and put up with it.   
  
"Do you regret it?"  
  
She starts to smile a bit and shakes her head.   
  
"No. Not anymore."  
  
She lets out a sigh and look back at me.   
  
"So what are we going to do about us?"  
  
I shrug my shoulders. She didn't have the answers when I asked the question. I sure don't have the answer to the same question.   
  
"Marry me?"  
  
I have no clue where that came from.   
  
"What?"  
  
She's looking at me like I've gone off the deep end.  
  
"It's the only thing we haven't tried yet."  
  
She rolls her eyes, throwing a pillow at my head.   
  
"You're CRAZY!"  
  
I move in closer to her, locking gazes.   
  
"Crazy in love with you."  
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
Vicki-Abby was just pissed how Carter left... She holds a grudge against him for that, saying it was Ted's baby was immature though.  
  
MrsWyle- hehehe we try to catch everyone off gaurd.  
  
kate- The baby is Carters she was just trying to piss him off.  
  
CamilaC- Thank yah! I try to make my mind work right... lol. I think Bryce is just smart for his age, we have done our best to show that, he has had many expierences that make a little more mature then normal ten year olds, sometimes we push it a bit, but we need someonet here for commentary and well if the shoe fits lol.  
  
trinabelle-Yay, you like our story :) I'm glad we have managed to keep you hooked. Season ten isn't all that great! The episode where Carter comes back touch and go, it was awesome. But Carters a bit of a jackass in the show. So your missing much, the first ep rocks though, lots of angst :(  
  
smilez4eva- Since Abby and Carter first met, ummm a little over a year, prolly 16 months or so. I have never seen that commercial, I probably don't get it here...  
  
Tilde8884- I'm glad that we made you laugh, we pick the humor up a bit more in the upcoming chapters. Its something I miss throughout all the angst.  
  
smilez4eva-YES!!! He would go with Abby haha in a heartbeat, gaurneteed!!! Bryce is Mini Abby, we show that more in upcoming chapters for sure...  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- Yah, Bryce doesn't get it easy with these two.   
  
Katie- No Bryce fessed up that it was Carter's Abby was just trying to hurt Carter as much as he hurt her. Immature, yes but it happens. Their relationship is sort of okay- it will be.  
  
hyperpiper91- Hey Dude, don't worry more carby, lots more carby on the way. I'm glad Ernie is good, tell him not to eat too much Pizza I don't want him making Abby sick, thats just not cool dude.  
  
Kaitlin- Aw thats okay, thanks for reviewing at all. We love to read reviews :D- Abby was awesome in touch and Go. She rocks! Carter on the other hand I'm not so sure about...  
  
Amanda- Me too... But Carter had to be stupid and leave, although I think they were broken up before he left, and Abby dumped him, I mean can I have my key back and you forgot your stuff is the same as its over jackass.  
  
Amanda- Yay... They have to be there for one another!!!  
  
DandLfiction- LOL it is a very long story, we have been writing it for two months. We are finished though and have started on a brand new story! Thanks soi much for all your compliments, they mean a lot to both of us! Thanks so much!!!! I am glad you ahve decided to read our story. I thought once we got to chapter 30 we wouldn't be getting any new readers, but we haev gotten alot thanks!!!:)  
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
"An engagement ring." He pauses and stares at me. "He proposed?" He looks stunned. "What did you say?"   
  
I shrug my shoulders and walk ahead of a stunned Bryce.  
  
"So wait, you get proposed to by a millionaire and all he gives you as a ring is..." 


	6. Chapter 81 this and that here and there

Authors Note- new chapter. Hope you enjoy.   
  
He's still watching me, waiting, our eyes are locked. I don't know what to say I am completely and utterly speechless. "John-" He looks at me expectantly. I am not sure what he is expecting. He did just spring this on me. "This is crazy." I laugh, he sighs a sigh of relief. "No its not. Nothing else works for us-"  
  
"So why not get married?" I get up and walk over to the kitchen, I clean up Bryce's breakfast dishes. "Look, I love you, you love me. Its the only option." I roll my eyes at him. "I think you should go home get some rest, then come back and see if you still feel the same way." He shakes his head that goofy grin still plastered on his face.   
  
"I don't have to Abby, because I know nothing has ever felt more right then this." He reaches for my hands leading me over to the couch. I sit down while he kneels in front of me, he then gets up and runs to the kitchen and grabs something, he comes back taking the place he was in before. "Will you marry me?" He pulls out a twist tie that we use to put on our bags of fruit at the grocery store, he fastens it around my finger. "Carter this is completely CRAZY!" I say lifting my hands up, he is still smiling, as am I. I can't get over this. He is proposing to me and I haven't the faintest clue as to what I want to say. "Of course its crazy, love makes you do crazy things." I laugh, I can't help it, he's right I love him more then anything. "What do you say." He sits on the couch, then somehow manages to pull me onto his lap, his arms encircle my waist. "I can't-"  
  
"No-" He is suddenly very serious. I give him a puzzled look. "If you say no, its because this is not what you want at all..." He pauses then rubs my back, "What do you want?"  
  
"I don't know- I don't know what I want. I want to be with you. I want my son around forever, I want this baby to be ours that we love and cherish, I want you and Bryce to get along again." I sigh then smile at him. "I want to marry you, but not right now. I want to be with you-" He looks rejected and hurt.   
  
"I knew it. It was such a stupid idea."  
  
"But- I'm not saying no. I want to think about it- can I do that?" I smile sweetly at him,   
  
"yeah, you can do whatever you want." He reaches in for a kiss, its soft, god I love this man.   
  
~*~  
  
"Bryce take my hand."   
  
"Oh mom-" He whines, we on a very busy street and I am in no mood to be argued with. "Thank you." I say releasing him from my grip once we cross the street. He grabs for my hand, and looks at the twist tie on my finger. "What the hell is this?"   
  
"Bryce don't say hell." He rolls his eyes at me, and inspects the green twist tie on my finger. "Mom, did you go to the grocery store and steal these?"  
  
"No." I pull my hand from his, and shove it into my pocket.  
  
"Then what IS IT?" He has started walking backwards so we can talk.   
  
"Carter gave it to me..." He gestures with his hands for me to finish. "An engagement ring." He pauses and stares at me. "He proposed?" He looks stunned. "What did you say?"   
  
"I said I'd think about it." I shrug my shoulders and walk ahead of a stunned Bryce.  
  
"So wait, you get proposed to by a millionaire and all he gives you as a ring is a  
  
10 cent twist tie from the grocery store?" We walk in the main entrance of the hospital. "Are you guys together again? Is he going to buy you a more suited ring? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY?" He looks antsy and fed up.   
  
"Bryce, calm down." I walk into the lounge, Carter is pulling his jacket on and smiles at us, he walks over placing his hand on my stomach, then kisses me. "HEY!" Bryce shouts from three feet below us. "What?" I look down at him,   
  
"you proposed?" He looks at Carter.  
  
"Yeah, a couple days ago."   
  
"A COUPLE DAYS AGO?" Bryce seems really enraged.   
  
"Yep." I walk by him and put my coat in my locker, "don't worry sweetie we are not sure as to what we are doing yet, you'll be the first to know once we do."  
  
"That brings me great comfort." He says sarcastically flopping down on the couch.   
  
"Bryce- Carter and I are in love." John is at the coffee machine grabbing a cup of coffee. "You off?" I call to him, he smiles and nods at me.  
  
"You yell at each other all the time." Bryce screeches.  
  
"Yes, but ever since we've been engaged, or whatever we are well I think we've started to get along better." John nods in agreement.   
  
"Just yesterday you were saying how you think he only wants you for sex. You were screaming at each other." Bryce does not seem to want this at all, if I had told him six months ago Carter and I were getting married he would have been doing flips in the air, that's how happy he would have been. "Hormones buddy." Carter grabs a pop out of the fridge and tosses it to Bryce. "Thanks... So why don't you wait till after the hormones are gone and then decide."  
  
"Bryce she's a women, the hormones never go." Carter sighs. I walk over to him and smack him on the side of the head. "Hey, hey... See?"   
  
Bryce laughs at us, I think this is the first time Bryce has been around John and hasn't tried to kill him, although we have only been together for about five minutes. "Well hormones make you do crazy things." Bryce counters. "I'm not going through hormones and I proposed." Carter smiles.   
  
"Sure you are baby, whatever I go through you do to." I wrap my arm around his waist and smile at him.   
  
"I hate to interrupt this family moment, but I need you Abby." Luka shouts at me.   
  
"Okay, well Bryce stay here, and you- I will see tonight." I lean in for a kiss, and Carter reciprocates, his arms wrapped loosely around my waist. "I'll be over around eight?" He kisses my neck slowly, "Okay guys seriously, I do NOT need to be exposed to this, think about my future sex life, I won't have one if you keep this up"   
  
"Good. That's what I want." I crack. Bryce laughs at me in a sarcastic manner,   
  
"How long are you on for?" Carter asks as I pull away from his grip around my waist.   
  
"till seven. I was just called into work a few hours." I frown.  
  
"Want me to take Bryce?" I look over at Bryce, they haven't really been alone together since John got back, Bryce doesn't give me much to go on though. "Uh- sure." Carter looks at Bryce, and Bryce nods a bit indicating this would be okay.   
  
I throw Bryce his jacket and he puts it on, I decide to leave the lounge and get to work before Kerry gets all over my ass for being late.   
  
~*~  
  
I push through the door, shoes blocking my way. Thanks guys. I can hear Carter and laughing, they are sitting at the kitchen table talking about something. "Dylan got so mad at me for it though!" Bryce giggles. "All I did was fly her underwear up the flag pole."  
  
"You what?" I say barging in and dropping my bags at the door.  
  
"Nothing." Bryce jumps up, he nearly spilt his pop all over his pants. "I'm going to my room." Bryce says scurrying off in a hurry, Carter greets me by wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me. "Hey, how was your shift?" He smiles.  
  
"Hell- I got puked on, spit on, peed on, by a little kid." He looks disgusted why wouldn't he be. "But for some reason I am unbelievably horny." I sigh leaning into kiss him.   
  
"Suddenly I'm not." Carter smiles cutely at me. I hug myself closer to him, I love him so much, and its been great being with him. "I'm going to go shower." I say detaching myself from him. "Okay, I'll clean up the dinner dishes, we left you a plate." he says putting everything away. "No thanks I ate subs." I hang my coat up.  
  
"Subs,?" He looks shocked, don't be baby I could eat my body weight in food. "  
  
Well three and a half, I was getting pretty full I couldn't finish the fourth."   
  
He laughs at me, I head towards the shower, its great to be home, I'm five months pregnant now and I kind of like it. We still haven't thought of a name for the child. Why do I get the feeling Ernie will be in there somewhere?   
  
Its nice to shower after having all those dirty people near me, I'm a mean pregnant women, I know. I get out wrapping the towel around my body. "Hey getting out so soon." Carter walks in, and kisses me, then slowly the towel drops to the floor. He runs his fingers all over my body. "I just want to go to sleep." I say in between kisses.   
  
"Okay," he leads me into the bedroom, where he has my favourite pair of comfy pyjamas laid out and the bed sheets pulled down, with hot water bottles and pillows covering the bed, there are candles all over the room. "I-" I can't say anything, he read my mind, my back has been killing me so the hot water bottle will definitely do the trick for that. I throw the pyjama's on then hop into bed, Carter follows and lets me use his body as an extra pillow. He runs his fingers through my wet hair, then plants soft kisses on my neck. "I love you." He whispers in my ear. This is perfect, tomorrow I will wake up bloated, feeling fat, feeling ugly but for now this is all I need.   
  
"So you and Bryce?" I yawn, looking up at him with tired eyes.  
  
"Everything will be okay there." He plants a soft kiss on my lips, "don't worry." I can't believe how well we are getting along, this is just a set up for another fight I can feel it. That's the way we work, we have these perfect moments where we just love each other completely and can't get enough of each other and the life we lead together. Then suddenly, BAM, we fight and hate each other. Maybe that's what makes this relationship interesting and keeps us both in it, but no matter what I can't seem to get enough of him and I love him so much, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I think first though we have to get through having a baby together, and then try to build a life together, but I know we can do it. If there is such thing as soul mates, there probably is not though, but id there was, he would be mine hands down.   
  
I look up and can tell he is almost asleep, my head is resting on his chest and he is absent minded tracing patterns on my stomach, "I love you John Carter, and I will marry you... one day." I know he couldn't hear me, but some how I know he knows how much I love him. I close my eyes and take in everything that is happening to me, I really couldn't ask for more.   
  
***REVIEW RESPONOSES***  
  
hyperpiper91- Dude- You want to be first? Your wish is my command! Ernie stopped eatting good!!!! YAY! I hope you enjoyed engagment, its a good way to throw people for a loop!   
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- Heh. A boy and a girl. heh. You want a boy... hmm... JOhn Truman Carter, again? Hmmm I duno I'll tkae it into consideration even though its already written lol.   
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- So true hehe she makes a killing off of him. Did you know Britney Spears little one day marriage could of cost her half of her $$$$$!!!! Yay Bryce definetly does NOT want to get hurt again... hes abby the deux.   
  
MrsWyle- No he knows it is his... Bryce cleared it up for him. He said 'no its not (teds)' hope I cleared it up for u, I thought I might cause some confusion... sorry:)!  
  
CamilaC- Bwhahaha I do love to make people wait. They are very weird these two! But meant to be together, trust! They need to get backtogether. It drives me nuts to see him with kem!!!!  
  
smilez4eva- haha I am glad you enjoyed that chapter, we have gotten rid of the tension for a bit lol...  
  
Kaitlin- heh.. we like making you wait!!!  
  
vkh214 - Blah I haven't even gotten around to exam studying I'm still studying for my test that I have to take during my lunch BOO!!!! Then catching up on all my work... exams are after that lol. Haha yeah propsals are always spontaneous well in our little world!  
  
Amanda- Don't worry nothing is set in stone about the marrige yet!!! There are a little more then 20 chapters left.  
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
I've finally said it. She puts her hands around my neck and leans in, putting her head on my shoulder. I give her a kiss and hold her tighter towards me.   
  
"Mom, I'll disown you if you don't say yes."   
  
I look up to see Bryce standing off in the corner. I'm assuming he heard the whole speech since he has a smile plastered on his face. I look back at Abby, she's biting on her bottom lip. 


	7. Chapter 82 Discussion

Authors Note- So I think I am improving on the posting stuff. Here you go, the first one of today!!!  
  
~*~  
  
My feet were officially ready to fall off. I haven't pulled a triple shift since I was a resident. I had to work a double on schedule. Then Abby didn't feel too well so I forced Bryce to drag her home. So I got plopped with her shift, courtesy of Weaver. I've slept maybe about 4 hours in those 36 hours. Everything hurts, and right now all I can see is that never-ending staircase up to the condo, and then a soft, warm bed. Nothing more. Food can wait. Everything else can wait. I finally get there. The door like a portal to my secret haven. I pull my key out and open the door. The lights are off except for one in the living room. I drop my bag and coat on the floor in the usual spot as I head over there to see what Abby's doing. Things have been great for the first time in a long time. We talk more. We understand each other better. I still don't know how or why I proposed. It's like our baby. It just sort of happened. No plans, no schedule, nothing. I walk close and see her feet, propped up on a few pillows, her eyes are closed, but I know she's not sleeping. She has a different breathing pattern. I learned this during all the nights that I watched her sleep. Silently thanking the powers that be that I have her. I lean down and kiss her gently on the lips, her eyes flutter open.   
  
"Hey pumpkin."  
  
She rolls her eyes at me, making room for me on the sofa next to her.   
  
"I'm not orange yet."  
  
I laugh a little. She's absolutely beautiful right now. I position myself under her, and she leans into me. I play with her hair for a second, and realize I'm way to tired to even do that. I look out the window to watch the lightening glisten and the rain begin, slowly pit-patting against the windowsill. She pulls my hands down towards her, resting one hand on her ever-growing stomach, the other linking our fingers together. She sighs slightly, a smile forming on her lips. It only makes me want to smile, warms my heart. The lamp soon goes out, the candle on the table lighted. We watch the lightening illuminate different shapes and figures upon the room. It's perfect. These are the moments that I will remember, when we're both way past our prime, struggling to pull through another day. I can picture her with me forever. I never thought I would be able to, for any woman. But she's not just any woman. She's my life.   
  
The rain patters gently against the windows, almost a lulling sound. I'm so tired, I just can't tear myself away from her right now in fear that I may loose this moment forever. She tilts her head over to look at me, and her hair goes flying into her face. I watch her, amused. She tries to blow it out of her face, but she's unsuccessful. I push the hair behind her ears, curbing her frustration, and give her a kiss.   
  
"Have you ever regretted coming back?"  
  
I shake my head. No. Never. I don't think I could have made it any longer without her. I could never forget her. There's no point in trying. She gives me another quick peck. Something seems wrong to me. I don't know, some internal sense I've learned to pick up on.   
  
"Abby, are you okay?"  
  
She sighs a bit and leans back down, I put my arm around her, running my hand up and down her sore back.   
  
"Yeah... I guess... I just.. I don't know... Never mind."  
  
I find her hand again and intertwine our fingers once more. I've never noticed how perfect we fit together. She moulds into my body, like I was made especially for her, and vice versa.   
  
"No. You can tell me. You know that."  
  
She cuddles closer into me, and I keep on running my hand over her shoulders.   
  
"I'm scared."  
  
I pull her closer to me. If there was anything I could do make her feel emotional bliss, I would. But that's not reality.   
  
"Why?"  
  
She shrugs her shoulders, no giving me much to work with.   
  
"Nothing. Everything, I guess. I mean this baby... It's so unexpected, I'm just worried I'm going to screw up being a mother. Bryce has enough problems, I don't think anyone deserves that. And then there's me. I have no faith in myself. I'm barely keeping myself together, how am I going to handle a little tiny life? I'm just so terrified. I can't do this alone. I know I'm not strong enough... And who knows how we'll end up? I just... I want a perfect life for this one..."   
  
I give her a kiss on her forehead, but she's sort of stiff and cold towards me. I don't know what to make out of her mood changes anymore. I guess I have to gently work through them. There is no other way.   
  
"You know a perfect life is impossible. But we'll get as close to it as we can... Abs, you're a great mother. Look at Bryce, he's wonderful. You did that all on your own."  
  
She rolls her eyes at me. So maybe Bryce is a little mature for his age, and he's a pain in the ass sometimes too, that just makes me want to love him even more.   
  
"Besides, you're not on your own anymore. I'll always be here."  
  
She begins to sit up, moving away from me.   
  
"You say that now."   
  
I had a feeling she would say that. It's the hormones, and it's not always pleasant.   
  
"Because I mean it."   
  
She laughs mockingly at me.   
  
"You left once. Why should I believe you won't do it again?"  
  
I run my hand through my hair. What can I say to finally get through to her? I thought we had somehow gotten past everything. I get off the sofa, walking in front of her, and kneeling down to meet her gaze. I take her hands, holding them loosely, just so she knows I'm not forcing her into anything.   
  
"Because I would die if I ever left you again. I can't do it. It's impossible. I love you. There's nothing more that I want out of life. I want to wake up each morning with you for the rest of my life, to feel your heart gently beating next to mine. I want to get lost in your eyes every time I look into them. I want to lay down next to you every evening, and know you are mine, forever and always. You are so amazing, you'd never know. You scare me with all your darkness, yet you can bring a smile to my face with a single glance. I can simply get drunk on your laughter. You're everything to me."   
  
She's looking at me, her eyes are holding back tears. They let go.   
  
"I want to wipe away your tears, hear your secrets, feel your pain... You know together, we can get through anything. We've already been through so much. I'm here for you, and only you.... I'm here, when your world's falling apart, your life's spinning out of control, and you have nothing to believe in. Believe that I love you, I will always be there. No matter what happens, you can hold on to me. I'll never let you go, never let you fall. I'd die for you before I let anything bad happen to you. You are my life."   
  
I finally manage to look up at her. I guess it's one of those things that you play over and over in your head and never manage to say. I've finally said it. She puts her hands around my neck and leans in, putting her head on my shoulder. I give her a kiss and hold her tighter towards me.   
  
"Mom, I'll disown you if you don't say yes."   
  
I look up to see Bryce standing off in the corner. I'm assuming he heard the whole speech since he has a smile plastered on his face. I look back at Abby, she's biting on her bottom lip.   
  
"We've got time. I just need to know you'll wait for me?"  
  
She nods her head slowly, a loud sigh escaping from Bryce's side of the room.   
  
"You two are hopeless...."  
  
Thanks for the commentary, Bryce. He walks back towards his room. I look back at Abby, and stand up. I give her my hands and she stands up slowly.   
  
"For you I'd wait forever."  
  
I give her a slight smile and pull her towards the bedroom.   
  
"Come on, paunchy, let's go."  
  
I was asking for it. And I got it. I swear she gets stronger every single day. My head is aching now.   
  
"Watch it, I'll make you sleep on the sofa."  
  
I put my arm around her.   
  
"At least I can still fit on it."  
  
I saw that evil look form on her face.   
  
"That's it! Your sleeping on the goddamn floor!"  
  
I kiss her squarely on the lips.   
  
"But the floor's cold."  
  
She starts to smile a bit.   
  
"Yeah but I also like to be on top, so it's not a problem for me."  
  
I start to laugh and suck on her neck a bit. She starts to walk backwards towards the bedroom, still holding on to me. I'm suddenly not that tired anymore.   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
MrsWyle- Thank you very much. There are 107 chapters in total so thats about 25 chapters left to still be posted!  
  
Tilde8884- Thank you... We live to impress lol. I hope the rest of the fic still manages to impress you, as much as the first part has!!!!  
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
Bryce's party was a few blocks over, but this man must be really mad to actually drag my son here and not call. "He what?" Carter asks confused. The man reaches behind the door and drags Dylan over to us. Carter reaches over and smack Bryce in the head, I let him, what the hell was he thinking. "They're your problem, I don't want this kid near my daughter." With that he leaves. 


	8. Chapter 83 kissing, hurting and yelling

Authors Note- I am getting two chapters up today, you should all be very impressed, I really should be studying for a test, but who needs an education? Yeah you're right I do. Anyways here is a chapter I wrote, I really watch too much seventh heaven, I use to be a seventh heaven addict. Anyways heres the next chapter. Blame Simon!  
  
Oh side note, just so everyone knows, the chapters for tomorrow will not be posted until later, hopefully before the show! I have to write a test on my lunch, which is when I usually post a chapter, then I have hockey during/after school, so I won't be home till late. Just a little heads up!  
  
Also, a lot today i know, I didn't get all of the reviews in my box, causeit was full so I am just reading them now on the site, so if some of your reviews were not in the last chapter, they will most likely be in this one:D  
  
~*~  
  
"I just told him to call when he gets in." Carter tosses the bag of apples at me, and I some how manage to catch them. "Which is?" I push,   
  
"I don't know... Its not just him and Dylan, other kids will be there." Carter reasons.  
  
"Yeah... Its just football right?" I smile and grab the bag of milk and put it in the fridge, at five and a half months pregnant I am really starting to feel fat, and weak. "Yes, and Alex is going, so he is going to stay the night at Sam and Lukas." Carter walks over and sticks the mustard in the fridge, then loosely wraps his arms around my waist gently kisses my neck. "You know what that means right?" He leans up and kisses me on the mouth.   
  
"Well, we have finished grocery shopping, and I am hungry.... So lets order in pizza then have lots and lots of sex." I say untangling myself from Carters grip and walking over to the phone. "I think I can live with that." He grins.   
  
"Good."   
  
Two large pizzas and three glasses of milk later, I am feeling pretty good.  
  
"You know, we should start to eat healthier." Carter says stuffing another crust into his mouth. "Who needs healthy when you're just gonna get fat anyways." I toss my napkin on the table and lean against John. Its weird how great these last couple of weeks have been, I guess we are just letting things take their course, its working for us too. Its even working for Carter and Bryce, they are talking and hanging out. Its back to the old way. "You know what?" I say looking up at Carter.  
  
"What?"   
  
"I think I forgot to pack Bryce's tooth brush..."  
  
"ABBY!" Carter groans. "Its going to be fine."  
  
"No its not. Its a boy- girl party with his girlfriend, did you notice how there were an even amount of boys and girls? I really don't trust those parents either. I bet they won't even watch the kids and my ten year old will be having sex." I gasp, I sit straight up and try to leave, but Carter won't let me. "Abby, they will not be having sex."  
  
"How do you know that."  
  
"Because he gave me his only condom for Christmas... He knows not to have unprotected sex, he'll just wait till he has a condom." I smack John's chest. "OWE" He clutches the area I hit, he's in pain, but still laughing. "They will be fine." He stand up and pulls me up with him. "Lets just you and I enjoy the time to ourselves." I lean up and kiss him, he tastes like pizza. "Okay," I sigh leaning in for more kisses, "I guess it will be nice to have the place to our selves."   
  
"You bet your ass it will... We can finally have sex in the kitchen."   
  
"You're so horny these past couple of weeks." He laughs.  
  
"Well enjoy it while it lasts baby, because after this I will not want to touch you, I will be feeling so gross." He kisses me again.   
  
"John-" "Hmm-" He is placing kisses along my neck and slowly making his way down. "Will you still want me after the baby is born?" He pulls away giving me a weird look.   
  
"Of course baby, why wouldn't I?"  
  
"Because I will be fat, I will be smelly, I won't look good." I sigh leaning against his chest.  
  
"You're fat now and I still want you-" He kids, I know he is only joking, but I can't help but cry. The tears well up in my eyes and slowly trickle down my face. "I'm sorry-" He cups my face in his hands wiping the tears off my cheeks. "I didn't mean that, you're not fat you're beautiful." I push away from him, I am fat he's right. He probably doesn't even want me he is just afraid I will go all crazy on him if he doesn't sleep with me, he is afraid to upset me. I walk into my bedroom locking myself in there. "Abby-" He bangs on the door. "Go away." I say through tears.  
  
"Abby, I love you baby- I want to have sex with you now and forever."   
  
"Yeah, of course you do. Its sex jackass." I yell, he sighs.  
  
"I love you, and I find you very attractive." I wipe my eyes, and crawl into bed, I've locked the door he won't be able to get in- unless. "JOHN!" I scream, as he picks the lock with his credit card and coat hanger, "What?" He swings the door open and lies down in bed with me. "You really find me attractive?" I sob.  
  
"Yes!" he cuddles up with me, my back resting against his chest. His fingers playing up and down on my stomach, "Oh god-" Carter sighs as we hear a loud and annoying knock on the door. We both get up and go answer it, we interlock our fingers, Carter swings the door open, and there is a man holding my son by the collar. "Your son and his girlfriend were making out in my house." The man booms. I look down at a guilty looking Bryce. "THEY WHAT?" I scream, removing my hand from Carters. Bryce's party was a few blocks over, but this man must be really mad to actually drag my son here and not call. "He what?" Carter asks confused. The man reaches behind the door and drags Dylan over to us. A huge suck mark on her neck. Carter reaches over and smack Bryce in the head, I let him, what the hell was he thinking. "They're your problem, I don't want this kid near my daughter." With that he leaves.   
  
"BRYCE!" I scream.... "Dylan, go to my room." I instruct, she looks embarrassed. "Why did he bring her here?" I scream.  
  
"Because, he couldn't get a hold of her parents of you guys, so he said he'd walk us over."   
  
"We were here the whole time." Carter says angrily.   
  
"I don't know maybe you were too busy having sex." Bryce sasses.   
  
"Shut up and sit down, I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth unless I am speaking to you." I screech.   
  
"What happened?" I start.  
  
"Well we played football, then we got bored so we decided to play seven minutes in heaven." He shrugs, I can't believe he doesn't see anything wrong with this.  
  
"So you think hey why not go in a closet?" Carter asks.  
  
"Well... We were the first up, and we go in the closest, then door opens and the girls dad opens the door and he got mad and called everyone's parents." He is rather calm.   
  
"How did Dylan get a hickey?" Carter quizzes.   
  
"Well- you are always sucking on moms neck and she seems to like it... So I tried it-"   
  
"WE ARE 30 BRYCE!" I scream, I think this is to make myself feel better about making out in front my ten year old son.   
  
"Sorry." he mumbles.  
  
"You better be sorry." Carter screams. "You're grounded. No TV, no X BOX... No nothing."   
  
"That includes Dylan, and your other friends." I finish off for Carter. "Now got to your room, while I call this girls parents." He gets up and pouts his way to his bedroom, I can't believe he did this. He knows better, I have taught him better, at least I thought I taught him better, I wonder if this is the first time for any of this kissing behaviour, I knew this could be no good. "Dylan," I call, she walks out of the bedroom slowly, she probably heard everything, I can't believe this. "Call your parents." I say tossing her the phone. I know she is not my kid, but she should not be doing this either, she is just as bad as Bryce, accept she is not my child so we can not smack her about the head. I look over and she is telling her parents to pick her up here, she doesn't tell them why. I will though.   
  
We wait about ten minutes, the whole time Dylan squirms nervously in her seat, her parents finally arrive and I invite them in. They don't look too pleased with having to be here, apparently, they were out on a date. "Sorry about this." I smile at them sympathetically. "That's okay. Something go wrong at the party?" Dylan's mother asks. "Something like that." Carter sighs. "Our kids were making out in a closest." Dylan's father looks angry, he does not even bother looking at Dylan, I can tell right now he is blaming this on Carter and I, and on Bryce. She is a daddy's little girl.  
  
"They were what?" Dylan's mom looks over at her, she seems like she is angry with Dylan as well as Bryce. "We think its best if they don't see each other anymore." I conclude.  
  
"WHAT? MOM!" Bryce shrieks from the room. I give him a cold stare, and signal for him to go back into the bedroom. "Would you like to come in?" I offer, maybe we could talk about this more, if they came in."   
  
"Sure." Her mother says walking over to the table, she probably does not want Dylan around. "Dylan, why don't you go wait in my room, Bryce get back into your room." He slams his door, he is a pain in the ass when he wants to be. "I told you this boy was a hoodlum from the start, Bertha."   
  
"Excuse me-" I snap, he did not just call my son a hoodlum. His daughters lips were there too. Carter puts his hand on my leg. "Look, your kid was there too." I was going to offer them coffee, but not anymore. "Look at what type of parents you are. You are pregnant and you're not even married. You are divorced, I heard he left you for a bit." The man spits at us. "This is none of your business." Carter is trying not to yell. "This is about the kids." The man rises from his seat. "Look I don't want your kid near my daughter ever. I am transferring her to private school, because we know you both are too poor and obviously don't give a damn about your child to transfer him to another school."   
  
"You're an asshole." I yell. "Get the hell out of my house." The man stares me down, then leaves abruptly. "Dylan, lets go." She has tear stained cheeks, you'd think we were breaking up a teenage couple, not our curious ten year olds. The family leaves and I don't know what to do or say, Bryce fixes that as he runs out of his room. "I can't believe you did that." He screams. "You are the worst parents EVER!!!!" He shoves Carter again, but this time I grab him and toss him onto the couch. "SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!" he looks scared. "I can't believe you did that Bryce. You are ten years old." He is now full on crying. "I love her." Carter laughs at this.   
  
"Buddy, you are going to have lots of time for love, just concentrate on being ten. Now go to your room."   
  
"I don't have to listen to you you're not my dad." He screams.   
  
"Bryce get your fucking ass to your room now." I say through gritted teeth, he knows when he's pushed me too far and this time he has. He runs off to his room, and Carter just looks at me obviously hurt, he tries to hide it by cleaning up the pizza boxes and everything else, but I can tell this time Bryce has his home, and hit home hard. Carter has been more of a father to Bryce then Richard was, I can't believe his nerve. I come up behind John and wrap my arms around him, but he just shakes it off. He is hurt. Why wouldn't he be? I just want to make him feel better. I place my hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs that off too. "John?"   
  
"Don't worry about it Abby. He's right." He walks into the bedroom and shuts the door. At least he is staying the night, I want to make sure he knows that Bryce didn't mean that, and he will apologize he always does. He just says things he doesn't mean when he is angry, just like I do. I walk into Bryce's bedroom. His face in the pillow, "You should no better."   
  
"I meant it." He says gruffly.  
  
"Not just that- Well that, but the whole situation." He turns and looks at me, giving me the death stare. "Cut it out Bryce." I swat his arm. "You need to learn when to say things, I don't care what you say Carter is your dad and if you want you can live with Richard." He gives me an 'are you crazy?' stare. "Then smarten your ass up. Carter and I are together, and even if we weren't he would still be upset with you for doing what you did." Bryce rolls his eyes at me. "You're not together. You don't even know what the hell you are. Do you know how hard that is for me? Kids at school asking me about my dad about my mom and that guy? Whose that guy? Her boyfriend." Bryce sits up and continues his rant. "You can't even make up your minds."   
  
"Well, when Carter and I do something wrong you add that into your lecture, but tonight its my lecture, and I say that you are grounded for not thinking."   
  
"Whatever." He falls back onto his bed.   
  
"Good night." I leave and turn the light off closing the door on my way out. I walk over to my room ready to crawl into bed, Carter is already lying in bed, shirt off he looks cute, very cute. His eyes are closed, but he is not sleeping.   
  
"John." I crawl into bed next to him and cuddle up next to him.   
  
"Hey." He kisses me on the forehead.   
  
"He didn't mean-"  
  
"Don't worry About it Abby, I'll be fine. After all he's just a kid right? They say things they don't mean." He turns onto his side and sighs. He's hurt, and he won't tell me about it. I roll onto my side, I will talk to him in the morning, he just needs to clear his head for now.   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - That kid is always getting himself into some sort of trouble, but he is a boy right? So what can you expect, jsut kidding. Thats for all the male readers lol. awww. lol   
  
MrsWyle- Don't worry you do not have to wait long, the baby will be here before you know it! If we posted the chapters all at once it would take the suspence away lol, it would be easier though hmmm lol!  
  
Amanda- Nothing too exciting bout this chapter!  
  
Amanda- haha! haha! yeah.. haha!!! Boys are so funny!   
  
mandi- yep, they are finally buddies again... ehhhhhhhhhhhh sorta lol!  
  
CamilaC- I like Bryce more then the 'new and improved carter'. Carter on the show is not cool, really he is not cool!  
  
hyperpiper91- dude you really want ernie to be a girl don't you? Yeah it was a green twist tie, I love those things, I snagged that off of full house bwhaha!  
  
CamilaC- Haha I'm glad you liked the twist tie thing... stole it form full house. Yeah your review was one that I did not get till now.   
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
I don't know. Everything seemed okay between us. Now I'm doubting it. God how I wish this could all have turned out different. Finally something's going the right way, and it all has to be ruined. I never knew words could hurt so much. But it's the truth.   
  
"I'll see you later."  
  
Abby and I will always be friends, no matter what.  
  
"Abby, always put Bryce first. He's more important. Please. He deserves to be happy." 


	9. Chapter 84 words can hurt

Authors Note- I am watching ER while posting this, so I am not getting the review responses up, sorry it didn't get up earlier, but I had a somewhat busy night. Heres the chapter.  
  
I didn't get much sleep. Around three in the morning I gave up and watched TV for a while. I was going to head home, but I don't think that would make me feel any better. I promised Abby I wouldn't run from my problems. But I don't know if this is a huge problem. I mean I know Bryce probably didn't mean it, it just came out. But it still hurt. I don't know. I always thought of him as my son. I know it made Annette a little uncomfortable since I never told her he wasn't biologically mine. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I don't know. Everything seemed okay between us. Now I'm doubting it. Would he respect me? He'd probably just create more tension and problems between Abby and me. And this isn't one of those things you can push away. He's a major part of Abby's life, along with mine. I pull the blanket closer around myself, the living room is freezing, but I'm too tired to go close the window and turn up the heat. I bury my head back into the pillow. It's close to five and the sun is going to start coming up in an hour or so.   
  
I'm breathing heavily, this mental pain turned physical. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to ruin what Abby and I have attained, but obviously Bryce doesn't want me in his life. I know Bryce will always come first, for both of us. God how I wish this could all have turned out different. Finally something's going the right way, and it all has to be ruined. I never knew words could hurt so much. But it's the truth. I'm not his father. I never will be. He might hate Richard, but he's still his father. The bond is there, it might not be special or strong, but it's there. I know Bryce would never accept me fully. It's going to take a while for the truth to sink in. Who knows what might happen, what if Bryce passes that resentment onto the unborn baby. Abby and I will not be able to control the bond that they are going to share. Boy or girl, Bryce will make a great brother. I remember the bond Bobby and I had. We were inseparable. I wish the same for them.   
  
I can feel the pain building up inside me, the tears that refuse to come out. Nothing can make me feel better, it's like a brand. Once it's there, you never loose it, no matter what. What he said doesn't change my feelings for him. I love him and Abby regardless of anything they may say or do. Its just a push backwards, a different vision from where we had been originally. I seriously thought we were going to be okay, that the past was behind us, and now, I'm not so sure it ever fully will be.   
  
I feel a warm hand against my soft skin, it's so tempting, but I just want to be alone. I'm not purposely trying to shut her out, it's just better for me to think everything out myself first before I burden anyone. I move my head away from her hand, and she slowly takes it back towards her. I know I'm starting to pull her down with me, and I think I'm going to go home for a while, as soon as the sun comes up. She sits down on the edge of the sofa, towards me. I instinctively turn around so I'm not facing her. I just can't do this right now. I don't want to do something I'll regret later. I know what I should do. For the best interest of Bryce. I just, I don't know if I'll be able to do it. I feel her hand run over my back again, I cringe a bit as she passes over the scars. It's still delicate, it bring back so many memories. She's searching for my hand, and she finds it, but I just remain stiff. I want to be alone. I've respected every wish she has had, and right now it's the only thing I want. I'm assuming she gave up becomes she leaves me alone.   
  
"John..."  
  
I close my eyes, remembering the good times at the beginning. My head digs deeper into the pillow. I don't feel like talking, or even listening to apologies. I need time to myself.   
  
"Talk to me..."  
  
I shake my head slightly. My head started pounding. I'm at that point where I need sleep. But it's not coming unless she leaves me alone. I pull the blanket closer around me, I'm shivering from the brisk night air. It's almost morning. It will be almost 48 hours with barely any sleep. People become delusional after 40 hours. I'm way past that point. I take a deep breath and begin to sit up, pulling my feet towards me then off the couch to avoid making Abby move. I start to stand up and take the blanket in my hands, folding it.   
  
"I'm going home. You two probably have a full day planned anyway. You don't need me."  
  
I start to head toward the bedroom to grab something to change into until I get home. I find a pair of sweatpants and a sweater, so I pull those on. I find my shoes and quickly slip my feet into them, tying the laces. Abby's standing near the doorway watching me, I feel her gaze burning through me. I walk up to her, pulling her lightly into my arms.   
  
"I'll see you later. I love you."  
  
She manages a slight smile and I give her a quick kiss. I just need to get away from here for a while. I need time to myself. I haven't had a lot of it lately. She probably knows why I'm upset. She knew last night. If I stayed, she would force me into talking. I don't want to, I need sleep. I need to be able to think clearly. I grab my keys out of the bowl by the door, and I start to turn the door.   
  
"Abby, always put Bryce first. He's more important. Please. He deserves to be happy."  
  
I plead lightly with her. He's worth so much more than I never will. She doesn't say a word, and I turn around to give her a forced smile. I don't look at her though, I can't. I'm afraid to see the expression on her face.   
  
"You'll be back later?"  
  
I shrug my shoulders. Does he even want me here anymore?   
  
"Call me if you need me, anytime. Promise?"  
  
I see her nod her head from the corner of my eyes, and I reluctantly step through the door closing it behind me. I'm doing this for Bryce. If he doesn't want me in his life, I'm not going to force myself into it. Abby and I will always be friends, no matter what. It's going to take some time before we both realize where we're going. It might be two separate tracks. But strangely enough my mind and my heart are always on two separate tracks, my mind leading to the right, the logical, the planned. And my heart leading to the spontaneous, the inevitable, the truth. I know that my heart's always going to win. Maybe except in this.   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
froggERs- Hey they had addictions, fights, kid troubles, work stuff, babies, there were a few more things added ontop of the breaking up and getting back together. A lot of relationships have problems, and A lotta of em too. we may blowing it outta of proportion a little bit, lol, but they aren't broken up now lol they aren't even fighting, Bryce and Carter are.  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- LOL I think Bryce is growing up too fast. The hickey was amusing though bwhaha.  
  
hyperpiper91- Dude, then Ernie would be Ernet, lol haha I will be sure to give Carter a hug for you, as long as the beard is no where in sight haha. 


	10. Chapter 85 goofing around

Authors Note- Wow I am CoLd right now! Anyways here is the next chapter, hope you enjoy it as much as you have the others!  
  
~*~   
  
"Where's Carter?" I take a sip of my decaf then look at my son.  
  
"Home." A simple answer.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"He was upset." I flip through my newspaper, I'm not entirely pleased with my son at the moment. "About?" Bryce pushes, he is starting to tick me off.  
  
"What do you think?" He looks hurt and dejected.   
  
"Oh-"   
  
"Yeah, he's upset, you really hurt him Bryce. I have no clue what he is thinking. I know you are upset but making rude comments to John or I, is just not going to fly." I get up and slam my chair into the table. He's thinking, so maybe I got through to him I don't know anymore. "I didn't mean it." I dump my coffee down the sink and put the cup in the dishwasher. "You didn't have too."   
  
"I say stuff like that to you all the time." Bryce brats.  
  
"Yeah, and do you get away with it?"  
  
"No." he grumbles.  
  
"When was the last time you made a remark like that to me?"   
  
"A long time."  
  
"Yeah, because we agreed there will be none of that, the same with Carter. Go get ready, I have to work and you are coming with me."  
  
"Aw mom no." He whines.  
  
"Aw yes, you are doing community service." I smile, he walks off into his bedroom. "This will teach you to bite someone." I shout after him.   
  
"Maybe I should apologize to Carter." Bryce says as we walk towards the L.   
  
"Maybe you should." I grab his hand as we reach the crowded platform.  
  
"Are you going to make me?"  
  
"No." I watch as the people walk by, I can't stop thinking of Carter, I am probably neglecting my son of some attention, but right now I think Bryce just needs a good kick in the ass which he will get. "You want me to do the right thing, right?"   
  
"Bryce, I always want you to do the right thing. I know you will do it to, you will do what you think is right." I pull him into a hug.   
  
"I love you mom and I love Carter too." I smile down at him.   
  
"Don't tell me that, tell Carter." He smiles at me.   
  
~*~  
  
"Hey." I walk over to the drug lock up, where Carter is standing waiting for Chuny to get him some medications. "Hi." He says glancing at me quickly.   
  
"How are you?" I whisper.  
  
"Good. dealt with some stuff that needed to be- dealt with." Sounds made up enough to me. "Yeah good." Chuny looks at us, then tosses Carter his drugs.   
  
"Bryce talked to me." I am anxious to find out what he said. "You told him to didn't you?" He looks upset.  
  
"No. He did it all on his own." He scoffs at this. "I don't force my kids to do things John." I am taking a offence to this now. "Right," he starts to walk away but I grab his arm.  
  
"Just because you and Bryce are having a fight don't take this out on me." I say angrily.  
  
"Your son hates me Abby... doesn't that bother you?" He is nearly shouting, people around us are starting to stare. He walks into an empty exam room and I follow. "It bothers me that you think everything is going to be a fairytale between you two."   
  
He gives me a look, he clearly does not understand. "You are use to Bryce adoring you, what you don't understand is as a parent he's not going to always adore you. He's going to hate you. He's going to say that he never wants to see you again. But that's because he's ten and he doesn't like discipline. He will respect you more for it." He looks at me, understanding a bit more. "I am not saying let the comments slide, I am just saying you can't let him see how much they bug you, you have to treat him accordingly. He loves you, he doesn't have any bond or connection with Richard, with you he does." I can see I have gotten through to him, no one said parenting was going to be easy. "The baby is going to be the same way, John." He nods.  
  
"I know. It just hurts." He laughs a little. "Its going to be hard with-" He points at me stomach, "Uh Ernie I guess, its going to be hard when Ernie says things to me, because I know it hurt like hell when Bryce did."   
  
"Yeah, but we will duct tape Ernie's mouth closed." I crack.  
  
"Hah, yeah we will." He leans in and gives me a reassuring hug. I know everything will be okay. He leans down and kisses the top of my head, we walk out of the exam room and see Bryce walk over to a patient and give them their food. "Its what he gets for kissing." I say walking beside Carter. "He's being a good help." Susan says walking up beside us.  
  
"Yes he is." I reply happily. We walk over to a grumpy looking Bryce.  
  
"How you holding up?" I ask trying not to laugh.  
  
"I will NEVER kiss another girl as long as I live." He says with sad eyes.  
  
"You say that now." Carter pats him on the back and then walks over to the board. Bryce watches him go. "He was mad before." He says sadly.  
  
"You hurt him." I sigh, we are both staring at Carter, I am staring at a part of Carter, mainly his butt, I kind of want to grab it right now. Actually I really want to grab it right now. "I am sorry to you too. For when I say stuff like that." He sighs.   
  
"I know sweetie." I pull him into a hug.   
  
I can't stop eyeing that ass though, he walks by again, and I leave my son to follow him. "Are you following me?" He laughs turning around, I grab his arm and pull him into an empty exam room. He starts laughing, "What are you doing?" I lean up and kiss him roughly, he gets the hint and start to rub my back gently, our kisses deepen and he pulls away, "what?" I reach up trying to pull him in towards me again, he resists.  
  
"We're at work." I roll my eyes at him.  
  
"No shit Sherlock." I reach around and grab that ass I've been eyeing all day.  
  
"Hey, hey." He pushes my hand away, "we can't do that here."  
  
"Seriously John lighten up and pull those pants down, and then harden up."   
  
"Abby what if Weaver or someone else walks in... We could be fired!"  
  
"No we won't no one wants to work here, they won't fire people who do... Now lets get busy, I'm horny." He reluctantly kisses my neck his hands roaming over my shirt they make their way under it, my hand moves from his ass over to the door, to lock it. "If we get in trouble I'm dumping you." Carter says in between kisses.   
  
"You would never want to loose me." I undo his belt, then his pants fall to the floor.   
  
"I knew you wanted this too." I pull him closer to the bed, we lie down, "WHOSE IN THERE? I NEED THIS ROOM!" Carter jumps up off me, like he has a bee in his ass.  
  
I can't help it, but I start to laugh at the sound of Weavers angry voice, as Carter pulls his pants up. He grabs my hand and pulls me over to the door leading into a patients room, we run into the occupied room, the patient gives us a stunned look. "How are you doing?" Carter waves at the man.  
  
"Are you my doctors?"   
  
"Yes, we are. How are you feeling?" I ask the groggy old man.   
  
"I am waiting for my rectal exam, are you two giving it to me?" I notice Carter is disgusted, well that just got us out of the mood. "Actually Doctor Carter will be giving you the exam, I am going to go find a nurse to assist." I say in between bouts of laughter. "Actually you'll do Dr. Wycenzki." Carter says with a half smile on his face.   
  
"Why don't we both go find the Doctor who is suppose to give you the exam." I say grabbing John by the hand to lead him out of the room. He sticks the chart at the end of the bed.  
  
"Mist-" We all look up at Susan, who has just come bursting through the door. "Oh I was going to give him the exam, but since you guys are already in here."   
  
"No, no you can do it." Carter and I say in unison.  
  
"I didn't see you guys come in here, and you couldn't have come in the other way since Weaver is screaming about the door being lo-" She looks up at us smiling, she gets it.  
  
"Mr. Denver, Dr. Carter and Dr. Wycenszki will be giving you your rectal exam." She waves us over, and we follow her outside of the room. "You're so lucky you weren't caught." She laughs. "This actually looks like it could be a fun exam." She walks away still laughing, I kind of hate Susan right now. John looks down at me, "After this I will not be wanting sex."  
  
"I think that's the point." I sigh following him into the exam room. Right now getting caught by Weaver is looking a hell of a lot better then shoving my hand up some guys ass.   
  
"After this I'm never going to want to see another ass again." I mumble right before we enter the room. "You're telling me he's like 60 and probably has more hair then a lions mane." Carter says seriously, I can't help it now I'm full on laughing. He stops me in the doorway trying to signal me to stop laughing, but I can't. I lean my head into his chest and start to laugh uncontrollably, suddenly he is too. We have both done a rectal before, but not in this situation, it just makes it all the more funnier.   
  
~*REVIEW RESPONSES*~  
  
honeybear1-haha my parents woulda been like what? If I had a hickey at age 10! Bryce is just in some sort of funk, or was, in a funk. I've noticed you haven't reviewed in a while!  
  
AngelicDevil1- Thank you very much:D.... We like the yo yos and twist and truns as well. They add to the story, we have found a few people who do not enjoy them quite as much, but I think htey add to the story!  
  
evileyelandsmyle - Thank you. Don't worry they are not breaking up again, they have other things they are going to go through other then the breaking up.  
  
hyperpiper91 - Hey dude, I love the name Jordan for a girl, its such a pretty name. Hmmm... lol!!!  
  
smilez4eva- I actually taped last nights episode and only saw bits and pieces, I saw the carby moment and a few more. It was okay the parts I saw, I admit the carby moment was bittersweet. I am lost as to what they are going to do with the Carter/Kem relationship, but interested in seeing as to where its going to go.  
  
CamilaC- Don't worry Carter and Bryce are okay, I think it is good that we had Bryce say something to Carter, because he is a father to him so they are going to have moments where they don't get along. You will have a few chapters to read lol, it depends if I can get back on my regular posting track by them...  
  
MrsWyle- It was just the moment thing.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- haha the curves will always be there!   
  
CamilaC - Carter is bugging me on the show, although I did enjoy him in the episode last night!!!  
  
Amanda- I'm glad you enjoyed it!  
  
Tilde8884- Haha, I warned everyone, i use to watch 7th heave lol, and I guess that was where I got that chapter from lol...  
  
smilez4eva- Dylan does come back, sort of, she is mentioned, and talked about. I agree Carter and bryce are going to ahve thier moments...  
  
vkh214- lol, okay that makes sense. Exams really do suck, I only have one though, so its all good!!!:D  
  
Tilde8884- Thank you, Bryce loves Carter and ABby together!  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- The fuzz comes back for a bit!  
  
smilez4eva- We are sorta writing a sequel, at the end of this story, I will post in my authors Note what we are doing to continue this story.  
  
Kaitlin- Hehe Carter can be sweet... he has his moments!  
  
~*PREVIEW*~  
  
"What would you do?"  
  
I watch the man shrug his shoulders.   
  
"I'd do everything not to loose either one."  
  
I nod my head, and walk towards the door. We've got to figure out what to do together. 


	11. Chapter 86 Anything can go wrong

Authors Note- Sorry, another late update, a semi busy day today, I will be doing hw all day tomorrow, so inbetween subjects I will try to update!  
  
It's been a very interesting day, of course Susan did everything in her power to keep us away from each other. And if we had to be together, we got the most interesting cases. The rectal was just the tip of the iceberg. Right now I want to forget it all and go home. Abby's already home. I don't think it's fair that she gets to leave early because she's pregnant. Well, okay so if I was carrying a baby inside of me, I'd love to go home too. But Bryce got to hang around and finish work with me. Fourteen full hours. Poor kid. He's probably traumatized for life. I throw my last chart into the discharge bin and Susan starts laughing at me. I give her my signature evil glance and she stops. I pull Bryce out of the chair by the desk, and we head towards the lounge. He looks worn out. He's probably going to go straight to bed when we get home. Which could prove very valuable. I haven't talked to him since he apologized, and I guess I'm really not in the mood right now to either. It's the exhaustion. It gets to a person after a while. We walk in silence towards the L, and the train comes momentarily. He leans against me, he's ready to pass out. He deserves it. I'm sorry to say it, but that will teach him to experiment with girls at age ten. We manage to get to the apartment, and he goes straight towards his room. We've got the night to ourselves. I walk into the living room to find Abby on the sofa, covered in about ten blankets. It's not that cold in here, or outside for that matter. I kneel down next to her, I hate waking her, but I have to.   
  
"Abby..."  
  
She sighs slightly and opens her eyes. I put my hand up to her forehead, and she's burning up. Oh god, no not now. Not now. I run over to the washroom and grab the thermometer out of the cabinet. I run back to her and take her temp. 102.3. This isn't good. If she wasn't pregnant, I would give her some Tylenol or write a prescription for penicillin, but the pregnancy complicates things. There are drugs that can cause major trauma to the womb. I gently shift her head, going for her carotid pulse, then comparing to wrist pulse. They are both lower than they should be. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe it's just a simple infection that her body's beginning to fight off. But no infection during a pregnancy should be taken lightly. I grab the phone. I can't do this. If she was some random woman brought in, then maybe I would be able to do something. But she's not, and I'm scared to death. I dial the hospital and I hear Susan pick up.   
  
"Susan, it's Abby."  
  
I hear her move the phone a bit, hushing the people behind her.   
  
"What's up?"  
  
I take a deep breath, pulling myself together.   
  
"She's got a temp of 102.3, hypotensive, and vaguely responsive to surroundings."  
  
I'm holding her hand somewhat tightly, hoping this is all a dream or she's playing a game to tease me.   
  
"BP?"  
  
I run over her sats again. God, she' getting worse by the minute.  
  
"Systolic 115, Diastolic 70, Pulse 50."  
  
I hold the phone between my shoulder and my ear, and I use my hands to pull her down, so she has a clear airway.   
  
"How's her breathing?"  
  
I pause for a second, she's breathing, but raspy and forced.   
  
"She's breathing on her own, but I'm not sure for how long."  
  
This isn't happen. This isn't happening. She was fine just a few hours ago. She was perfectly fine.   
  
"How far along is she?"  
  
I count the weeks in my mind. They've just flown by.   
  
"About 24 weeks."  
  
I just noticed Bryce standing a few feet away from me, terror etched on his face.   
  
"An ambulance just went out. ETA about 5 minutes. Hold on Carter, she'll be okay."  
  
~*~  
  
The ride, the day, everything has been a blur. Nothing has been established, I'm not allowed to go in to see her just get. God I wish I knew what was happening. Maybe that's a reason why they wont' tell me anything. I'll know how bad it might get. Bryce finally cried himself to sleep next to me. I ended up carrying him into the lounge and laying him down on the sofa in there. It's quieter. I sit down at the table and I hear the door swing open. Luka walks in and sits down across from me. I look at him with pleading eyes. He's acting professional, which is probably the only way this could work.   
  
"What's wrong? Is she okay?"  
  
He nods his head slowly.   
  
"She threw a clot in her right leg."  
  
No. That's impossible. I mean it's possible, but why Abby? Why now?   
  
"We have her on heparin for the moment, small doses."   
  
I nod my head. Heparin during pregnancy is a big risk.   
  
"But it's not enough. We need to get her started on regular dose."   
  
I cringe, no, this is all a horrible nightmare I'm having.   
  
"John, you need to talk to her. You only have so many options left. If we keep her on the doses that we have right now, it's not enough, she can clot again. She needs to deliver this child. It's 24 weeks, perfectly healthy. We've saved worse upstairs."  
  
I shake my head, I can't make this decision. I doubt she can either.   
  
"What if she doesn't?"  
  
I know the answer to my own question, but what if I'm wrong? What if there are some new breakthroughs I don't know about?  
  
"If we start the heparin now, you'll loose the baby. If you don't start it, you can loose both. If she delivers, they are both given a chance."   
  
This isn't supposed to be happening. I run my hand through my hair, I don't know what to do anymore. All those years of medical school, internship, residency, attending, nothing can help me make the decision for my own family.   
  
"What would you do?"  
  
I watch the man shrug his shoulders.   
  
"I'd do everything not to loose either one."  
  
I nod my head, and walk towards the door. We've got to figure out what to do together. I can't loose her. I can't loose her, no matter what happens, I need her. I can't live without her.   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
hyperpiper91- DUUUUUUUUUUDE! Your name is Jordan? You lucky duck, that is such a cool name!!!! I want a name like that. I get stuck with boring name :( Ernie is coming soon....  
  
Kate- lol, yeah I am okay, just lazy and kinda busy, if you can believe that lol. I have really gotten behind on posting the chapters.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- heh. Carter was being a bit of a prissy pants in the last chapter.  
  
Caitlin- I am a little off track with the updates, I will try to post more I promise:)  
  
AngelicDevil1 - HAHAHAHA good idea, we should have hahaha.  
  
MrsWyle- I agree, Carter sex would be fun. The beard is HORRIBLE, but its gone now, so its all good.   
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- Yeah he was very crushed when Bryce said that :( some kids can be mean... take that back, all kids can be mean, lol well sometimes.  
  
Amanda- HAHAHA horny Abby hahaha.  
  
CamilaC- I hope you have a good trip :), I think you should have a few chapters to read byt the time you get back!  
  
mandi- Thank you, yeah at least he said ILY!!!!  
  
FroggERs- They love each other, I just thjink they had to go through a rough patch before htey can truly love each other, and you will see in the upcoming chapters that they are having an easier time, they understand each other more.   
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
I tilt my head over the side of the bed and see pools of blood on the ground... Oh my god what has happened here. My baby, is something wrong with my baby? Did I deliver already, I can't breathe, I need to breathe. Why can't I breathe? . "They had to deliver Abby." I'm twenty-four weeks along, I can't deliver. "No." I manage to croak. 


	12. Chapter 87 Panic

I look around in a daze, I realise I am at County, I am not sure why though. The pale yellow of the room is making me sick to my stomach, the smell is even worse. I tilt my head over the side of the bed and see pools of blood on the ground... Oh my god what has happened here. My baby, is something wrong with my baby? Did I deliver already, I can't breathe, I need to breathe. Why can't I breathe? I slam my eye lids shut just wanting to get away from it all. Where is Carter? Where's Bryce? Bryce is probably worried sick, he probably hates me too for making him volunteer, and now I will never get the chance to tell him how great I think he is. I try to take a deeper breath, but I can't. I reach up and feel around my face, there's a tube. Why did they tube me? I frantically pull on it. I need it out, it won't come. I pull harder. The coughing starts, I am in so much pain, what is happening to me. "Abby-" I look up and Pratt is standing over, "What are you doing." I don't know, I have no clue what's going on. "What the hell happened?" Great, now Carters here. Maybe he can tell me what's going on. "She exuberated her self." Pratt spits angrily. "She's delusional." Carter screams. I can't breathe again, I take a deeper breath. "What's-" I manage to speak, it hurts and my voice comes out very raspy. Pratt looks down at me, expecting me to say more, I can't though. "You have a blood clot, in your leg." Carter sits down on the edge of the bed taking my hand in his. "They put you on small doses of heparin." Heparin? That will hurt my baby, I can't be on that, I can feel my hands and legs start to shake, Carter, tell me the baby is okay. "Don't worry sweetie." I swallow hard taking a deep breath, I watch his gaze though. His eyes dance around the room. There is more, I want to ask him what else went wrong, but I can't speak. I frantically pull on him, he's on the verge of tears. "They had to deliver Abby." I'm twenty-four weeks along, I can't deliver. "No." I manage to croak.   
  
"Yeah, they- uh-" I want to know more, tell me more John. "The baby." He brings his hands up to his forehead, "He-" I had a boy, the tears fall down my face. "He's sick baby." "No-" That's the only word that I can think of to say, none of this is happening, it can't be. "If we didn't deliver, you both could have died, he has an okay chance, he's up in the NICU." Tears continue to trickle down my face. "Bryce wants to name him Abraham in your memory. He thinks its close to Abby." I smile at this, "but you aren't go anywhere, neither is Ernie, or Abe." I reach up and pull John into a hug. "He doesn't have a name yet, but together we can come up with something." I nod. I just want to make sure he is okay first, we can name him Rolly for all I care, I just want my baby to be okay right now. I want to hear him cry at six in the morning. "Bryce is up there now, he refused to leave your side during the delivery and then said that Erenham couldn't be alone."   
  
"What's wrong-" I whisper, my voice is cracking, my lips are dry, my throat is dry.   
  
"He is so small. He is in an incubator, they think he will be okay, its just hard, he's going to need so much care-" Carter tries to smile through the tears, but I can tell its hard as hell for him. "He can't breathe on his own." He brings his hands up to my face and wipes the tears away. "I love you, and you are going to be fine too." He kisses my forehead. "Get some rest." I shake my head no, I want too see my baby, I won't be able to sleep unless I see my child. "You can see him after." I am still reluctant. "Abby, they won't take you up yet, you're not quite stable, they are coming back in to intubate you. Bryce is with him he will be fine, he was watching from behind the door during the delivery the most risky part, and you both are okay. He's your good luck charm." I knew that from the day Bryce was born though, it would be him and I through everything, now its the same for the nameless baby. I look up at Carter, he smiles at me, I close my eyes and try to get some rest, I know John won't let me out of his sight for the next few weeks, so all I'll be doing is resting, why not start now.   
  
~*~  
  
"Abby." My eyes flutter open and there he is. My son, so small and tiny. They brought him down to see me. I look up at John, he is smiling, "I'll be back in a second sweetie." He pushes the loose strands of hair out of my face. I look around completely disoriented, my son is sleeping next to me, he is so small. God I am so worried about him, I don't want to loose him. I can't loose him. His chest rises and falls ever so slightly, to the point where I can barely notice he is breathing, but he is. He is in a small incubator, looking so tiny and pink. I don't mind though he's beautiful, so unbelievably beautiful. "Hey you." I look up and see Carter, he has Bryce thrown over his shoulder, Bryce is sleeping, he looks so peaceful he's had a rough time I would imagine. He lays Bryce next to me in bed, I wrap my arm around him and kiss his forehead. "Hey sweetie." He looks up at me, smiling.  
  
"Hey mom. They took the tube out." I laugh, they did a while ago, I was only awake for a few moments, but I remember the pain and discomfort of it all very well. Carter smiles at us taking a seat at the foot of the bed. "We called Grandma, and Eric." Bryce says looking at me. Oh great all I need is my psycho family here, they probably won't even come actually. "They can't come." Bryce adds confirming my suspicions.  
  
"That's okay, I have all that I need right here with me." I smile. Carter reaches for my hand and massages the back of it with his thumb.  
  
"What are you going to name him?' Bryce looks at both of us, we both shrug. We haven't talked about it much, probably because we both thought we had a few more months to go before he was due. "I really like the name..." Bryce looks deep in thought and then smiles, "remember Ashton mom?" I laugh a the thought, mm, Ashton Kutcher is tasty, but I have my own tasty man at the foot of the bed. "Name him John." Bryce suggests.  
  
"No." Carter answers. I don't care right now, all I care about is that he is healthy and safe that is the only thing I want for him. "What time was he born?"   
  
"2:34 am, on May 27th." Carter smiles.  
  
"It was gross." Bryce has a disgusted look on his face. "I was watching from behind the glass and when Dylan has our baby-" I smack him before he can finish his sentence. "What time is it now?" I look at Carter, who glances down at his watch.  
  
"2:30 am, May 28th." He smiles, we have been in the hospital for awhile.  
  
"He's almost a day." I say with tears in my eyes.  
  
"Almost." Carter's smile widens.   
  
"Have you slept?" I look at Carter, he has bags under his eyes, and looks tired, I should know the answer to that. "Don't worry about that." Bryce looks at me, and smiles.  
  
"What?" I say, my throat still hurting a bit. "Nothing just glad you're okay." I smile back at him, I am still afraid for my new born babies life. I don't want anything to happen to him, I just want the four of us to go home, I want it to be the way it should be. Where he will sleep in our room for a while, until Carter convinces me to buy a house with a white picket fence and a billion bedrooms. Its not suppose to happen like this. "He's a miracle, and a fighter mom, he'll make it." Bryce whispers, he must sense my fear. I rub his arm affectionately hoping he is right.  
  
"Carter told me to look up baby names on the internet. So I looked up fighter, strong, miracle."  
  
"What'd you come up with?" He is very into naming his brother,   
  
"The names I liked were Kaden, which meant fighter, remember that was in one of the baby name books." Bryce laughs.  
  
"Kaden huh?" Carter says looking up at the baby,   
  
"The ones for strong that I like were, Carl, and Denim, but Denim meant strong cloth." He shrugs, Carter laughs at this. "I don't like that name."   
  
"Me neither." I sigh, "He doesn't look like a denim." I smile at the child, he is so sweet looking, Bryce seems to adore him, the way he looks at him all googly eyed and excited.   
  
"We have to bring him upstairs now." A nurse says entering, In nod, and put my hand on the incubator waving goodbye. "Bye Ernie." I say. Bryce smiles, getting up to follow my son, his brother. "I love you." Carter says to me once they are gone. "You scared the shit out of me, I thought I was going to loose you there for a while. I really did. They said you might not pull through. I don't know what I'd do without you." Tears roll down his face.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere." I whisper.   
  
  
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
"This is it kid, the beginning, you'll pull through for us right? I don't know much about you, or who you are. We've been doing fine with out you, but we could only go so far. I don't know why you chose us. We're not that bad, we just seem that way. And don't listen to Bryce. Heaven only knows what he's gotten himself into. And your mom, she's beautiful. She's the most beautiful, spectacular, intelligent, strong woman you will ever meet. You're lucky, you know that?" 


	13. Chapter 88 its going to be okay!

Authors Note- Okay so here is the first of two for today. I hope you enjoy! Also I forgot to do this before but the song in this fic is Marc Cohn 'the things we've handed down.' Its most of Carters speech. So we do not own that!  
  
The last twenty four hours have drained me of every emotion I had. Making that decision when she started to crash was like a life or death decision for me. I just I couldn't loose her, or our baby. He'll pull through, he can make it. And looking at her now, she's so pale and worn out. It hurts me so much see her like this. Why couldn't it be me on that bed, taking all her pain instead. I can't bare to stand here and do absolutely nothing. That old saying, you never know what you have until you loose it is playing out in simple black and white for me. I almost lost her. Those seconds that there was flat line on the monitor, seemed like hours, dragging me, murdering me slowly. But she's okay. She's okay. She's going to pull through.   
  
"Hey, come on, we're okay..."  
  
I manage a small smile. They are okay, both of them, it's just hard to think about how close Bryce and I were to loosing them both. They were hanging by a single thin thread, the blade getting closer and closer to them. It's not always fair the way thing play out in time. It's a cruel, sick game that the powers that be like to play. It might just be a lesson for me, but don't punish her, or our son, either of our sons. I push away the strands of hair from her face. She's the one thing I will never be able to let go. No matter what may happen. Hell can freeze over, the heavens can open, and I will always and forever be by her side. I need her to hold on to, every promise she makes is so perfect. Her courage makes me strong. I trust her with my life, every thought she holds, through good or bad, I'll follow. I love her. After all this time, I can see the world so clearly. Wherever life will take us, whatever road she tries, I'll by her side. The world will be against us, but we'll come together, our spirit will pull us through. I'll always feel her pain, and there's probably nothing I will be able to relieve it, or any words to make it go away, but somehow love will let us get through it. How could this dream be so wrong, if it's so right? We're meant to be together. I take her hand gently, paying attention to the millions of tubes and wires sticking in and out of her skin, and hold it. She's here. This is real. Not some stupid romance novel or soap opera. I've found my one true love. I'm still crying. I've done that a lot. Bryce and I both have. We've been trying to hold on to each other, when everything else was falling apart. We've all been changed in a way, a better appreciation for each and every one of us. Bryce and I have realized how much we really need each other, because it could have just been the two of us. Her hand goes up to my cheek, and I hold her hand there.   
  
"Promise me you will never leave me."  
  
She nods her head, she's so physically weak, she should be resting. But I can't tear myself away from her. Every moment is like a second chance. I lean forward and give her a small, quick kiss.   
  
"John?"  
  
Her voice is so hoarse and raspy from the intubation, she has to force every word out. I look at her, still squeezing her hand.   
  
"Yes."  
  
I'm hoping she's saying yes for the same reason I'm thinking of.   
  
"I told you I needed time. And I just realized, time can be cut short. I don't want to regret missing a moment. We can make this work, a marriage, a family, us."  
  
I look back up at her, the first smile I've seen in a long time crosses her lips.   
  
"I love you."  
  
She leans back against the pillow, still holding onto my hand securely, or am I the one holding on to her?   
  
"I love you, too."  
  
Every time I hear those words from her lips, my heart skips a beat, my world disappears and it fixes everything. It's emotional bliss. It's completely euphoria. It's love. I give her hand a final squeeze before I begin to get up.   
  
"I'll send Bryce down here, maybe he can get some sleep with you?"  
  
She nods her head, she's almost ready to fall asleep. It's the sleep aids, along with the morphine for the pain. She's lucid, just tired. They kept on her small doses. I give her one last kiss before letting go of her hand and heading back upstairs to be with my son.   
  
"John..."  
  
Her voice comes out barely audible, but I hear her anyway.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
She smiles a bit to herself.   
  
"I want a dog."  
  
A dog? That was completely random, even for Abby. What am I supposed to say?   
  
"To go with that white picket fence around the huge house and tire swing in the backyard."  
  
I roll my eyes at her. She can have anything she wants. I'll guarantee it right now. I'll make her the happiest woman alive. I push out the doors heading towards the NICU. Bryce hasn't slept in a while, he refuses to leave "Ernie". Sorry kid, but that name has definitely got to go. We'll decide on a name tomorrow, right now, Bryce needs to get downstairs and get some sleep before he completely passes out. He'll have to eventually get back to school too. I called in yesterday and let him stay, and I'm going to let him stay today too. But we've got to get back to our lives. All of us. I reach the door and walk in slowly. The room is lit dimly, just enough light for the nurses and doctors to do their jobs, the babies' eyes aren't developed yet for harsh lights. I reach the back of the room and kiss Bryce on the head, running my hands over his shoulders. I crouch down besides him, and he looks at me.   
  
"Go downstairs to mom, sleep a little. I'll stay here."  
  
He shakes his head no, and leans back against his arms.   
  
"Bryce, go. Now."  
  
I put a little force behind my voice and he reluctantly gets up and begins to walk away. I sit down in the seat he just left, pulling it closer to the incubator. He's so tiny, but so beautiful. His skin is a deep pink, he looks more like a play doll or a marionette than a living, breathing baby boy. I can't help but smile to myself. He has Abby's eyes and her nose, along with a full set of hair, which is probably thanks to me. He's perfect, absolutely perfect.   
  
"This is it kid, the beginning, you'll pull through for us right? I don't know much about you, or who you are. We've been doing fine with out you, but we could only go so far. I don't know why you chose us, whether you were watching from above, or a simple sweet word from someone that knew us, said we'd give you all of our love. Only time will tell how you'll turn out, whether you'll laugh like your mom, or cry like me. Maybe you'll be lucky and something will skip a generation, I've heard they can."  
  
I sigh, looking at my son. Now I have two of them. I thought I would never have one. But it's okay. We'll be okay. Everything will somehow work out, it always does.   
  
"We have plans for you, you know that? But you can be anything you want, a poet, a dancer, a doctor. That might not be a good idea, but it's up to you. Or will you be a strange new combination of the things we've handed down? I wonder who you'll look like, how you'll be. Or will you be a sad reminder of what's been lost along the way, maybe you can help me find her, in the things you say and do."   
  
My mind drifts back to Abby. We've been through so much, we've left so many open doors. Yet we're stronger than ever, we'll only get stronger, grow closer. This is only a test, and I guess we've passed with flying colors so far. Faith is what will keep us going.   
  
"We're not that bad, we just seem that way. And don't listen to Bryce. Heaven only knows what he's gotten himself into. And your mom, she's beautiful. She's the most beautiful, spectacular, intelligent, strong woman you will ever meet. You're lucky, you know that? You couldn't have asked for a better family. You may hate us at times, curse us for those annoying little traits, but believe me, it's been extremely well rehearsed. Time and time again. "  
  
I've know him for less than 24 hours and he already holds my heart. This little pile of pink flesh. I've never felt love like this in my life. It's so natural, so real, an instinct I will never be able to let go.   
  
"You are definitely going to be a problem when you're older."  
  
I laugh lightly to myself. I swear he understands everything I'm saying. I lean back against the rocking chair, swinging back and forth, trying to stay awake a bit longer. We'll go home soon, as soon as I know they are both safe.   
  
"So what we going to call you? Ernie has most definitely got to go."  
  
I lean back against the chair, looking at the steady heartbeat on the monitor.   
  
"Addison Hayden Ernest Carter."  
  
I feel Abby's arms wrap around my neck and I pull her into my arms. She's not supposed to be here.   
  
"Are you really keeping Ernie?"  
  
She laughs a little.   
  
"Bryce will not let us not have it in there."  
  
I kiss her gently, getting off the chair and setting her down in it. I pull the stool from the side and put her feet up. I pull the IV pole closer to her. I kneel down next to her grabbing her hand. She leans in closer to the incubator.   
  
"Hi Addison."  
  
I swear I saw him smile a bit. I know it's impossible, but he's going to be a smart one. Just look at Bryce. Hopefully he will be smart, not a smart-aleck. I look back at Abby and I see a few tears come down her cheek. I lean up and wipe them away. I'm holding on to her limp hand. "He's so beautiful."  
  
She nods her head.   
  
"I just can't believe I did this to him."   
  
I position myself closer to her, so she has no option but to look at me.   
  
"Abby, its not your fault. You did nothing wrong."   
  
She shrugs her shoulders, but I know it's not helping.   
  
"Can I be alone with my son for a few minutes?"  
  
I nod my head and get up slowly. I can't leave her alone, she's still on medication and the clot hasn't been disintegrated completely. I walk over to the other side of the room and watch her. She's crying. I wish she would believe me. This isn't her fault. It's no ones fault. He's going to be fine. He's a fighter, he'll pull through.   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
JanBry- No, we could never kill their child, but we wanted people to think we could!  
  
JanBry- You're welcome, thank you for reviewing. It was a very unusual delivery, but we wanted something a little different.  
  
Amanda- Haha, I'm glad that you laughed after all that drama.  
  
Amanda- :'( I know, but it gets happier.  
  
LoopyLu1- Thank you so much, we are glad you decided to review, we have really enjoyed writing this fic, and are glad that so many other people seem to have enjoyed it so much as well! Kaden is a nice name, I love the name Sebastian though hehe.  
  
MrsWyle- HAHA Ernie, that would be so freaking funny lol, I would laugh so hard if we decided to do that, I could never write a chapter with out laughing again if we did that!  
  
HardcoreCarbyFan- Thank you! Ernie is Carters, Abby told Carter it was Ted's to piss him off, but Bryce clarified it for him.   
  
Abby and Ted were smart and used protection!!!  
  
Caitlin015- I'm going for fasgt and efficient these days. Well these two days, lol. Happy still will be on the way I think in three chapters time, not sure though!  
  
Caitlin015- I love leaving cliffhangers, they are so intense, its awesome!!!!  
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
"Just give him to me." I say roughly taking Addison out of Carters tight grip, he cries a little more, I rest his head on my shoulder.   
  
"Why won't you let me do anything?" Carter asks irritated.  
  
"Just go to bed, you have to work tomorrow." I walk into the kitchen to get some formula for Addison. "I will be fine." He catches up to me and blocks the entrance to the kitchen.   
  
"Just move John." I push, he is really pushing the wrong buttons, at the wrong time. 


	14. Chapter 89 Stress

Authors Note- I am just going to warm you that these next couple chapters have a bit of fast tracking in htem, starting with this one. So in each authors note I will explain the fast tracking to avoid confusion. This chapter takes place three months after the last one, so Addision is three months old, it is about the end of August, so Bryce will be back to school in a week or so. It is explain in the chapter how long Addison has been home for and anything else you might need to know. Anyways here you go! If you have any questions feel free to email me, or put them in the review, I don't mind either way:)  
  
Someone is brushing the hair out of my face, ugh I am so emotionally and physically drained, I can barely open my eyes to see who is hovering over me. It's probably John, he was called into work, I didn't want him to go, we never spend any time together any more, just the two of us. The baby has been home for two weeks now, its great to have him home, not having to spend every minute worrying about him. I know he will be just fine. The bed dips, Carter has crawled in next to me, I can feel him turn his body away from mine, that's the last thing I want him to do. Tiredly I manage to lift my hand up and place it on his shoulder, I run my finger up and down his arm. "Hey you." He says softly. I pry my eyes open to get a good look at my handsome fiancee. "Hi." I sound awful, I look awful, I even feel awful. "I checked on Bryce when I got home, he's sleeping peacefully, and so is Addison." I smile at him, even smiling is tiring. "Go to sleep." He leans down and kisses me on the nose. Before Addison we were attacking each other trying to have sex, now I haven't had sex since he was born, its such a weird change of events. Carter is probably dying for it, hell I wouldn't know, I have barley talked to him lately. We just don't get the chance any more, and I wish we did because I miss being with him, talking to him, being held by him even. By the time we get into bed we are both so tired we just plop onto our separate sides and fall asleep, I don't even get to cuddle anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love having my son, its the best thing that's happened to me since, well Carter and before that since my Bryce. If you asked me a year ago, about the time I started working at county, if I would ever date John, I would have said NO. Hell no actually. He repulsed me, he was such a jerk, but here I am lying in bed next to him wanting nothing more to make love to him, but not having enough strength to scratch my nose, let alone have sex.   
  
I am grateful that I am lying here now, three months ago, when Addi was born the doctors weren't sure if either of us were going to make it, and here we are, me lying in bed and Addi a few feet away in his crib. Bryce absolutely adores him, every minute is spent with him, he is not use to more then one kid and having to share our attention, which I think gets to him from time to time, but Carter and I decided that we should each take one day a week to spend just with Bryce, and the other will look after Addison. Soft whimpers disturb my thoughts, my eyes immediately open, and I sit up. "Lye back down I'll get him." Carter gets out of bed and walks over to the crib grabbing Addison, he brings him back into bed with us, shhing him trying not to disturb me further, when my sons awake, I usually am too though. "He okay?" I whisper with my eyes closed.  
  
"Yeah, just sleep."   
  
"I'm trying." I spit back, I am easily irritated at one in the morning. I can hear Carter get up and move into the living room with my son, he is trying to get me to sleep, I haven't slept more then three hours a night since we brought him home, I am just so concerned about him, I don't want to leave his side. Carter says he will be fine, but I wish John would let me take care of him for now, I know he's his father I just am so concerned that any tiny movement will hurt him. He had a rough beginning. I tear myself out of bed and walk into the living room, "hey, I thought you were going to sleep?" John asks sweetly.  
  
"Just give him to me." I say roughly taking Addison out of Carters tight grip, he cries a little more, I rest his head on my shoulder. "Why won't you let me do anything?" Carter asks irritated.  
  
"Just go to bed, you have to work tomorrow." I walk into the kitchen to get some formula for Addison. "I will be fine." He catches up to me and blocks the entrance to the kitchen.   
  
"Just move John." I push, he is really pushing the wrong buttons, at the wrong time.   
  
"You are so possessive of him, you are afraid I will screw it up." He yells, the baby fusses more, he is upsetting him. "He will be fine, he is not sick any more." He is practically ripping out his hair. "Keep your voice down, you are disturbing Addison and you'll wake Bryce." I hiss.   
  
"They'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about." He say a bit calmer. I don't know where this sudden rage came from, he was fine a few moments ago, maybe I should have let him keep Addison, I don't know anymore I am just so tired. My bottom lip quivers, and Carters face softens. He takes Addison from me resting him against one side of his chest, while pulling me against the other. "Go to sleep." He pushes me in the direction of our bedroom and I sleepily make my way there, the tears never ceasing. I lye down on his side of the bed, I know I will have to move once he gets in here, but that's okay. I just want to smell him for now. I lay there not thinking about anything, its a nice change from the billion thoughts that run through my head each day. "Hey." Carter climbs on top of me, he is crouching over me, lifting my knotty disgusting unwashed hair up, to place soft delicate kisses along my neck. "Hey, lets get some sleep okay." I nod and move over to my side of the bed, but he pulls me on top of him, I rest my head on his chest as he plays with my hair. "I love you." He kisses my forehead, "don't worry Addi will be fine." A smile plays across my lips, he is being so sweet after I just snapped at him. I definitely found a winner.  
  
~*~  
  
Seven. It is seven, and my child is crying again. I open my eyes and there is Bryce standing over his crib. Carter is still sleeping next to me. "I got him mom, go to sleep." He smiles. my head flops down against the pillow. Bryce starts school in a week then it is just Addison and me. Carter reaches over and rubs my arm. "He'll be okay."  
  
"Yeah, he's in good hands." I smile, and then turn to look at Carter. I know that he is sleeping, but he has to be at work in a few hours so this could be the only time we get to spend just him and I. "Are you going to sleep or talk to me?" I grin, I am quite peppy, considering those six hours have been the most hours of consecutive sleep that I've gotten since Addison has been born. "Hah." He opens his eyes and smiles at me. "Do I get a choice?" I shake my head then curl up closer to him. "I love you, you know that?"  
  
"Yeah, I do." He rubs my arm.   
  
"I was thinking about the wedding." I look up at him, he seems surprised, we haven't really talked about it since I said yes. "I was thinking we should wait." He sighs,   
  
"I thought you would say that."  
  
"Its just that... Addi he's so young, we can marry when he's two or three." He nods, and then rolls his eyes at me. "I have to work soon I need my sleep Abby." He rolls onto his side leaving me to fall onto the mattress. "John." I prop myself onto my elbow and poke his back until he turns around. "What?" he snaps.  
  
"Can't we talk about this."  
  
"What's the point? You're not going to change your mind. You don't care how I feel." He retorts.   
  
"That's not true and you know that." I say hurt, I do care how he feels, would I be here if I didn't? "Do I?" He has not turned his body over to face me. "You are making all these decisions without me. You don't care about me, I want to marry you. Not tomorrow, maybe when Addison is a year or so. Not three years old."   
  
"I said maybe two." I say in defence of myself.  
  
"You threw that in to make it sound better." He rolls his eyes.  
  
"Why do you think I don't care about you?" He sighs, but I finish regardless. "I love you more then you will ever know, you just like to think that I am always out to hurt you, you want to play the innocent one all the time. Guess what you're not! You proposed, we didn't set a date when you proposed we just said it was going to happen." I am yelling now. "Hey!" Bryce throws the door open. "I didn't take Ernie so you guys could fight." He screams, then slams the door. "If you feel that way maybe we shouldn't get married." Carter says sitting up.   
  
"So now you're breaking up with me?" I sigh.  
  
"No, I'm just saying maybe we should rethink marriage if you are not going to marry me for three years, then why be engaged? Lets just date." He shrugs as if this is no big deal, he talks about our future together, like he is speaking about his steak and what kind of barbeque sauce to put on it. "DATE?" I ask completely flabbergasted by his new decision. "Yeah." He gets out of bed and searches for his sweat pants.   
  
"They're in the drawer." He walks over and grabs them. "I don't want to date you, I want to marry you." I push my hair out of my face.  
  
"THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? LETS BE ENGAGED!"   
  
"FINE!" I scream back.  
  
"Fine, so its settled we are engaged?" Carter asks taking his shirt off and putting it on the chair in the corner.   
  
"Yes." I lye back down. What the hell was that.   
  
"I am going to see Addison." He leaves and I am left wondering what the hell that argument was. Maybe it was just me trying to get him to talk to me, I don't know why I even brought it up, I haven't really thought about the wedding. All I know is that I want it to happen, I know he feels the same way. I guess I am tired because all I do is work and run after Bryce, and feed and take care of Addison, I am going stir crazy in this house. I need to get back to work and fast. I pick my self up off the bed and walk out to see Carter lying down with Addison laying across him. Is it on the end of the couch, he looks up at me. "Bryce went to bed." I nod, I knew he would.  
  
"Sorry about before." I cringe.  
  
"Don't worry about it. We'll just be what we are." He sighs.   
  
"I want to see you more." I rub his leg. "I want us to go somewhere, just you and I."   
  
"I know what you mean."  
  
"I miss you." I lye down, resting my head against his legs, "I want us to go out to dinner or something, just you and I."   
  
"You won't want to leave Addison with anyone though." He's right, I don't. I can't. I don't trust anyone but myself and John. Sometimes I don't even trust myself. I am the one that caused him to be delivered early in the first place. John tells me to stop blaming myself, but I can't. I know I did it. If I had done thing differently during the pregnancy maybe things would have happened differently. I can't hate myself forever, as John would say, "If you hate yourself forever, Addi could pick up on that resentment and might hate you too." He's right, Bryce noticed my insecurities and I think in away that made him insecure, or not trusting me quite as much as he should. Kids pick up on these things.   
  
"Maybe we could find someone I like?" I suggest.  
  
"Yeah, you're willing to look?" Carter asks sitting up slightly.  
  
"For you anything." I smile, he laughs and strokes my arm. "Maybe you'll get lucky." I laugh. "Yeah, that will be the best night of my life." He smiles.   
  
"Well don't get to excited, its not even for sure yet."  
  
"I am always excited at the opportunity to be with you." He coos.  
  
"You mean in me."   
  
"You have to make everything sexual don't you?"  
  
"Only when it comes to you."   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
cool cat- Oh we sure do haev A LOT in store over the next few chapters, there are about 17 chapters left so we will be bouncing them around a bit!:D   
  
***PREVIEW***  
  
I need to know where we stand.   
  
"Abby?"  
  
She looks at me, giving me her attention. That's all I need right now.   
  
"What happened to us?"  
  
I see her start to suck on her lip, looking out at nothing particular.   
  
"I don't know."  
  
Time seems to drag out, silence engulfing us both. I glance at her for a second, and I swear I see a tear go down her cheek in the dull light.   
  
"Do you still love me?" 


	15. Chapter 90 Road Trip

Authors Note- So this is probably the longest chapter in the fic, accept for maybe the last chapter, that one is pretty long!   
  
So here it is, I hope you like it! Please read and review:)   
  
It's been one week since the request for time together had been made. And well its been a pain in the ass setting it up. Of course Abby doesn't know anything besides the fact that Bryce is spending the weekend at Alex's, and that we might have a night together. Well technically it's going to be three nights. Or something like that. It's been way too long since we've been together, we're slowly falling apart. She's changed a lot, I'm thinking from the stress, I just want my old Abby back. Even if its for one night, I want that woman that I fell in love with back. I don't blame her for being possessive and moody, but it hurts me sometimes. I love my sons, I love her, but we need to figure out how to make this all work. If we don't, both of us will slowly slip away from each other, and that's the last thing I want to happen. I turn the key in the door, and Bryce runs out.   
  
"Hey, slow down, you'll kill yourself!"  
  
He slows down for a second, then turns back around and gives me hug.   
  
"I'll see ya later, dad."  
  
I give him a kiss on the head.   
  
"You be good and listen to Sam."  
  
He nods his head eagerly and jets down the stairs.   
  
I walk in and drop my bag on the floor by the door. My key goes clunk in the bowl next to the door. It's become such a routine for me. I wouldn't have it any other away. I walk into the living room and peer into the crib. Addison's lying on his back, looking at the toys that dangle in front of him. He starts to fuss a bit and I reach down and pick him up. He's my little bundle of joy.   
  
"Hey kiddo, you being good?"  
  
He pushes his head into my shoulders and starts to close his eyes. So I bore my kid, I get it. I rock him back and forth a bit and walk around the pile of toys in the living room, towards the kitchen. Someone could seriously get hurt avoiding all these things. I love it. It hadn't annoyed me yet. Addi hasn't fallen asleep yet, he's probably just tired, not sleepy. I run my hand over his back, and he starts to squirm into a better position. I grab his towel from the counter and wipe the little bit of drool from his face. He's the love of my life. Well second to Abby. I grab his bottle of water, and head back to the couch. I sit down and position him better to drink. He gulps down some of the water, but I can tell he's ready to pass out. I put the bottle down and put him back up on my shoulder, rocking him back and forth. After a few minutes I realized he's asleep and hold him for a moment longer, just to make sure he doesn't wake up when I put him down, because that's the biggest problem we're having. He'll fall asleep in one of our arms, and then he'll wake up when we start to put him down. And he's growing so fast, he's a little bit chubby. At least he's okay. We can't thank god enough for that. I put him down in his crib and throw the blanket over his stomach and legs. He's going to be a spoiled little brat when he gets older.   
  
I listen for any forms of movement in the condo, and I head towards the bathroom. I turn the door, and it's unlocked. She's in my bathrobe blow-drying her hair. I stand and watch her for a minute. She's beautiful. For everything that we've gone through, every time I see her, she still takes my breath away. She finishes her hair, she's oblivious to the fact that I'm behind her. She starts to grab a rubber band to put her hair up, but I reach up and pull it out of her grasp, and pull her closer to me, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She pushes me away, and I know when to leave her alone. And right now would be one of those times.   
  
"Where the hell are we going?"  
  
She's trying to keep her voice down, but she's agitated. She's always agitated. I stop her for a second, blocking the doorway. The only way I can keep her from running away from me, or pretending to something else lately. I cup her chin, and make her look at me.   
  
"Do you trust me?"  
  
She shrugs her shoulders and attempts to look away, but I don't let her.   
  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
She manages to break away from my hold, but I go after her and grab her around her waist. I don't think I've done that in ages.   
  
"Everything."  
  
She pushes my hands off from around her waist and heads into the bedroom.   
  
"What am I supposed to wear?"  
  
I don't follow her, instead I pull my cell out of my pocket and look at the clock. So the bags are packed and in the car. She doesn't exactly know that I packed bags. I doubt she will realize since all she's worn lately is pyjamas or my sweats.   
  
"Something comfortable."  
  
She walks into her closet and come out with a pair of her sweatpants and a sweater. She waves them in the air and I shrug my shoulders and nod my head. She slams the door somewhat forcefully, and of course there is Addi making his presence known to us. I head over to him and pick him up. He immediately starts crying and rests back against my shoulder. He'll fall asleep in a second or so. She comes out, not looking happy at all.   
  
"Who is this sitter?"  
  
I look at the clock. She's supposed to be here any minute. I told her to be here around quarter to four, since we have quite a drive in front of us. We could have taken a plane, but we need time to talk. And it's not that easy to get out of a car and run away. The worst thing she can do is not talk. We'll somehow figure everything out. But first I'm going to have her sleep for a few hours. The door bell rings, god that thing is loud. I look at Addi but he only shifts a bit in my arms. He's not affected by it.   
  
"You'll meet her right now."  
  
I watch her try to clean up some of the toys and blankets, but she gives up in frustration a few minutes later. She looks ready to cry. I walk over the door and open it.  
  
"Hey Susan."  
  
She immediately reaches for Addi and he grabs her shirt and hold on for dear life. He acts really strangely when he's tired. I close the door behind us to avoid a draft. I look at Abby and she doesn't look too enthusiastic. Susan sits down on the sofa next to her and rocks Addi back and forth. I can only guess the things that are going through her mind right now, but I have a come back for every single one. Susan's one of our closest friends, she's Addi's godmother, she's a doctor, she's raised three kids so far, she's perfectly qualified, she loves Addi like one of her own. I'd trust Susan with my life, along with my son's. I just want to get Abby out of here, she needs to calm down, to relax. Of course she doesn't know anything about having Luka come in when Susan has to work. She'll find out, eventually, but not yet. I give Addi a kiss and I whisper a quick thank you to Susan. I reach up for Abby, but she's not being cooperative. She gives me this look of scorn, like she doesn't want to go. I don't care if she wants to go or not, she's going. I pull her up and she starts to stomp her feet towards the purse.   
  
"You have my cell and pager, and you have the number of the house, right?"  
  
I watch Susan nod her head and she smiles.   
  
"Go. Have fun. Don't worry about us, we'll be okay."  
  
Addi already fell asleep, and Abby goes over to him to give him a kiss. I walk over to her and begin to slowly pull her away. She brushes me off, but eventually gives up and walks with me towards the car. I shut the door behind me and we descend down the stairs. I took my father's Mercedes only because it's comfortable and a Jeep is not something you want to take on a road trip. I open the door for her and she gets in, acting somewhat cold. I hope this will all blow over soon. I don't want her acting like this the whole way there. I take the blanket I held in my hands and draped it over her body. I put a small pillow behind her head, and I hear a small sigh. I shut the door and I get behind the wheel. We will just barely beat the rush hour traffic out of Chicago. The rest of the trip should be a breeze. I look back at Abby as we pull away from the condo, and she looks back up at the window.   
  
"What time will we be back?"  
  
I take the turn onto the highway. I could tell her the truth, but I'm not planning to.   
  
"Somewhere around twelve."  
  
On Monday morning. She doesn't need to know that just yet either.   
  
"Take a nap, the place is just beyond the city."  
  
She rolls over onto the side of the door and curls her feet closer to her body. The place is just beyond the city, just not Chicago. There are a lot of cities in the US, even in the world.   
  
~*~  
  
She's been asleep for almost eight hours. Probably the longest she has slept in months. It's almost eleven at night, we are more than halfway there. There hasn't been any traffic or road construction so I've been pushing about 75 most of the way here. It's dark already, so there are even less cars on the road. I've stopped for gas a few times, but she hasn't woken up. She looks so peaceful and tranquil sleeping, not a worry in the world. She has to be worn out completely, but I know I'm in for it when she wakes up. She'll know we arent' in Chicago anymore. First off there are no cows, ducks, hens, chickens, or horses anywhere near the city. It's peaceful going through the countryside. We'll be hitting the mountains soon. I'm going to be yelled at and scorned for not telling her where we were going. I'm more worried about how she's going to react to not coming home tonight, without Addi for so long.   
  
I managed to call Susan and she said they were doing fine. Luka had come over for a bit to help out and he's actually being cooperative. I love my Addi. I also called Bryce. I managed to talk Abby into letting me get him a cell phone so we can keep a better eye on him. He's out with Alex at the arcade playing games and eating pizza. Of course they are under Sam's supervision. Or so I hope. And alone. Without anyone of the female gender. He knows he's not dating again until sixteen. I'm the one that told him that. Of course he hated me for a few hours, but he got over it.  
  
I roll my window back up, it's starting to rain a little. One of those little drizzles. It's actually relaxing. I pull the blanket closer around her with my right hand. I can see her gentle breaths. I turn the radio back on, turning the speakers off on her side of the car, just enough for me to hear the music. Every time we get out of a county or a state, the radio stations switch, so I press seek on the bar and some random station turns on. I hear a song coming on, so I don't bother to change it. I hate those stations that either talk too much or let the commercials run longer than the actual music. I look at the road in front of me, and it's empty except for a few scattered cars. I start to listen to the lyrics of the song, I usually listen to something classical, but all my CD's are in the trunk. This will have to do.  
  
I look at her and have to smile  
  
As we go driving for a while  
  
her hair blowing in the open window of my car   
  
and as we go, I see the lights,   
  
I watch them glimmer in her eyes  
  
In the darkness of the evening  
  
And I've got all that I need  
  
Right here in the passenger seat  
  
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road  
  
Knowing that she's inches from me  
  
We stop to get something to drink   
  
my mind clouds and I can't think   
  
scared to death to say I love her   
  
then the moon peeks from the clouds   
  
In hear my heart it beats so loud   
  
try to tell her simply...  
  
The one time I actually decide to listen to music with lyrics is the same time they manage to describe my situation perfectly. I never imagined that I would end up going back there, and with her either. I haven't been at the house since Bobby died. We just decided to stop going, it held too many memories. It hurt my parents way too much. My mother started to blame my father for his leukemia. And my father, on the other hand, blamed her for not being a better mother. It was a world of hate and fights. We fell apart after Bobby instead of growing closer together. That's not what I want my family to be like. We've pulled through separations, and fights, arguments, hate. But we're still okay. We've managed to survive hospital stays, sleepless nights, and worries. Somehow I think we will be just fine. No matter what happens, we're stronger than ever. I hear a shift in the seat behind me, and I look towards her. She looks at me, and I see the first sincere smile in a long time. I'm preparing myself for the attack. I look back at the road and wait for her to realize what time it is and where we are. Out of the corner of my eye I see her look at the clock, and look out the window. She automatically sits up, on the edge of her seat.   
  
"John, where the hell are we?"  
  
She's still got the hint of sleep in her voice and in her movement.   
  
"We're almost halfway there."  
  
A look of terror passes along her face.   
  
"No. No. NO. What about Bryce? Addi?"  
  
I check my rear view mirror and my side mirror and pass a minivan in front of us that decided to go the speed limit. Who goes the speed limit in cow country?   
  
"Remember when I asked you if you trusted me?"  
  
She nods her head, she's growing frustrated, angry, and afraid.   
  
"Do you?"  
  
I see her squint back tears. I'm trying to control my voice, I don't want her to worry, or go crazy on me. She's been known to do that if it involves either one of her sons. She looks at the road, searching for answers. She reluctantly nods her head, I see the terror etched on her face.   
  
"Then trust me completely."  
  
I see her look at me, and she wipes away some of the tears that started to fall. I take my cell out of the cup holder where I placed it and search for the number to dial home. It's ten here, so it's only nine there. Susan or Luka should still be up. I dial the number and wait for someone to pick up. I hear Susan's voice.   
  
"Hey Susan."  
  
I hear her hey over pouts of laughter. She must be playing with Addi.   
  
"Do me a favor? Tell Abby our son is perfectly safe, healthy, and happy?"  
  
I hand the phone to Abby and she gives me a death look. I hear her conversation with Abby, it's pretty basic. She's worried about Addi, who is perfectly fine. I hear Susan tell Abby to stop worrying and relax. She'll never get another chance for about three years. I hear Abby give her an awkward laugh and she slams the phone shut. I can't tell if she's angry, or just concerned.   
  
"You told me we were going to be home by twelve."  
  
I nod my head. I can't tell what she's thinking, her voice tells me nothing.   
  
"Twelve Monday afternoon."  
  
She sits back against the seat, wrapping the blanket closer around her.   
  
"How the hell am I supposed to trust you when you lied to me?"  
  
I take a sip of my coffee slowly. It's cold and disgusting, but the caffeine is keeping me up.   
  
"I never lied to you."  
  
She looks out at the countryside. Now I can tell she's irritated.   
  
"Well you certainly didn't tell me the truth."  
  
I sigh a bit. She's positioning her body farther away from me.   
  
"Oh, so now your mad?"  
  
I keep my eyes on the road, I expected this. I just need to control myself. I knew she wouldn't exactly be thrilled if I told her we were leaving our children for three days. This is the only way I could get her away from the city, away from everything.   
  
"No. I could never be mad at you."  
  
She grabs a bottle of water from the backseat and takes a sip, then starts to play with it. I don't hear anything from her for a while. She's still got her hands crossed over her chest, but I think she realized we're not going home.   
  
"Abby, I'm sorry. I should have told you the whole truth. But then I wouldn't have been able to get you come. We both a need a break. From the boys, from Chicago, from work, from our problems. Bryce is spending the weekend at Alex's. Susan and Luka are taking care of Addi. He'll be fine. They are both doctors, and both have raised more than one child. They know what they are doing."  
  
The expression on her face starts to ease a bit, so I guess I'm making some progress.   
  
"This is our time. Just you and me. Please don't be furious at me."  
  
Her sitting position eases a bit. She reaches for my right hand and holds it for a bit.   
  
"It doesn't change the fact that you lied to me."  
  
I let go of her hand and run my hand through my hair for a second, then get my hand back on the steering wheel.   
  
"So you're going to punish me for the whole time?"  
  
She shakes her head, she doesn't look exactly thrilled but its not the same expression she held a few moments ago.   
  
"No.. I just wish I could have known."  
  
I bite on my bottom lip. I guess I should have maybe told her the outing was going to be for three days.   
  
"Are you okay with this?"  
  
I kept on convincing myself for the whole eight hours, no matter what, I wouldn't turn around, no matter what she would say. And now I just doubted myself.   
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
I shrug my shoulders, looking at the posts.   
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
She rolls her eyes.   
  
"Do I have a choice?"  
  
I shrug my shoulders again.   
  
"You always have a choice."  
  
She curls back up with the blanket.   
  
"Yeah. I'll be okay."  
  
I give her a slight smile.   
  
"Have a nice nap?"  
  
She starts to laugh a bit, the tension seemed to disappear. I haven't heard her laugh like that in years. It sounds like music to my ears. I'm falling deeper and deeper in love with her after every second together.   
  
"How long was I asleep for?"  
  
Well she slept through Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio.   
  
"A good eight hours."  
  
She starts to laugh again.   
  
"I needed it."  
  
I see a restaurant and a gas station coming up, so I guess I'll tank up here. We'll get something to eat, because I'm about to starve to death.   
  
"Hungry?"  
  
She starts to nod her head, and I steer the car over the loop towards the diner. I park the car and get out, helping her out. We both need to stretch, especially me. Now I remembered why we would always fly there. I cannot sit in a car for longer than six hours at a time. We get inside and the place is small and cozy, family run most likely. A young blonde comes and sits us, she's really awake for ten o clock at night. We both order a cheeseburger with fries and a soda. Something easy to eat without getting too messy. We're sitting in a corner table facing each other. She's resting her head in her hands. I reach over and push the strands of stray brown hair away from her eyes, and grab her hands.   
  
"Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
She nods her head more reassuringly.   
  
"Yeah. I guess I've got to learn how to let go."  
  
I smile at her. She looks better, and is acting better. I guess a woman really needs her beauty sleep. Our food arrives quickly and we eat in silence since the place is pretty empty and the two people working there are probably talking about us anyway. We are done in about twenty minutes, and we head out after paying the bill. I fill the tank, so we should make it out of Pennsylvania and some of New York. We get back out on the road, We still have a good five to six hours left in front of us. I had planned this all out. She'll have to wait and see why. We sit in silence for a while, she's looking out at the road, resting. It's quite peaceful, just driving. But of course, we have some things we need to talk over first. I need to know where we stand.   
  
"Abby?"  
  
She looks at me, giving me her attention. That's all I need right now.   
  
"What happened to us?"  
  
I see her start to suck on her lip, looking out at nothing particular.   
  
"I don't know."  
  
Time seems to drag out, silence engulfing us both. I glance at her for a second, and I swear I see a tear go down her cheek in the dull light.   
  
"Do you still love me?"  
  
I don't know why I asked her that. It was the only thing I was worried about. I love her with my whole life, everything I would give her if I only could. And I need nothing from her except for her love.   
  
"Yes. Why would you even ask that?"  
  
I keep my eyes fixated on the road. I know we need this talk, but I never realized it would be this hard. After every question or answer, there hangs an air of doubt or silence. It's almost as if we're making sure not to hurt each other, when in truth we are killing each other. Like a fisherman or a hunter leading in his prey before killing it.   
  
"Doubt, I guess... Lately you've been pushing me away more and more, and I don't know what to do to make you love me. Everything I try to do always ends up in you hating me more or us fighting. I know that we can't be perfect, but if being with me isn't right...If you don't want me anymore... Don't punish yourself, I'll understand."  
  
I'll understand, but I doubt I would be able to live without her. Sometimes love means learning to do what's best for the other person. My heart always tells me we're meant to be together, but my mind plays these cruel games with me. I thought I knew her, and the pregnancy, the baby, it's changed all of us. I don't know if its better or worse, but we're all a bit changed. I feel her take my hand and hold in in her lap.   
  
"I love you. I believe it more because you're still here. No one else would have stayed."  
  
I let my thumb run over her hand, holding it tightly.   
  
"I'll stay forever, if you only let me."  
  
She intertwines our fingers, putting her other hand over ours.   
  
"Promise?"  
  
I nod my head. I would never break a promise to her.   
  
"Promise."  
  
We relax for a few minutes, listening to the pitter patter of the light rain against the hood of the car the windows. The roads are clear, only with a person every few miles. This moment could be categorized as perfect.   
  
"I had never felt so empty in my life."  
  
I let her hand go for a second, putting it back on the wheel. I can see she's starting to shut herself down, or open herself up? I don't know anymore. She hugs the pillows, starring out at the road in front of us. I'm not going to say anything. She's got to learn to be herself, know herself first.   
  
"I couldn't stop blaming myself. I still can't. Addison. I shouldn't have started drinking. That's why he was born so early. I didn't even know I was pregnant. Everything started to fall, making me collapse. I stopped, but all it takes is a sip or two early enough. And then Bryce, what he had to go through. Richard would yell at me, and my five year old would stay with me until my hangover passed. My five year old son. I vowed never to do it again. And then there I was, in the same situation. Again."  
  
I hear her slow sobs. I can't touch her. She's in a different world, a world that she's probably never let anyone else into.  
  
"I was my mother. Maybe not Bipolar, but I was her. She used to drink so much, stay off her meds, go crazy. I never forgave her for what she did to me. I had to stay strong for my brother. But I was scared to death. You know, she chased me around the house with a knife and threatened to kill me because I went to see my father? I left as soon as Erik was old enough. I met Richard, the first man that ever said he loved me. It was okay, I guess. For the first few weeks of our marriage. Then suddenly I became too much for him. He worked a lot. Or so he told me. He had someone else. Less problems."  
  
I keep on looking straight at the road, but I hear every word she says. Every single pain she feels, I feel to. I can feel her trembling, her shaking, her tears.   
  
"I never learned to trust. I can't. Its impossible for me to believe in someone, that he will stay around. My father didn't. Richard didn't. My brother even didn't. I'm probably not even worth it. I have no clue what you see in me. You could have any other woman in the world. But you chose me. Have you ever been told you're crazy? And I realized when Addison was born, you're real. Not some illusion or dream. I've never felt like this before. It terrifies me. I'm falling in love. I'm in love."  
  
She's still starring out into space, holding the pillow even closer to her body.   
  
"I'm petrified. Every morning I think that this is the day you are going to leave me. You have no reason to stay and so many reasons to go. I've never felt loved before you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I push you away. That's what I do. I push you away, because I don't want to get hurt. I'll always end up hurt. I don't want to let you in, because you'll find out who I really am, and you'll realize I'm not the one you want, I'm not good enough."  
  
I hear her start crying again. I want to grab her in my arms and hold her. But I can't. This is something I need to let her do, for both of us. More for her.   
  
"I'm a screw up. I'm a screw up as a mother, a girlfriend, a doctor, a daughter, a sister. I can't do anything right. It's who I am. I manage to bring everyone down with my insecurities and fear. And I'll never change. You need to know that. I'm never going to change. You can't wait for me to change. You need to know who I really am. And if you still want to love me. You shouldn't."  
  
She curls up closer to her body, she's not crying, but she's trembling a bit. My hand reaches over to grab hers.   
  
"I love you, everything that you are. Nothings going to change that."  
  
I feel her relax a bit and lean her head into the pillow. She's going to fall asleep soon. It's drained everything out of her. We can talk, it may not be frequnetly, but we both can do it. We'll be alright. No matter what, we'll be alright. I glimpse at her, she's somnolent, forgetting her past, dreaming about the future.   
  
~*~  
  
We reach the old building, I haven't been here in about twenty years. It still looks the same way I remember it. The porch that creaks with every step, the sent of orchids from the fields mixing with the sent of salt water. The place is silent, the only sounds of crickets and of water hitting rock. It's beautiful during the day, magical at night. I turn off the engine and walk around to wake her. She willingly gets out of the car, still a little dazed from the sleep. I hold her waist and she leans against me. She looks around the grounds, I see a smile forming on her lips.   
  
"It's beautiful. Where are we?"  
  
I kiss her on the cheek. I haven't done it in over 15 hours, and that's the longest period of time that I've spent sitting next to her and not doing it.   
  
"Martha's Vineyard. Our vacation house."  
  
She keeps on looking around at the buildings, the fields, the stables. The place is still well kept, it's gorgeous. It looks better than it had before, yet it looks unchanged at the same time. I take her hand, leading her to the back of the house. I'm bringing her back there because it was my favorite spot as a child. Bobby and I would sneak out in the middle of the night and sit out there, watching the waves crash against the shore. I lead her up and down the stone steps and through gardens. We reach the shore, I pull her out on the dock. She's looking out in completely awe. This was my only good childhood memory. I motion to look up, the sky clear. Every single star that exists is visible. No city lights, no antennas, airplanes, cars, traffic jams. Pure and utter silence and harmony. The moon is a huge pale yellow color, bigger and brighter than it ever has been. She looks up at me, and I pull her closer towards me. The waves hit the rocks under us methodically, each in rhythm with one another. I let her go for a second.   
  
"I've never done this the right way, and I think I should."  
  
I reach into my pocket and pull out my grandmother's engagement right. It's been in our family for generations. I was searching for papers when I found it. I remembered her words to me. Don't settle for the one you can live with. Settle for the one you can't live without. She's looking at me, I don't know what she's thinking. Probably just in shock. I get down on one knee, opening the box, taking her hand.   
  
"We've been through so much. More than anyone else should ever have to live through. But we've made it. We've got two beautiful sons to show for it, and a stronger appreciation for each other. And no matter what you say or do, you will never be able to get rid of me. I love you, you are my world, my sun, my moon, my stars. I can't live another day not knowing that you are always going to be next to me in the morning. Or asleep next to me at night. Abigail Wyzenski, will you marry me?"   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- Don't worry, we have a plate full of fuzz and Carby love coming your way. '  
  
Nat- Don't worry its Carby, they aren't really fighting, they are just stressed at the moment, having a new baby is stressful, I'm assuming, don't worry its 85% carby 5% Addision and 10% Bryce:D  
  
TooLazyToSignIn- Thanks.  
  
MrsWyle- Yeah I think so lol  
  
MrsWyle - hehe Ernie, aw thats a cute name... for a puppet  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- We love it if you review for any chapters... so thanks for reviewing at all!!! 


	16. Chapter 91 Walking and talking

Authors Note- I forgot to mention in the last chapter, the song is passenger seat, I am not sure of the artist though, but that is the title and it is not mine.  
  
The tears come streaming down my face, just when I think he has lost all hope in me and I have pushed him as far as he will go, he comes back with this. He stands up taking my hands in his, I can't even open my mouth to answer, I am so overwhelmed with emotions. Cupping my face, he leans down and kisses me, slowly, passionately this is the best moment in my life, I don't want to let it go, I don't want it to pass, but I know it will. I know it will all change, it always does. Richard promised me the sun, the stars and the moon. What did he give me? A baby to raise all by myself. I love my son, but he just left me. What if Carter does the same thing? Am I really prepared to give my heart and soul to someone who is just going to rip it apart? He looks into my eyes, I try to break the gaze, but he won't let me. He knows what kind of thoughts are running through my mind, he knows everything, sometimes I think he knows me too well, to the point where it scares. "Abby-" He says firmly. "Don't do this. Don't push me away. We just finished talking, I love you, you know that. Come on baby don't do this to me. Don't break my heart." He pleads with me. I look into those big brown eyes, they are beautiful, I guess I never saw it from his point of view. He loves me, he really does. I don't know why, or how. But he does, and me pushing him away is not only hurting me, but its hurting him too, and I never want to hurt him. I love him more then life its self, loosing him would be unbearable. Can we make it work though? After everything we've been through, everything we are going to go through can we survive? The answer? I don't know, I could ask him, but he wouldn't know either. What I do know, is that I love him, here and now, I need him. I can't live without him, that's my reality. He is the father of my children, and even if he wasn't I would still want to marry him. "Yeah." I smile, "I will marry you. How could I say no? I love you more then anything." He leans down and kisses me, its the best kiss of my life. "One promise though?" He looks at me expectantly, "I want to get married here, its beautiful, how come you never told me anything about it before?" I say looking around, I have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about marrying this man, I know it will be the most exciting, wildest, most fun ride of my life and I'm ready. He smiles at me, "I want to tell you everything. About this place, and Bobby, just- everything." I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him into a hug, "I love you." I whisper into his ear.   
  
"I know." Quickly, he picks me up and carries me into the house, this will be so romantic, I know he has it all planned out, if it is anything like our first date it will be perfect, even if it isn't it will still be perfect.   
  
~*~  
  
"Hey." I roll over and see Carter lying there smiling, I run my fingers through his short hair, "How are you this morning?" He asks all business like.  
  
"I'm good, refreshed." I smile, he leans over and kisses me, I know we will be doing a lot of that this weekend. At least I hope we are, and more. I could really use some sex right now, well I guess making love. I could just go for fucking though, save the making love for tomorrow, when I am not so horny. I imagine he is pretty horny too though, considering its been before Addi was born. He takes my hand in his, "Hey, that ring looks pretty sexy on that finger of yours." I laugh, he's such a goon. "It would look even sexier if you were naked."   
  
"You want to get naked?" I counter, rocking our hands back and forth.   
  
"With you? Always." He smiles. He stares at me waiting, I am not sure what he is waiting for though, because he is supposed to be the naked one, no where in this did I agree to be naked. "Well???" He pushes.  
  
"Get naked." I finish for him, he looks shocked.   
  
"I thought you were?"   
  
"No- Why would I get naked?" I ask stunned.   
  
"Because you have the boobs." He rolls his eyes.   
  
"Jesus Carter, pull your pants down." I whine.   
  
"Uh- you first."   
  
"That wasn't part of the deal," I grin.   
  
"we can make it part of the deal." He starts kissing my neck, slowly, softly. He knows what this does for me, he slowly moves down trying to lift my pyjama top over my head, I won't let him. "COME ON!" He whines.  
  
"No, you first." I tuck the top into the bottoms.   
  
"Abby, seriously I am trying to be romantic here." Carter seems agitated.   
  
"I don't care I want to see your ding- a- ling." I grab at his pants, but he pushes my hand away. "First things first, don't call it a ding-a-ling, he doesn't like it. Second, its customary that I see you naked first."   
  
"What have customs and traditions now John?"   
  
"Whatever, lets just have sex." He says a little more annoyed, seeing him angry is actually making me kind of hot. "Nah I don't want to anymore." I say rolling onto my side.   
  
"WHAT? After the whole take your pants off thing you don't want it?" I can tell his obviously aroused right now, or at least horny... Its fun to tease him.  
  
"Yeah, I'm a girl I have that option." I hear him fall down against the pillow, and sigh. We will have tons of sex later tonight, its a guarantee, but right now I want to look at this beautiful property. "Abby-" He whines leaning over me to leave a trail of kisses along my neck. "Hey, take me for a walk around here." I smile. He shakes his head and then reluctantly agrees.   
  
We are finally dressed and out of bed, the breakfast was excellent, Carter cooked. He insisted he actually fought me on it, and proceeded to chase me around the kitchen with the satchel. We are walking hand in hand around the garden, he isn't speaking much I can tell his is reminiscing, I don't think he has been here since his brother died. "Hey." I smile, he looks down at me, then continues his search, with his eyes, around the property. "What are you thinking about?" I push, I opened up to him, now he gets to open up to me.  
  
"Nothing really, just about Bobby and me." He squeezes my hand, and starts swinging them in the air. "I want to bring Bryce and Addi here so they can have some of the same experiences I did," He smiles. "Bobby would always push me on the tire swing, one time he tied me to it and climbed up the tree onto the cabin right there, then let it swing down." He laughs, pointing to the worn out tire, that is hanging from a half broken tree limb. The cabin is not very high off the ground, but I would not want my kid being dropped from there. "My dad wasn't pleased, said we could get hurt. Bobby laughed and said that we were 'untouchable.' I know now that he was wrong, but at the time whatever Bobby said went." He scratches his forehead, a small smile playing across his lips at the memory.  
  
"We should come down here more often." I sigh, "if it's okay with you."  
  
"Yeah, I really want the boys to come down here, enjoy it. I know Bryce will love taking Addison on adventures."   
  
"Yeah, we will have to watch out for those." I agree. Those boys will get themselves into so much trouble, I can see it now, Addison looking up to Bryce, following his every move, everything he says and does, he will definitely love Bryce. I know Bryce feels the same way about Addi too, he adores him, he loves coming home from hanging out with his friends, and spending time with him. They are both great kids.   
  
"I miss Bobby." He sighs, he has never really spoken about his brother. "He was so cool, I don't know, he was just the best thing. We had so much fun together, he was my best friend. The minute I found out we had a boy, I couldn't wait for Bryce and Addison to have some of the same adventures, I just wish mine could have lasted longer. I sort of resent Bobby though."   
  
"Why?"  
  
"After he died mom and dad sort of ignored me, I wasn't there anymore. It was all about the fighting or whatever." He rubs his eyes, I can tell he is getting a little teary eyed just thinking about it. "It doesn't matter I have you and our beautiful boys."   
  
"Yeah-" I push loose strands of hair behind my ears, thinking about how everything was changing since I arrived at county a year ago. How I thought I would want to kill Carter by this time. Its the opposite though, if anything happened to Carter I don't know what I would do. I don't think I could live a moment without him, I couldn't raise those boys without him, I just, I need him in every way imaginable.   
  
I wish he would open up to me, but I know in time all of our personal secrets will become our secrets together, we have learned and grown separately, but now I think its time we grow together. I want to know everything about him, although I know that, that is impossible. "Hey, why don't we call Bryce. I miss him." Carter says bringing me out of my thoughts. "Okay, I want to tell him the news." I smile looking down at my engagement ring, which sits above my 'promise ring.'   
  
"Yeah, he will be thrilled." Carter laughs.  
  
"Why don't we bring them out here for Christmas break?" He suggests.   
  
"Sure. They'll love it." Carter wraps his arm around my shoulder as we make our way into the house.   
  
We walk into the house and Carter dials Sam's number, he asks for Bryce, they chit chat for a while, "Talk to your mom." He says handing me the phone.   
  
"MOMMY!" He shrieks in delight.  
  
"Hey baby."   
  
"Addi is here, we were hanging out." He would probably go stir crazy if he didn't get to see Addison for longer then a day. "Great. Carter and I are engaged, officially." I smile.   
  
"YES." I can tell he is dreaming of the house we will get, and the dog, Bryce's dream life, the life I have always wanted to give him. "How's the sex?"   
  
"Bryce-" I scold, he laughs,  
  
"I love you mom, I am going to play some X BOX now." He says hanging up. This is perfect, I know there will be more bumps along the road, but as long as we are together we will be okay.   
  
*~PREVIEW~*  
  
Her touch is magic. I break away from her kiss, sucking on her neck, down her shoulders, towards her chest. In an instant she's rendered vulnerable, and I take my lead. I lay her head gently down on the pillows, not giving her a second to retaliate.   
  
*~REVIEW RESPONSES~*  
  
Kaitlin- Bryce just sorta started calling Carter dad, I guess. It was more because he pretty much is his dad, but you will notice in future chapters that he switches between Carter and Dad. Don't worry the fluff is pretty much permanent, other then the odd fight and such.  
  
Tilde8884- That's okay we are glad that you reviewed at all:) I know what you mean by things catching up with you, neglecting to do work is not a good thing! Ernie had to be in that name, he just wouldn't be their kid if it wasn't.  
  
HardcoreCarbyFan- heh, you have no idea heh!  
  
smilez4eva- hehe, you're not six, that i know of lol. I am glad you like it though!!!  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- I know, I loved that chapter (I didn't write lol) it was very good and well written! I am glad everyone else liked it just as much. Well some people are just gonna stay stuff.  
  
cate-I'm glad you enjoyed that chapter. But unfortunatly the story must end. I think people are starting to find it redundant and boring. But thats okay, we've had a good run!  
  
smilez4eva- :-)  
  
smilez4eva- Haha, okay, you don't have to write that anymore. you can come up with soemthing new lol.  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - Haha so much can happen in our fic in just one chapter, and remember there are still 16 more to go haha!!!  
  
honeybear1- Thats okay, we are glad you just review at all. Thank you, nothing is ever easy with this fic!!! It does kinda sound like addidas and Harrison hehe. I duno we found it on babynames.com  
  
(not so many)smilez4eva- heh love the name!  
  
smilez4eva- haha glad to know we made you laugh!!!  
  
MrsWyle- haha he is SOOOOOOOO sweet I want one too!  
  
vkh214- hehe well good to know we were able to resuciate the story for you lol! I know I want someone to say that too me too!  
  
Amanda- heh  
  
Amanda- I know he really is proving himself to be a sweetie  
  
Caitlin- Don't worry the second last chapter you guys will LOVE!  
  
smilez4eva- lol thanks for the tip, we did leave things out... the story won't always be entirely accurate. Don't be worried though, there are only about 5 chapters of angst or something like that left.   
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- heh yes they are. Yeah that was a long chapter! 


	17. Chapter 92 daytime sex

Authors Note- Okay I am sad right now, cause I read something sad... (spoilers are coming up... well sorta) I just found out that one of my favourite characters is leaving the show:( thats righyt folks gallant is going!!! WHY?? WHY?? They are really wrecking this show! Anyways despite my depression here is the next chapter-  
  
I play with her hair as her head lies on my chest. We're both looking out at the coast through the open window. It's been a long day, and as much as we both know we should sleep, we're not going to. We've both finally opened to each other. I don't know what it is about this place. I guess its like we've been sent away from reality, into this dream, and anything we say or do, will not be remembered when we get back. But we both know the truth is in the back of minds, and we still talk. I never knew enough about her, and I guess I've been given a little glance into her mind. I hear a little sigh from her, and I look at her, she smiles a bit at me.   
  
"I wish we didn't have to go home."  
  
I run by hand up and down her bare arm.   
  
"Yeah, but we have to."  
  
She nods her head.   
  
"We still have a day left, though."  
  
She throws her arms over me, resting her chin on my arm.   
  
"Any day with you is like heaven and a half."  
  
I give her short kiss on the mouth, but she pulls me back for more. She's slowly making her way to a half lying, half sitting up position. For a kiss that started out so innocently, it's turned deadly. I progressively, inch by inch, gain more access into her mouth. Lascivious desires finally being revealed. Finally being lived. We're finally both living. Her hand which had held my head closer to hers, now begins it trail down my chest, under the sheets. She spirals circles, traces out lines. Her touch is magic. I break away from her kiss, sucking on her neck, down her shoulders, towards her chest. In an instant she's rendered vulnerable, and I take my lead. I lay her head gently down on the pillows, not giving her a second to retaliate.   
  
I trace her breast with my tongue, the moans from the head of the bed telling me she wants more. I take her hard nipple in my mouth, nibbling on it, teasing her, holding the moment. Her hands hold on to my hair, urging me on. I take the other one, more fierce, more sultry. This isn't the delicate, slow sex we've had before. This is out of pure devotion and need. We need each other, we need to be in each other. More than we ever have before. My heart is racing, my pulse pounding, Everything I'm doing to her, she approves of. My hands all over her body, caressing, squeezing, digging into her. She's almost there. I've gotten to know her patterns better than my own. I feel her hands start running back up and down my body again. She slows down, running her fingers lightly along the inside of my thigh. She knows she has me. She knows I would give into her every desire.   
  
She keeps on tracing, enjoying the control she has over me. Finally, it couldn't have taken enough time, she grabs her prize. I'm hers. I'm done. She squeezes and caresses, plays and teases. Both hands, and only one, her mouth, her fingers, her tongue. I'm the one lying back now. She's on top of me, she sucks slowly and carefully, her mouth making my body burn, she moves up and closer, she can't stop. She can't stop. I won't be able to deal. Her mouth is almost right on top of me, breathing fast, forces breaths. Through gasps, I hear her voice.   
  
"You don't get to have all the fun..."  
  
She forces her mouth onto mine, I'm under her command. I've never seen her like this. I can't say that it bothers me at all. The built up lust, the lies, the nights lying next to each other, yet passion was erased. Or I thought it had been. My hands trail up and down her body, she begins to position herself for the final decent. She gives me a final kiss before the final push. We're together again. She sets the pace, I follow, rocking my body in perfect unison with hers. Her eyes are closed, her breathing is hard, building up, but I'm the exact same way. It's quick and short, she's close, she's so close. I push faster, farther, fiercer. She screams my name. I want to laugh. At least we aren't' at home, cause that would have woken up both Addi and Bryce. We both stay like that for a few minutes, the look of pure happiness and pleasure plastered to her face. God that was amazing. Just simply amazing.   
  
She climbs off me slowly, lying her head back down on my chest, the position we had originally started from. Her hand is draped across my stomach, our legs intertwined. Sheets in disarray around us, but who needs sheets when you have body heat? I kiss her on her head and she smiles at me. Our breathing is almost back to normal. I look out at the sea, the silence is absolutely seductive. My phone rings. She laughs a little and I pick it off the nightstand, opening it.   
  
"Hello?"  
  
I hear a bit of chaos in the background. I'm running my fingers over her shoulders, massaging her sore muscles.  
  
"Hey Dad, what's up?"  
  
I know Abby heard that much. She starts laughing uncontrollably, and I can't help but join in. That was the most random question I have ever heard.   
  
"Never mind. I know what's up."  
  
I pull the phone away from my ear for a second, and kiss Abby on the lips, trying to get her to be quiet.   
  
"So what did you need Bryce?"  
  
I look at her, she's pulling a pillow over her head to stop laughing.   
  
"Can I go to Six Flags tomorrow with Alex, Luka, and Sam?"  
  
I look at Abby, and she shakes her head yes.   
  
"Yeah, sure. Just leave your phone on, and you better not complain about being tired Monday morning."  
  
I look at Abby and she rolls her eyes, she's stopped laughing, but has this huge grin still on her face.   
  
"Oh, believe me, I'm not going to be the one that's tired on Monday morning."  
  
The kid has some nerve. That's probably why I love him so much.   
  
"Bryce Rupert Wyzenski, another word..."  
  
I hear his laughter cut off.   
  
"Aww, dad, don't break out the full name."  
  
Abby's lying, looking up at me, smiling.  
  
"Then don't make me. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight."  
  
I close the phone, shut it off, pull off the battery, and throw it somewhere across the room.   
  
"Now, where were we?"  
  
I pull her closer to me, and she nestles in my arms.   
  
"You were telling me how wonderful sex is with me."  
  
I cock my eyebrow at her.   
  
"Really? Just telling?"  
  
She nods her head.   
  
"Yeah. It was getting boring."  
  
I kiss her on the cheek.   
  
"Well why don't I show you. Again."  
  
She giggles a bit, but closes her eyes.   
  
"We've got a full day tomorrow. Why don't we just relax for a bit."  
  
I take her left hand, looking at the ring in the moonlight. I kiss her hand, and she interlocks our fingers.   
  
"So this wedding... When is it going to be?"  
  
I look out at the ocean. I was the one that asked the question the first time. It's such random change of attitudes and events.   
  
"Whenever you want."  
  
She pulls her body closer to mine.   
  
"Soon. Very soon."  
  
I smile at her, and hold her in my arms. We're both going to fall asleep soon, but we won't dream. Dreams come true for us. It might not have been the easiest road, or the most fun or exciting, but we made it. We are together. Nothing well ever be able to tear us apart.   
  
*~PREVIEW~*  
  
"They are beautiful flowers John!" I walk into the kitchen dumping the grocery bags on the counter.  
  
"Look I don't want the roses okay?"   
  
"Fine, but you could have at least talked to me before you bought the other ones." He walks over to the counter helping Bryce unload the bags of groceries.   
  
*~REVIEW RESPONSES~*  
  
Caitlin- Of course there was never any doubt, well in Abby's mind there was some doubt, but she quickly overcame that!!!  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- heh, you should be waiting for the next curve, cause believe me it is coming... hehehe!  
  
BlackChili- heh thank you... we try to make it somewhat funny!  
  
Tilde8884- Carter is pissing me off in the show, he is so damn annoying. Not just cuz of Kem, but I was a huge Carter fan and now they just have him wlaking around grinning like an idiot and thinking he is better then everyone else. I don't know he just comes off as really pompus and arrogant and I'm not really enjoying. Anways my point. We want to make Carter more Carter like in this fic, have problems yah know? Anyways thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you like sweeet Carter cause so do we:D 


	18. Chapter 93 Flower, groceries and babies

Authors Note- Everyone was loving the happiness right? Right? RIGHT? Bwhaha, don't worry its not gone far, just down the road. It went to take a walk, so while its on its little journey angst has stepped into to take its place:) enjoy!  
  
The soft glow of the sun illuminates the flowers beauty, casting small shadows over the tables, which Bryce impatiently drums his fingers on. His gaze meets Carters and the hands immediately go into his pockets, causing a small smile to spread over my face, I watch as Addi drools all over Carters new shirt, he ignores it though, continuing to look at the flowers that decorate the shop. I know the kind of flowers I want, but I highly doubt Carter would go for those. He has been rather difficult lately, which puzzles me, he is usually so easy going. Not recently though, he has been uptight and firmer with Bryce, rude and quick with me. I am not sure what it is, I tell myself it is nothing, but deep down I know its something. My grip tightens around Carters fingers, causing him to turn his head towards me, he smiles weakly, and now more then ever I get the feeling something might really be up, but I let it go because we are shopping for our wedding, picking out the perfect flowers and everything. The whole nine yards. Bryce is hating every minute of it, but I had no where else to send him, so he is stuck with us. There is worse places to be.   
  
"I like these ones." Carter says fingering the roses.   
  
"Yes, those our most popular flower." The wrinkly old lady says. I furrow my brow, Popular? Follow the crowd? Me, follow the crowd? Um no thanks, onto the next batch. I walk over to the next table completely ignoring everything the lady and John are saying to one another, it doesn't apply because we are not getting those flowers, they are not unique enough. I venture around the small flower shop, I can feel Bryce on my heels, I know he is anxious to go, but it has to be perfect, he will understand one day, well maybe. He might not understand why he is buying the flowers, but he will do it because he loves the girl he is going to marry, if he loves her enough, which he will because he's Bryce and he wouldn't marry or do anything like that without being head over heels in love, if he loves the girl enough he would bustle from flower shop to flower shop just for her. I stop at the very last table, the flowers are hidden, they are not as well seen. Maybe not what you'd consider a 'wedding flower' I pick one up, and I know this is the flower. This is the one I will have at my wedding. Bryce leans in forward with a frown... "A sunflower? Doesn't Grandma grow this in her garden and sell them to the little kids down the street for five bucks telling them it will turn into gold if they put it in their freezer?"   
  
"She doesn't do that anymore sweetie." I say still mesmerized by the flower.   
  
"So this is the flower you wanted?" He asks.  
  
"Actually, I just wanted dry, dead flowers." I sigh, but I know Carter would fall off his rocker if I suggested that, so these will have to do, and boy will they do. "You know the way Carter has been lately he will NEVER let you get those, right?" I look down at Bryce, is it just me or is he overly annoying today?  
  
"I'm the girl, pumpkin, I get to decide." I smile evilly. He rolls his, obviously familiar with this rule. Carter and the lady continue to ramble on and on about the beautiful flowers, completely unaware that I have left. "Dad." Bryce calls, trying to get his attention. Carter doesn't look over, he just continues talking about how the flowers will go so nicely on the tables. I love him, but seriously he's got to realise that those flowers are not us. "Dad-" Bryce tries again, I get the feeling Carter might be ignoring him. "Don't worry baby, he'll come eventually." I sigh, knowing that lately things have been weird with him, he has been acting strange. Out of it even. He doesn't pick up on things, he should know that I don't want those flowers, I don't even know why I bother bringing him on our wedding adventures. I know he is the groom, but he is becoming really annoying, arguing over everything. I am quite aware that the flowers will cause a huge blow out. I think Bryce knows it too, that is why he is calling him over, to end Carters infatuation with the flower, before it can really start. Addison starts to squirm, Carter looks down at him, his soft cries echo through out the small structure. Bryce runs over, freeing his little brother of Carter's grasp, then proceeds to tap Carter on the shoulder, he looks down annoyed, "mom found her flower." He sighs.  
  
"What?" Carter asks ticked.  
  
"Mom- she found the flower you are going to have at your wedding."   
  
~*~  
  
"They are beautiful flowers John!" I walk into the kitchen dumping the grocery bags on the counter. "Bryce, start putting those away." He reluctantly agrees dragging himself over to the counter to unload bag after bag of grocery item. "Yeah, for a baby shower." He counters.  
  
"How come we didn't have a baby shower with Addi?" Bryce asks curiously, we both turn, giving him the death stare, he immediately turns his attention back to unpacking the groceries. Addison stirs restlessly in Carters arms. "Give him to me." I sigh grabbing my son away from a grumpy Carter. "Look I don't want the roses okay?"   
  
"Fine, but you could have at least talked to me before you bought the other ones." He walks over to the counter helping Bryce unload the bags of groceries. "Let him do that, he doesn't need help with everything." I spit bitterly. He rolls his eyes, walking over to me taking Addi back and promptly placing him into his crib. "YOU WEREN'T LISTENING TO ME!" I shriek, as Addison screams. "You were only doing what you want, you weren't paying attention to what I was interested in." Bryce notices neither of us are going to get the screaming baby, so he runs over adding another chore onto the long list. "NO! YOU WEREN'T LISTENING TO ME!" He counters.  
  
"Well I guess we know what couple has communication issues." Bryce spits.  
  
"Bryce get the hell outta here." Carter screams.   
  
"Don't talk to him like that." I smack his arm, Bryce looks hurt by Carters words, this reminds me of when he was using, oh god he's using.   
  
"You're using aren't you?"  
  
"What?" He looks shocked, mortified.   
  
"You have started doing drugs again. What is it this time? Shooting up?" I press.  
  
"No." He shakes his head. "I am not shooting up."  
  
"Then what the hell is it? Because you sure haven't been acting like yourself." I screech, Addison cries louder, Bryce rocks him back and forth. "Give me the baby." Carter says between gritted teeth. "Bryce, take Addison into your room." I instruct, he takes the baby walking down the hall quickly. "HUH?" I push, Carter looks any where, but into my eyes. He looks around the condo. "JOHN!" I scream, I want to know what the hell is going on in his mind. Why won't he tell me what is he afraid of? "It's not that." He shakes his head, not giving me any more then that. "Well, are you going to tell me what it is?" I say impatiently, our eyes lock, he doesn't look away, he just stares at me. I am hoping he will say something, he opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. I shake my head, "I can't fucking believe this, we are back to where we started." I say grabbing my purse. I head towards the door, and let it slam behind me. I have no clue why I just left, I left my sons in there with a man who is doing god knows what. I left over a stupid argument too, well an argument that began over flowers, but escaladed into something much deeper. I lean up against the wall, I am completely tired, and exasperated. I didn't want to fight with him, but sometimes there is no other way. We haven't fought in a while, things were going so well, all good things must end. I push my hair out of my face, I turn towards the door, why the hell hasn't he come after me? Does he know I am just standing here? Probably, maybe he is just thinking, or maybe he is thru, he ran his course with me, he did his good deed, now he is out, out to do something for himself. He will visit Bryce and Addison every other weekend and on holidays, or whenever his beautiful wife wants to see them, pass them off as her own creation. I reach for the handle, but the door swings open before I can open it. We look at each other, both stunned by the others presence. "I-" He begins, he looks at me again. "You forgot your keys." He holds them out and I sadly take them, the door shuts again, this time it is in my face. I play with the cool metal, biting down on my lip, I consider going back in there, but that thought is immediately gone, I can't do that. Not now. We will work this all out, I know we will, he wouldn't have given me my key if he didn't want me back, I know that much about John. We need our space right now, too long together, too long living together. We are in love, we just need to sort through our own minds, maybe even unload some baggage within ourselves, then come together in a few hours and discuss it.   
  
I run down the steps towards the L, I don't know where I am going, or why I am going there, but I have to go somewhere, and right now home is not an option. I board the train looking at the moving city, its beautiful, well sometimes at least, and right now I find it beautiful. I get off at the stop near the hospital, I don't want to go there, I know that much. I reach into my purse deciding I should call Bryce and inform him of my where a bout's. I know he is probably concerned, John wasn't exactly prince charming with him either. "Hello?" I hear Bryce's tired voice answer.  
  
"Hey sweetie its me, I'll be home in a few hours, okay?" I try to put on my best 'I'm fine really, I'm fine voices.' But I know he sees right through it. "Mom... Carter's peeved."   
  
"I know." I sigh. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, but he's acting weird, I mean you guys just got into this huge fight and he wants to go to the park." He is cringing, I can tell.   
  
"Well, maybe- He likes the slides." I giggle a little bit, the thought of a six foot Carter barrelling down a three foot long, and one foot wide slide is enough to get me going. "MOM!" He whines.  
  
"Look honey, go to the park, Carter is fine. Just go." I reassure him.  
  
"Okay, love you. Bye." He hangs up, I stare at my phone, wondering what kind of parent just leaves there kids, it was for everyone's good though, I think.   
  
~*~  
  
I walk up the steps, its is dark, pitch black. I can barley see where I am going, but some how I manage to make it up the steps without any fatal injuries. I stick my key in the lock, I miss a few times, he didn't leave the outside light on so I am completely at a loss for where the key hole might be. I manage to get it in successfully. I walk into the condo, I can't see in here either. Why am I with a guy who can't even leave a light on for me. I silently make my way through the apartment, not wanting to make loud noises, and disturb Addison and Bryce, who we moved into the same room, ever since Addison started sleeping through the night, that must have been a month ago. He is now seven months old. He is such a sweetie, its hard to believe we've been engaged for three and a half months. I make it to our bedroom, without waking anyone. I open the door, and enter the room, not so quietly, I care if I wake the boys, I don't care if I wake Carter though. I shut the door and flick on the light. He squirms in bed, covering his eyes with his hand, he blinks looking up at me, I ignore him, and continue to riffle through my drawers for my pyjamas. Its about one in the morning, Sam, Susan and I, had an amazing time at the bar, well they had a better time then me, they could drink, but it was still fun for me. "What are you doing?" Carter asks sleepily.   
  
"Getting ready for bed." I say stripping myself of my top. He just watches, even though we are in a fight, I know he is enjoying the show. "What time is it?" "I don't know, one." I say feigning irritation. I am actually quite relaxed after this evening, it gave me a chance to get out and shoot the shit with my friends.   
  
"Where were you?" He is now sitting up in bed, looking at me.  
  
"I heard you went to the park." I change the subject, he slammed the door in my face, was rude, I don't owe him an explanation. "Yeah." He sighs rubbing his eyes. "I'm going to sleep." He says laying back down. "Can you get the light?"   
  
"Sure." I walk over to the light switch flicking it off, but grabbing my book. I lay down in bed then turn my bright lamp on, Carter flinches at the sudden light. I start to read my book, aware of the sudden annoyance I am causing him, but not really minding all that much. "What are you doing now?" He asks angrily.  
  
"Reading." I flip to the next page, this is really a good book, its Nora Roberts.   
  
"A sex novel, at one in the morning, after you've been somewhere smoking?" He says getting close to smell me. "Don't sniff me." I say pushing his head away.  
  
"Abby, what the hell are you doing." I haven't been smoking, he's just to stupid to ask, he'd rather jump to conclusions.   
  
"John, I am reading, now would you leave me alone please?" I sigh, looking at him sternly. He gets up, taking a pillow and comforter. "I am sleeping on the couch."  
  
"Okay. Be careful of the spring though, Bryce and Alex popped it out the other night, you know boys, they can be so rough." I say nonchalantly.   
  
"Oh great, I need a good nights sleep, I have an early shift in the morning."   
  
"Is that so?" I ask, flipping another page of my book.   
  
"Yes! Now where the hell can I sleep?" He is shouting in a whisper.  
  
"Try the tub, I've heard they can be comfy." He cringes, heading for the bathroom, that'll teach him to keep things from me again. I fluff my pillow up and doze off into a nice sleep.   
  
~*~  
  
What the hell is that annoying sound? I look to the right of me and its Johns alarm clock. I smack it down, then head into the bathroom, he is sprawled out in the tub, one leg over the side of the tub, the other resting on the soap dish. His head is propped up by the pillow, the comforter tangled around his body, aw he looks so sweet, if I didn't know what sort of jerk he has been lately, I would probably kiss him. I stand watching him for a second, I contemplate turning on the water to wake him, then decide against it, that could just make a bad situation worse. "John." I watch as he stirs in the tub, he doesn't do much stirring, due to the confined space. "John." I say a little louder, he still doesn't wake up, turning the tap on sounds like a good idea, right about now. "JOHN!" I say with more force, he shoots up, hitting his head on the basket of Addi's toys that is stuck onto the wall. I can't help, but laugh. "What?" He rubs his face, trying to focus his eyes on me.  
  
"You have to work." I say leaving the washroom, I want to go back to bed, but I have to get Bryce ready for school, or rather, nag him to get up and ready for school. I know Addison will be up soon, so I will have to get him ready also. I start back at work a couple weeks ago, so this is one of my days off, my day that I get to spend with the kids. I walk into the kitchen, and prepare to make Bryce bacon and eggs, he deserves it for putting up with Carter yesterday. I get my frying pan out, and stick it on the stove. Carter emerges from the bedroom, his one sweat pant leg is pushed up and resting in the middle of his shin. "Good morning sunshine." I say, he walks over and starts the coffee maker up.  
  
"You making us breakfast?" He is watching me intently.  
  
"No, I'm waking Bryce breakfast. Will you do me a favour and wake him up." He looks at me, a bit shocked. What does he think I'll just forget all about yesterday. I'm not mad at him, I've just decided that I will treat him like this until he decides to open up to me and tell me why he has been acting so funny. We can't be a couple if we don't rely on each other, help each other and so forth. So we are not 'coupling' until he gets his act together. I watch out of the corner of my eye as he trots off to wake Bryce. I can hear Bryce moaning and whining about it being 'too early.' I would holler at him to get his lazy ass out of bed, but I would wake Addi.   
  
"He's up." Carter says walking towards the washroom. "Tonight you can take the tub, I have a kink in my neck, my back aches and I have to work a 12 hour, probably longer shift."  
  
"Serves you right." I say pouring the egg into the pan.  
  
"Why? Cause you left?" He spits back bitterly.  
  
"No, because you won't tell me what the hell is wrong."   
  
He shakes his head at me and then heads for the washroom. I watch him go, this mini girlfriend strike I have put my self on, could last longer then once planned.   
  
"Hey mom. Welcome back to the family." Bryce walks into the kitchen, poking his nose around the food. "Yay, you made us bacon and eggs." He smiles.  
  
"No, I made you bacon and eggs."  
  
"Oh, no. You guys are still fighting aren't you?" He whines.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Yes you are, and you are doing all this to get back at him. I put my foot, down I will not be part of this fight." He looks at me, then grabs the box of cheerio's. "I will suffer and eat these." He walks towards the table and pours himself a bowl of cheerio's. "Fine. Don't eat the bacon and eggs." I tempt.   
  
"Mom... Don't do this to me..." He frowns, he walks towards the bacon and grabs a piece. "Just one, I will not succumb to your evil ways. NEVER!" He waves the bacon in the air and heads off towards his dry cheerio's, too bad we don't have milk in the house, he'll find that out soon enough.   
  
***REVIEW RESPONSES***   
  
MrsWyle- heh Bryce is awesome!  
  
Tilde8884- much angst bwhahahaha...I love Carter, I love beardless carter even more!!!  
  
Caitlin- I am glad you enjoyed the chapter, the wedding does have a negative influence at some points on our happy couple!  
  
Amanda- me too! Me too!  
  
Amanda- haha we have thrown so many obstacles int heir way, we had to give the marrige lol  
  
Amanda- heh she would never do that  
  
*~PREVIEW~*  
  
I bite on my bottom lip. Why is this so hard. I mean I could have told her anything a few months before. I don't know what to say to her to make her feel any better. But breaking the news isn't something that I'm going to do for at least a few hours. We sit in awkward silence for a while, until she decided to bring up some random gossip from the hospital. 


	19. Chapter 94 spending the night

Authors Note- And the shit hits the fan! hah, hey did everyone catch Noah on the tonight show last night? If not I apologize, I knew about it and forgot to tell everyone. I am REALLY sorry! Anyways we haven't been getting as many reviews, I don't know if its because p[eople don't like the story anymore, or are finding it boring. So we are not sure about doing a sequel type thing to it. We are starting on another fic though, we are about 14 chapters in and its a little more mature then this one.   
  
I have had the absolutely worst day possible. My neck is still killing me. I can't believe she made me sleep in the tub. She wants me to tell her what's wrong with me, when I myself don't know. I wish she could just give me a break. My head is pounding, we had a bus crash and I had to deal with 30 screaming six and seven year olds for the last five hours. I'm off in ten minutes, but I don't know if I want to go home. Another night in the tub isn't going to be good for my neck or my back. I should try acupuncture. Or some form of pain management. I'm thinking of just staying here, and getting some normal sleep in one of the empty rooms. She's on tomorrow, so I would have to get home before she leaves. So that would give us a few minutes to talk. But the talking isn't going that well, so the less time the better. I throw the pile of charts onto the desk at admit, and grab a chair. I'm not taking another patient so I can get stuck here longer. I hate paperwork. They still can't find a damn machine to do it for us. Susan's calling my name. I can't exactly turn my head, so my whole body goes along.   
  
"Carter. Luka just called, he can't come in. Can you cover?"  
  
I squint my eyes. Well at least now I have an excuse for not going home.   
  
"What time does his shift start?"  
  
She looks at the schedule in front of her.   
  
"Nine."  
  
I nod my head. I have about two hours to catch up on sleep or on paperwork. Sleep sounds like a better idea. But I am so behind in my charts, I really should do them. Damn administration. I take half the pile and go into the lounge, dropping them on the desk in there. Then I go back for the second pile. What am I supposed to tell her? I don't know, everything has been getting on my nerves recently. Her, Bryce, Addi, work, friends. I wish I could figure it out, but I can't.   
  
"John?"  
  
I'm almost halfway inside the door, my arms full of charts. Of course they had to start falling. Because it's me and my good luck. I shouldn't have taken more than 20 at a time. I hear her start laughing, I give up and drop the rest of them, heading over to her, engulfing her in a hug and kiss on the cheek.   
  
"Annette? What are you doing here?"   
  
Of course I know I just started the rumour mill. Susan's eyes are ready to burn through us. But she looks fantastic. Absolutely breath-taking.   
  
"Medical conference at Rush. I was forced to go last minute."   
  
I nod my head, she's smiling at me. Of course I'm probably smiling at her too.   
  
"You look great."  
  
I nod my head. It's been way too long. I should have called or wrote or something. But she's harbouring no hard feelings. I silently thank god for that. She rolls her eyes at me, letting out another laugh. She leans down and starts to pick up my charts.   
  
"How about we ditch these horrid things and go out for dinner?"  
  
I take the pile she has in her hands and throw them on the desk, then I pick up the rest and put them on top. I grab my coat out of my locker without a second thought.   
  
"You read my mind. I'm starving."  
  
We walk out the side door, I don't even both to look back. I don't care anymore. I need a night out. Abby had her night out, I think I deserve one too. With a close friend. As soon as we enter the dark ambulance bay, my hand goes around her shoulder. Purely out of habit. I haven't seen her in so long, I just realized I miss her. We're turning the corner, walking in silence, when Luka almost walks directly into us.   
  
"Luka? I thought you weren't coming in?"  
  
He's looking at Annette and me, giving me a questioning glace.  
  
"Yeah, but we got through the traffic. You can go home if you want."  
  
I give him a thankful glance and he looks again at Annette.   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. This is Dr. Annette Denison from Boston. Annette, this is Dr. Luka Kovac."  
  
They exchange a handshake and the looks disappear. He gives us a smile and starts to walk towards the ER.   
  
"I think I should move here."  
  
I start to laugh.   
  
"He's dating one of the nurses."  
  
She rolls her eyes.   
  
"That can be easily taken care of."  
  
I pull on a stand of her hair. I missed her openness and sense of humour.  
  
"So where are we going?"  
  
She shrugs her shoulders.   
  
"I thought you knew."  
  
I grab her hand and we cross the street towards one of the cosier diners near the hospital. We walk in and grab a booth near the back. We place our orders and get some tea. No more coffee. I need to be able to sleep at night.   
  
"How have you been? You haven't called? Written? I was worried."  
  
I give her apologetic glance.   
  
"I know. I'm sorry, it's been crazy."  
  
She shoots her eyebrows up.   
  
"Crazy, huh?"  
  
I give her a short smile.   
  
"Yeah. Umm, I have a son."  
  
She looks at me questioningly.   
  
"I thought you already had one."  
  
I bite on my bottom lip. Why is this so hard. I mean I could have told her anything a few months before, and now I can't even tell her about my own son.   
  
"This one is biologically mine. His name's Addison. He's seven months."  
  
The smile disappears from her face for a second. She looks out the window, then turns back to me.   
  
"I'm glad, you make a great father."  
  
I can see the bit of pain and sorrow in her eyes, it passes through me as well. Did I make the right choice?  
  
"You have to come and see him. And Bryce."  
  
She nods her head, forcing a smile. I grab her hand.   
  
"I'm sorry, Annette. I shouldn't have lied to you. I shouldn't have left like that."   
  
She shrugs her shoulders, pushing her hair back with her other hand.   
  
"You did what you had to do."  
  
I shouldn't have had to hurt her when I did it.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
She nods her head, the enthusiastic and happy person replaced by a dejected and crestfallen woman. I don't know what to say to her to make her feel any better. But breaking the news about the engagement isn't something that I'm going to do for at least a few hours. We sit in awkward silence for a while, until she decided to bring up some random gossip from the hospital. Being back at County was something I thought I wanted, but now I want to go back to Boston. The people there are completely different, opposites from the friends I've come to love here. It's like I left a piece of me back there. I miss the early morning rounds, and the random games of air hockey and table tennis during nights. I miss the nurses, who will do anything to make you laugh if something didn't go your way. We finish dinner, and we get up.   
  
"Where to?"  
  
Shrug my shoulders.   
  
"Home I guess."  
  
She nods her head.   
  
"Are you with her?"  
  
She says it nonchalantly, but I know it took a lot of willpower to say it.  
  
"Yeah. I guess. We've been going through a rough patch."  
  
I see her start to pout a bit, and she starts to straighten my collar and tie. She always did that. It always annoyed me. Now I miss it.   
  
"Why? What happened?"  
  
I don't know. I honestly don't know. And no matter how many times I say it, I have no clue what happened.   
  
"I wish I knew. She made me sleep in the tub last night."  
  
She starts to laugh, finally the tension is broken. I can't help but start laughing with her. Okay so it was a little funny. But it was cold and uncomfortable. And god does my neck still hurt.   
  
"Did you talk to her today at all?"  
  
I nod my head, we've started a slow walk back towards her hotel.   
  
"Any better?"  
  
I shake my head. It might have even been worse.   
  
"You shouldn't do that to yourself. Your neck and back will never thank you for it."  
  
I roll my eyes. I know that way too well. We are a few blocks away.   
  
"You going home?"  
  
I don't know if I should go home. She probably won't want me there anyway. I'm planning to back to the hospital and work on those charts.   
  
"No. I'm going back to the hospital. I can finish those charts and get some sleep."  
  
We stop in front of her hotel. She looks up at me, and her hand goes up to fix my hair. Some things will never change.   
  
"Stay with me tonight. I have a two bedroom suite. You can get some sleep, think things through, and go home in the morning."  
  
I don't know if it would be such a good idea. I don't know how much control I have. I give her my sceptical look.   
  
"John. You can't keep on killing yourself. Come on."  
  
I sigh and nod my head.   
  
"Under one condition."  
  
She stops and looks at me.   
  
"You meet me for lunch."  
  
She smiles and nods her head eagerly. That's not such a hard thing to do. I think we have a lot of things to catch up on. But right now, that warm fluffy bed is looking quite tempting. We start towards the elevator, I need to lie down, the exhaustion is finally kicking in.   
  
*~REVIEW RESPONSES~*  
  
smilez4eva- Heh, the comments are so funny! He calls Carter dad a lot :D, but they have their moments, thats all I'm going to say heh!  
  
smilez4eva- hehe your story made me laugh, lol a pilon lol. That was my nickname for a day in hockey lol. HAHA thats funny though hehe, glad you had fun!  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- fuzz is awesome, too bad it ended as soon as it came!   
  
Kaitlin- hehe carters a crazy whack on the show I do not understand him. lol.  
  
Tilde8884- haha if my fiancee was with holding information from me before my wedding I would make him sleep in the tub too   
  
bwhaha only cuz it would be kinda funny lol  
  
*~PREVIEW~*  
  
"You spoke to Annette?"  
  
"Yeah, she called. You forgot your sweater there, by the way." I spit bitterly.   
  
"Abby-" He knows that I am about to flip off the handle.  
  
"Two boys John. We have two boys. What things got a little tough so you go off and fuck the first piece of ass you can find? You know what? Fuck you, I don't need any of your fucking bullshit. Not anymore." I shove him out of the way  
  
*~REVIEW RESPONSES~*  
  
AngelicDevil1- heh... Bryce is the cutest kid, think they should replace Alex with him! haha, I kinda like alex though. Oh you though that was bad, wait for the chapter after the next one!  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- haha I was actually thinking taht Carter sounds bi polar, while I was writing the last chapter and I was laughing lol. No he is just having issues that you will find out about over the next two or three chapters.  
  
MrsWyle- You ask god why? wel your in luck cause I am god... errr well for today lol. hahaha Don't worry it'll work its self out... sorta lol  
  
ER-Carby-Luva - good that your back :) You got an autograph of Noah??? Lucky, although Carter is bugging me right now and I blame Noah for wanting his character to go in this direction, but hes such a cutie!!!  
  
Kaitlin- haha sweet Carter will come back, he jsut has to work through some issues! 


	20. Chapter 95 Miscommunication part 1

Authors Note- SO one day I was out on a mission to see how many times I could use the word Fuck in one chapter, lol and I think this is the chapter, so here you go. I have no clue how many times it was used lol!  
  
Addison was up all night crying, he is starting to teeth, the poor kid is in pain 24/7, I wish I could do something to make it better, but I only know certain tricks, like a frozen waffle, I saw that on a rerun of Roseanne one night. I hold him in my arms, its six in the morning, I haven't slept all night, I don't know where the hell John is. He was suppose to be home at 7:30 last night. He never showed. I was worried at first, but then Frank told me that Luka saw him head out with a friend for dinner, now I am not worried I am just fucking pissed. He could have called at least, when I left he knew I was going, I had my cell on too, so if anything went wrong and they needed me they could contact me, he didn't even have the good grace to do that. I swear I have no clue what is going on in that mans head anymore. I pick Addi up and lye him in bed next to me. The crying seems to have subsided, leaving me about, oh, an hour to sleep before I have to be at work for eight. I also have to bring Bryce and Addi with me if John doesn't show up soon. I don't know if I will be talking to him for the rest of his life now, I can't believe he did this too me. I hear the soft sounds of Addison crying, I try to sooth him, but it doesn't work, it hurts to watch him in so much pain. I place him on my chest and rock him back and forth, slowly. His cries soften a bit, not enough for me to sleep well. Maybe I should try putting him in the tub. Nah, that's only a place for stupid boyfriends, and boy can they be stupid. He better stay away from me for awhile, or have a damn good explanation as to why he didn't come home. Oh well I guess I can't obsess about it forever. I can torture him in cruel and unusual ways though, that can definitely be arranged.   
  
I look over at my alarm clock, 7:15, boy this morning has been a hard one, I didn't get any sleep last night, and now I am exhausted and I have to work a fourteen hour shift. I haven't heard from Carter and it was our deal that whoever has to work takes the kids on their day off. I am a little concerned as well as angry. I mean this isn't like him to just not show up. I walk into the kitchen looking like hell. Bryce wasn't pleased about having to wake up so early, he whined for about ten minutes, I told him to blame Carter, he asked me for a picture of him so he could stick it on his dart board and throw darts into his eyes. Sometimes I wonder about Bryce. Addison has covered himself from head to toe in cheerio's, its not a very attractive look for him, but the one that is stuck to his forehead makes him look cute. I pick up the cloth and wipe him free of this sticky situation, he also has a very smelly diaper. I swear if the first word he says is daddy I'm going to throw myself in front of the moving L train. "Bryce get the phone." I say as it starts to ring, I look up to see Bryce has fallen asleep in his toast, I reach my arm across the table and smack him on the head, he wakes up with a jolt, looking around curiously. I guess I better get the phone then. "Hello?" I say tiredly.  
  
"Hi, I was wondering if John was in?" I am suddenly very intrigued by this once annoying phone call. "Uh- may I ask whose speaking?"  
  
"Annette." She say chirpily. Annette? The women he dated in Boston? This is the first I've heard from or about her since he came back. "UH- no he's not." I say rather rudely.  
  
"Oh, well can you just tell him that he left his sweater here from last night."   
  
"Last night?" I ask pissed off.   
  
"Who is this?" She seems curious now, she didn't seem to mind who she was talking to before, but now that she realised John has a girlfriend she's all ears.   
  
"Abby." I don't really want to give this women my name, but I do want her to see that the guy she is banging has a fiancee and two kids. What a whore, I bet you she moved here and he is just using her for a good fuck. What am I not a good enough fuck now? I thought I was pretty good. "Oh shit." I roll my eyes.  
  
"Sorry, he gave me your number and the mansion number, telling me to call him at the mansion if I needed him, cause I am in town for a few days, and to only call him here during the day. I must have gotten the numbers mixed up." What the hell? This is making no sense to me.  
  
"Who are you?" I ask angrily.   
  
"John and I dated in Boston, and then he left me for you, and your well now I am informed that he has more then just one son-"  
  
"That's right two kids." I am about to yell at her, but then I see Bryce looking at me strangely. "I am sorry, John just left his sweater here, I meant to call the mansion, he said we could get together once more if he had time."   
  
"One more time? Wait why would he give you the mansion number he is never there?" This conversation is really not making sense at all.   
  
"He said they could relay the message. Look I have to get going I have an important meeting, could you just tell him I called."   
  
"Oh I'll tell him alright-" I can hear she is about to tell me something more, but I hang up on her, not giving her the opportunity. I think I've heard about enough to make a decision of where this relationship could go. I can't believe he left me here, like that, to go and fuck some bitch. What the fuck was he thinking? I may not know what he was thinking, but I sure as hell know what he was thinking with. "Mom are you okay?" Bryce asks walking over with his dishes, "Yah." I smile at him to reassure him, it doesn't seem to be working. I don't know where John is now, probably washing up so I don't suspect anything. Addison starts to cry and squirm, I walk over lifting him out of his high chair, I kiss him on the head, silently apologizing for giving him a bad father, for fucking up his life. He is going to hate me just like Bryce did for so long, he is going to wonder why his dad is sleeping with another women. What am I going to tell him? The truth? That his mother is a miserable hag who no one wants to live with or marry. I can't believe this just as I thought things were looking up, down they go again. Its just proof that I am a screw up. I take Addison into the bedroom, changing him, he will have to spend the whole day in the daycare now, thanks to John.   
  
~*~  
  
"Thanks anyways Sam." I smile grimly, knowing that Bryce will be pissed off that he has to spend the day in the ER. Alex has come down with the flu and I can't have Bryce going over there and catching anything. I hang up the phone looking at my son who is looking around the bustling ER, he walks towards me. "He's sick sweetie." I sigh, rubbing his shoulder.  
  
"This blows."  
  
"Don't say that." I smack his arm, which he then clutches in mock pain   
  
"CARTER!" I look over my shoulder and there is Carter traipsing in he smiles widely at Bryce then at me. He's actually smiling at me, he's fucking smiling. "Hey kiddo." Carter says hugging Bryce, Where's Addison?"   
  
"In the daycare." Bryce sighs.  
  
"Why don't you go grab your brother, bring him down here then we will head out okay?" Bryce smiles widely, I know he is excited to be free of this place, he takes off in the direction of the elevator. Carters gaze immediately descends towards me. "Hi." He says nervously. I think he knows I know. "Take the kids for the day, then bring them back tonight." I turn and walk towards my next patient.   
  
"What?" He is obviously confused. Maybe he doesn't really know what's going on.  
  
"She called John." I turn and face him, my eyes then scan the building. We are in a very public area of the hospital, I signal for him to follow me. We walk into the exam room. he shuts the door behind us then looks at me. "You spoke to Annette?"  
  
"Yeah, she called. You forgot your sweater there, by the way." I spit bitterly.   
  
"Abby-" He knows that I am about to flip off the handle.  
  
"Two boys John. We have two boys. What things got a little tough so you go off and fuck the first piece of ass you can find? You know what? Fuck you, I don't need any of your fucking bullshit. Not anymore." I shove him out of the way swinging the door open. I stop just as he is about to leave, "Bring them back at about eight, you can stop by the house get the stuff they will need, then tonight you can bring me your key."   
  
"Abby-" He chases after me, but I am having none of it. I know what happened. I don't need a freaking explanation, or description of how great a lay she really was, or is. I throw open the lounge door, I need a cup of coffee if I am going to make it through this traitorous day. I will need many cups of coffee. I stand at the coffee machine waiting for the damn thing to be ready, Carter walks in looking at me, "Abby, let me explain." I laugh bitterly, explain? Hah, what's he going to say 'well I did have sex with her, but it was an accident. You see I slipped and fell into her.' Whatever, I don't need this shit. I don't need any of his fucking shit anymore. "Are you listening to me?" He is about a foot away from me, the sun is in my eyes, and I don't want to turn away, because he is right there. I look down at my hand. The rings he gave me are beautiful in the sun light, but they are just a harsh reminder of how many times I have been kicked in the ass. They represent pain now, not love. I can't wear something that represents my pain. "ABBY, FUCK!" He is screaming, I am pretty sure everyone in the hospital heard that.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"I am not loosing you over this stupid fight." He takes a step closer to me, bad move buddy. "I hate you. I hate you now I will always hate you. Have your fucking rings." I take the engagement ring off and toss it at him, it hits him in the chest, he doesn't move, he lets the rings fall to the floor, he looks at me helplessly. The tears sting my hot cheeks as they slowly leave my eyes. I take the promise ring and throw it at him also, this one hits him roughly the same spot as the last one did, he still does not move. I want him to feel the pain I am feeling now. Why doesn't he hurt like I do? I run towards him, and pound on his chest with my fists. "I HATE YOU!" I screech again, he doesn't stop me though, he watches me, I continue hitting him. The tears are still falling, I can feel my world crumbling, everything I've known and loved over the past year, gone just like that. My safe haven, my sanctuary, the love of my life. I collapse into his chest, and his arms wrap around my body, my body shakes from the tears, he whispers words into my ear, I can not comprehend them though, I don't want too. I just want him to hold me one last time. To make me feel safe like he use to be able too, because I know in a split second it will be gone. Everything will be gone. I am living for this moment.  
  
~*PREVIEW*~  
  
"It's complicated."  
  
She nods her head, the tears are still in her eyes.   
  
"I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry."  
  
I pull her chin up to look at me. She can't control what happens, but I don't want to loose her. 


	21. Chapter 96 Miscommunication part 2

Authors Note- thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed the last chapter!   
  
I rock her back and forth in my arms. I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling besides love for the woman in my arms. I should also probably be mad at her, for not trusting me, for not believing that I love her with my whole heart and soul. But I'm mad at myself. I should have gone home earlier, explained to her, talked to her. It was easier for me to talk to Annette, since I had nothing to loose if I messed up when I said something to her. I had everything to loose with Abby, and I'm not sure if I have or not. Her sobbing has stopped, but she's still clinging on to be for dear life. I can't believe I hurt her again. All I manage to do to her is cause her undeserving affliction. I'm not sure what happened, but its obviously my fault. And especially in love, I need to take the blame every once in a while. To make everything better. Then we can talk it out. I run my hands up and down her back, but she's starting to come back to her senses, she's starting to tense up, to push me away. I let her go. I know either I will go running back to her, or she will willingly return. Somehow. I walk out the lounge doors, leaving her behind. I walk towards the desk, and I instantly recognize Annette. She turns around, and her eyes full of apologies and grief, brimming with tears.. She starts to saunter slowly towards me.   
  
"John, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."  
  
I shrug my shoulders, I can't hate her. It's not her fault. It's my own.   
  
"It's okay, mistakes happen."  
  
I can tell its really killing her inside. I know she doesn't like Abby by the way her eyes change and her features strain, but she would never do anything to intentionally destroy our relationship. Last night we talked a lot, I told her everything. I hadn't actually planned to, and we settled on just being friend. It was easier. We made it work better.   
  
"Are you two...?"  
  
She can't finish off her sentence in fear that I might fall apart. I guess I haven't hit rock bottom yet because I don't see anything that wrong in what I did. I should have called. But I did nothing that I should regret, or apologize for.   
  
"It's complicated."  
  
She nods her head, the tears are still in her eyes.   
  
"I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry."  
  
I pull her chin up to look at me. She can't control what happens, but I don't want to loose our friendship.   
  
"Hey, it'll be okay."  
  
She nods her head, forcing a smile towards me. I give her a hug, and as I pull away I see Bryce coming towards us, holding an aggravated Addi in his hands. I run over to him and grab him, rocking him back and forth. I've slowly discovered I'm the only one that can get him to be quiet. It drives both Abby and Bryce insane at times. I don't know what it is. I walk back to Annette with Addi in my arms, he's starting to laugh a bit, and starts to drool all over me. She starts to chuckle, the distress of a few moments ago a dull memory. I pull Bryce along with me, he's looking strangely at Annette.   
  
"Annette, this is Addison..."  
  
Addison puts his head into my shoulder, he's suddenly become very shy around strangers. It might just be a recent thing but I'm not entirely sure.   
  
"And this is Bryce."  
  
I saw Bryce giving her a nasty look earlier, but now he's blushing...? I wonder what's up with him.  
  
"Hey Bryce, nice to finally meet you."  
  
He shakes her hand, a huge grin is starting to spread across his face. Oh god. I roll my eyes.   
  
"Umm... Sorry about that time..."  
  
She shakes her head and starts to laugh.   
  
"It's okay, don't worry about it."  
  
What other time? This is the first time they've met. What's going on. Is there something I don't know about. Bryce and I are going to have a nice, long conversation when we get home. I'm rocking Addi in my arms, he's fussing a bit, but that's only because he's tired. Or hungry. Annette tickles Addi a bit, and he starts to laugh. He's so cute when he smiles. So is Bryce. I just wish that grin would come off his face. I mean I don't blame him. I lean down closer to him.   
  
"How's Dylan?"  
  
He shoots me an evil look. I start to laugh. She turns towards Bryce and I swear he's barely breathing.   
  
"You know all your dad could talk about was you? Now I know why."  
  
Bryce is beet red. I think its the funniest thing in the world. I can't stop myself from laughing. Bryce kicks me with his foot, out of the eyeshot of Annette. Oh he's going to learn way too fast, the reality of heartbreak.   
  
"So... How long are you gonna be here?"  
  
Bryce actually said something without choking on his words. I cannot believe this is happening. My eleven year old son is hitting on my thirty year old ex girlfriend.   
  
"Until about Friday."  
  
He nods his head. I can tell he's biting his tongue trying not to smile so much.   
  
"Do you think we could get together, I mean you and me and dad and mom and Addi for dinner or something?"  
  
Did he just ask her out? What the hell is going on? She looks up at me and starts to smile, shrugging her shoulders.  
  
"It's up to your dad."  
  
He looks up at me with these angelic, pleading little eyes. I swear I just want to hit him.   
  
"We'll see."  
  
I hear a frustrated sigh from Bryce. I swear his cheeks are going to be sore very soon. I'm actually very amused right now. Annette's looking around the ER, since the first time we were quite eager to get away from here. I look at Bryce and he's got that lost in love, completely head over heels, can't stop thinking about her expression on his face. The same one I get when I talk or think of Abby. Addi is suddenly mesmerized by my fingers and starts to chew on them. He's teething. I'm his permanent chew toy. I pull my hand away from Addi.   
  
"Hey kiddo, look that's going to be your mother-in-law in about twenty four years."  
  
She starts to laugh, rolling her eyes at me.   
  
"Really?..."  
  
I nod my head.   
  
"Any little girl of yours will be absolutely irresistible.'  
  
your head, it's not gonna happen. She's sin And cue Bryce hitting me again. I swear he's starting to get on my nerves. Get it through your head she's single, not desperate. And he's not even old enough to date. This is just not happening to me today. I'm not paying much attention to everything around me. But the place is slow, especially for a Saturday. I'm about to send Bryce a little warning when I see Abby's hand slap him straight across his head, loudly. He emits a yelp of pain and retreats onto my right side, holding on to me for his own eventual safety. Addi gets ripped out of my arms, and he starts to scream. She probably pulled him too harshly. He's still so delicate. Every millisecond he's away from me, his cries get louder and more tormenting. She gives me a look but doesn't say or do anything. She walks away quickly, Addi thrown carelessly over her shoulder, agitation strewn across her face. I'm tempted to go after him, but I'm scared our seven month old son will become a game of catch. I look at Annette, and she has a look of horror strewn across her face.  
  
"And that would be Abby."  
  
I turn back towards Bryce, and he's gripping his head, tears running down his eyes. She must have hit him a lot harder than I thought, or she thought for that matter. I pull him closer towards me, and he latches on. I run my hand through his hair, and he flinches a bit from the pain. I would send him up for a head CT, but I really don't think it's that serious. In a way, I think that slap was intended for me. But she took it out needlessly on her eleven year old son. I give Annette a pleading look, hoping she knows what I want. I want her to take Bryce out, for ice cream, a shake, I don't care. I need to get to Abby and get Addison away from her, at least until she calms down. I also need to talk to her. After she calms down.   
  
She seems to read my mind and kneels down to Bryce's eye level. He does the same thing Addi just did, turns his face away from her, digging his head into my chest.   
  
"You alright?"  
  
He nods his head slowly, and I see him twitch a little. That is going to be a massive headache. He wipes his tears away a little, and I see Annette's hand go up and get the rest. He starts to smile a little, and she does the same in return.   
  
"How about we go out for a smoothie?"  
  
I see him look up at me, and I nod my head. Only this once, enjoy it while it lasts kid. She starts to stand back and up give her a smirk that pretty much said, give us a minute. She walks towards the doors, understanding everything without a word. I kneel down to meet Bryce. First I play doctor. I make him follow my finger with his eyes. He seems okay, except for a nice case of probable minor whiplash. I run my hands over his neck, and the muscles are a bit sore. Great job, Abby. I pull him in for another hug and kiss him on his head.   
  
"Remember what I said, your not allowed to date until after your married."  
  
He rolls his eyes at me.   
  
"Aww, come on dad."  
  
I stand up and push him off towards her.   
  
"Be on your best behaviour, or I'll hit the other side to even everything out."  
  
Maybe that last hit will knock some sense into him. I doubt he's going to be commenting so much anymore. I watch him walk towards Annette, who has her hand out for him to take. He's not walking too straight. At least she's a doctor, if anything happens he'll be okay. She gives me one last smile before heading out the door with my eleven year old son who knows more about flirting than I do.   
  
I head back towards the admit desk, which we had somehow moved away from. Jerry's sitting behind it, eating a donut.   
  
"Jerry, did you see where Abby went?"  
  
I have to wait for the overweight bear to swallow before I find out where the hell she is.   
  
"She muttered something about the river."  
  
I start towards the door, but I turn around walking backwards.   
  
"Did she have Addison with her?"  
  
He nods his head quickly. Fuck. She has Addison with her. I know she's angry, not insane, but who knows what she might do. I do not feel like having my son chucked over into the river. I start a slow jog towards our usual coffee spot. It's only about two blocks away, so I get there relatively quickly, and I still hear Addi's screams, from a couple hundred metres away. I run up to the stairs, then slow down, taking each step cautiously. She's trying to get Addi to be quiet, but he's not cooperating. She's getting more and more frustrated and infuriated by the second. I'm almost close enough to her, when she suddenly turns around and practically throws Addison into my arms. I don't see enough of her to know what she's thinking, and I need to concentrate on my son, whose face is even redder than Bryce's a few minutes ago. I rock him back and forth, massaging his back, and his shoulders, checking them for any injuries as I do that. He starts to quiet down, and he grips on to my shirt. I kiss him on the head, and I hold him with both hands protectively. There is no way she is taking him away from me. He finally stopped fidgeting and whining, and his eyes are growing heavy. She looks at me with hate written all over her face. I know what she's thinking. That her son loves me more than he does her. Or something of that nature. I only wish it was the truth, it never will be. She is his mother, love will always be eternal and boundless. I see Addi's tongue coming out, if he doesn't have a pacifier, he sucks on his tongue right before he falls asleep. He'll be asleep in a matter of second. That was enough excitement for one day. I'm taking him home, calling Annette and telling her to take Bryce home as well.   
  
I look at Abby, she's leaning against the railing starring out at the water, a thoughtful expression on her face. I should just leave her. I really should, but I can't. I head closer to her, she doesn't move away. My arms are both holding Addison, and if I even try to move, he'll wake up. We both do not want that. I lean over and kiss her on her head. She doesn't look up, or at me. I don't bother to search for answers. I start to walk up the stairs. I'm going home to spend time with my two sons. We'll have time to talk at night. Unless she decides to punish us all and not show up. Or heaven forbid she start drinking again. Or goes to find Ted. I don't know what's running through her mind. Maybe countless ways to punish me, but in the end, she punishes all of us equally. Including Bryce and Addison. They don't deserve this.   
  
~REVIEW RESPONSES~  
  
Amanda- haha no its doesnt!  
  
Amanda- I would do the same thing too, I mean he slept at another womens hotel room... blah I wouldn't like that!  
  
Amanda- Carter's woes will all be worked out soon lol  
  
Vkh214- ooooooh yeah, Abby was really pissed, I think hurt too. I definetly would be!!!  
  
Tilde8884- he wasn't thinking I guess lol. Or thinking with the wrong head lol j/k they didn't do that!!! There might be a sequel, but before any decision is set in stone, we will see what the reaction is to the final chapter.  
  
Caroline25- hehe I think I am passed the fuck stage too. It was a momentary thing, kinda fun though. Hmmmm well she does get pissed lol, it just doesn't turn out quite as planned I guess lol. Lol thanks for not being bored, lol we would continue to post it either way, even if only one person was reading, we would keep posting it. We are really not sure about the sequel though, we are discussing it.   
  
kate- haha Noah Wyle was a riot lol, no he didn't cheat on his wife. They were talking about being a vegetarian and he said he cheated at that, he had eaten some meat. Not his wife. He sounds really in love with her, from things I've read.   
  
BlackChili- hehe thank you!!! We have been getting some reviews though, but I will post this fic til chapter 107!!! Which will be coming up soon! only 11 more to go!!!  
  
AngelicDevil1- don't worry, Carter will not be doing any cheating! I promise!  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead- eight, huh! Maybe I will try for more in another story that I write lol. Don't worry the good times are on their way.  
  
MrsWyle- hmmm lol dont worry abby isnt stupid she was just mad!!! lol  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - hahaha she soooooooo does bwhaha!  
  
smilez4eva- Carter is just uhhh lol he's just crazy lol and stupid.   
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- we are not really sure as of right now, if there will be a sequel or not. We have discussed it, and even havea chapter written, but have decided to see how people respond to the final chapter before we make a decision or announce anything about the 'in the air sequel.' Anyways, I am glad you are emotionally attached to those rings, they are talked about a bit over the next little while. Maybe this chapter and the next will make you cry, they are sad :(   
  
smilez4eva- you stopped getting your emails? Hmmm thats weird, very weird. I have a feeling this fic is doing a lot of relationship mirroring lol, blah boys only cause problems!   
  
smilez4eva- haha odd is funny, odd makes me laugh.   
  
*~PREVIEW~*  
  
The door shuts suddenly. He's gone, I knew it. He was just going to sit me down and tell me to get the hell out of his condo. . I can't take it any more. All the tension the hate, its all happened so quickly, over the course of a few hours. Its too much to handle. 


	22. Chapter 97 Silent communications

He's leaving, but why not right? He's already got our two sons roped into loving this new women more then their own mother. She's beautiful, smart, everything. Why he choose me over her? I will never know. I push the loose strands of hair out of my face, the water is beautiful, maybe it isn't I don't even know anymore, anything looks beautiful compared to this rotten situation. I don't think I can ever go back home, not to John, Bryce or even Addison. I love them all so much, I shouldn't have treated either of them the way I did. Its not the way a mother would treat her children. I am a terrible person, I don't know what to do, or where to go. I have nobody. I head towards the condo, I know he will not be taking them there, at least not right away. I head up the cement steps, my feet hit the cement hard, causing them to ache, this brings me pleasure, makes me feel better, call me sick, but causing myself pain after all I've done to my sons is something I deserve. I watch people walk by me, I first head towards the hospital, I have things I need to get, like my purse, and maybe I can scrape some dignity off the floor, where I left it when I crumbled in front of John. The doors slide open, I rush into the lounge, avoiding all eye contact from my colleagues. My locker door swings open, I can't help, but look at the pictures on the side of the door. They are of happier times. One of Bryce on his 8th birthday blowing out the candles, he was so excited he got his first bike that year, the first time I was able to really afford any sort of big thing like that for him. The next of Bryce holding Addi in his arms on the couch. My favourite one has always been, Carter with his arm wrapped around Bryce's waist, with me sitting next to them, holding Addi. The pictures remind me of better days, happier days. The happy times seem to come and go so quickly. I sigh shutting the locker door, those could be my only memories of my sons. God knows Carter could take me to court and get full custody of them, it would be simple. So simple. I would cry, break down, shrivel up in a corner of the cold court room, and everyone would stare at me, watching my every move. John would try to pick me up, then realise I am hopeless, so hopeless he turned to someone else during, what I thought were, good times. They're all just memories now. Memories that will collect dust in the back of my mind, the ones I push to the very far corners and stuff into the tiny crevasses of my mind so I don't get depressed by what I could of had. I could of had everything. If I was just better.   
  
I exit the ER, ignoring Kerry's shrill voice calling after me. It doesn't matter, nothing does anymore, anything that ever mattered is gone. Its dead, never to be heard of or spoken of again. They don't have a mother anymore, at least not a biological one. Addi never has to know that Annette is not his real mother, Bryce won't have a problem with it either, he dropped Richard for Carter didn't he? Carter is a far better man then Richard though, but can't the same be said about Annette and me?   
  
Who would the average person want raising their child, a crazy, abusive drunk. Or a stable, beautiful doctor. They would choose the latter, always. Always and forever. No one wants me.   
  
I climb up the stairs to the condo, so deep in thought I barley realised I had even gotten on the L. I am not sure if John is here with the kids, god I hope not. I just need to get out, get away. Go somewhere else. I am turning into my father. Running from trouble, from my problems, from the truth. The cold hard truth. But unlike my dad I am doing my children a favour by leaving them. Maybe its his fault that I am so screwed up? Who knows, I could blame it on everyone under the sun. It won't help my situation, nothing will. Ever. Nothing will ever be the same. Things change, not people. People who don't change, who refuse to change, are the ones who change what happens.   
  
I open the door and see Addi playing on the floor, Carter is hunched over top of him, smiling and laughing. Laughing like nothing even happen. How I wish that were true. But it did, he did cheat on me. I could have handled it better. I could have been nicer to my sons, I don't know. I just, I could have. Addi doesn't even love me, he prefers Carter, its painfully obvious. Bryce is the same, but lately I thought we were getting closer, learning more about one another. That's all gone now. Carter looks up at me, preparing to open his mouth, but I shut the door before he can say anything. I stop him from pointing out the obvious. I know its over, I did end it. I look down at my bare fingers, the ones that once held two of the most beautiful rings, maybe they didn't look so beautiful on my worn out hands, but god did I feel beautiful with them on. Sometimes just looking at them could make me smile. Well prepare to frown Abby. I turn to leave, I don't know when I will come back, I hear Carter holler something at Bryce, he then opens the door. Or someone does. I freeze, afraid to turn around, afraid of what I might see. Last time I was given my keys, will I be asked to give them back now? "Abby-" He says it so softly, sweetly. I can't turn around. I just stand staring out into the empty street. I don't know what I am looking at, I just know what I am not looking at. "Come inside." He pushes the door open more, I can hear yelps of laughter coming from Addison. Bryce always had that effect on him. I push loose strands of hair behind my ears, taking a step forward. The door shuts suddenly. He's gone, I knew it. He was just going to sit me down and tell me to get the hell out of his condo. I can't take it any more. All the tension the hate, its all happened so quickly, over the course of a few hours. Its too much to handle. I sit down on the concrete stairs, the ones I was afraid of Bryce tripping down with those long shoe laces, so Carter taped his shoelaces up to ease my fears. My head falls into my hands, I don't cry. I can't, I have cried far to many tears over this relationship. Tears that weren't worth crying. Tears that lead no where. I sigh, leaning my head to the side, I can feel someone move closer, the body sits down beside me. "You want to hear the truth now, or would you like to keep going like this? In the endless circles, the ones we run in over and over telling each other this will be the time. The time we break the horrible habit of hurting each other, but we never do." Are we better off without each other? Probably, but for some reason I just can't stay away from him. I want to turn to him now, let him confirm my suspicions that he agrees that it should be over. I can't though, I can't hear the words, they will rip me apart inside, more so then I already am. "Abby." He says softly, he doesn't touch me, which is probably for the best, I plan on keeping my composure in tact this time.   
  
"Listen to me. You don't have to look just listen." He pauses, I can tell he is staring at me. "Annette and I dated in Boston, I can give you all the information on that another time, if you still want it. But yesterday we didn't do anything. We didn't even sleep in the same room." I think about turning my head towards him, making eye contact, but then I may be sucked into his vortex, the one that has me trapped. "I was- uh, this probably isn't go to add much to our situation." He laughs nervously, continuing. "I was having the pre wedding jitters. Afraid of what could happen to us, all the things that could go wrong. I was so mad that you made me sleep in the tub." I want to laugh at this, under normal circumstances I probably would. Now is different, now its scary, the possibility of loosing him after all this time has become so real, so scary its undesirable. "Annette has a conference in town, we went out for dinner, she said since I was tired and didn't want to get the tub again that it would be okay if I stayed in one of the rooms, of her two room suite." I can tell he is looking at me, waiting for a response, answers anything. Minutes pass, I don't know what he wants me to do, rejoice because he remained faithful? Or kick myself in the ass, declare him king and myself dirt, will collapsing onto the ground in tears of self pity, because I am such a fuck up that I actually accused my loving boyfriend of hurting me so deeply. I can feel him get up, he stands over me, his shadow casting shade from the sun. He walks away. "Why didn't you stay at the mansion?" The first words I've spoken too him since earlier today. I stand up and look at him, for some reason I have gained a bit of confidence. "What?" He turns around, his face tired from the repeated angry words and lashing out. His eyes full of hope. "Why didn't you stay at the mansion? Or tell me, tell me you were worried?" I lean against the railing, needed something to hang on to. "I- I-" He seems absolutely floored that I spoke to him, he is speechless. "I was mad, I didn't know how to express myself. I was able to open up to myself, confess my real feelings. Now I know we'll be fine, because its moments like this that keep us going." He pauses, gauging my reaction, taking in my every movement. "Whatever happens it always comes back to we're going to be okay." He watches as I slowly tuck my hair behind my ears, "you really think we're going to be okay? After all this? After you slept at another women's hotel room? After I was so rough with our sons? You think we can make it work?" I need answers, my voice is forceful, full of anger and curiosity, yet love, love for this man who is standing in front of me, after numerous fights, attacks on one another, he manages to come back, he manages to hold me up. He hasn't run yet. Maybe it could work. "Maybe. Maybe it can work if we let it. If we stop trying to mend every broken parts of ourselves, if we just love each other for our beauties and our ugly marks. Maybe we can do it. Only time will tell." I nod my head, I know he's right, he knows he's right, all that's left to do is admit to each other that we really are okay, we not be perfect, but we will make it by. Some how, some way, we can do it. He slowly takes a step closer to me, holding out his hand, he opens it up and I see to rings sitting next to each other. My gaze goes up, we lock eyes, and I feel it all over again. The electricity that was there from the beginning. The sparks he thought we lost, but we didn't. We couldn't you can't loose love, not love like ours. I take the rings and put them on my finger. A small smile finds his lips, we really will be okay, even if we aren't we always have Bryce and Addison to keep us in line. "Come in side." He holds his hand out for me to take, I don't know if they want to see me though, he senses my fears. "You're their mother, no matter what. Through thick and thin. Bryce knows that, Addison will learn it. Bryce may not always like you, but he'll always love you. Right now he needs you more then you need him." I look down at the rings on my fingers once more, I realised that happiness isn't silver, gold or platinum. Its not what someone buys you, its what they think about when they buy you it. Carter felt love, unity, hope. He's right, together we can be one. I take his hand, looking up at his smiling face, we're going to be okay.  
  
*~REVIEW RESPONSES~*  
  
Maven- she did hit him, but not to the point that he would be taken away. Even if she had I don't know if anyone would have done anything, going into grocery stores and out in public I have seen some people treat their kids horribly and no one has done anything, its sad really. I agree though, abuse it bad and don't worry thats the last you'll see of it.  
  
MrsWyle- They talk a bit more in upcoming chapters, this was the brunt of the storm...  
  
Tilde8884- Don't worry all will end well in carby land... well it sort of will lol.  
  
Kaitlin- I don't know what happened on the show, he is trying to be a changed man, but hes really not. He's just acting cocky and stupid, I am really not enjoying his character, I did like the Carby moment in last weeks show, I thought it was really genuine.  
  
Kaitlin- haha thanks, don't worry we are taking it into consideration whether there will be a sequel or not, it all depends on the reaction to the final chapter. Haha twenty times huh? that would be CrAzY! 


	23. Chapter 98 hate

Authors Note- Another one, it is almost over.   
  
It's almost eight and she's not home yet. As soon as we barely started understanding each other, her pager went off. She needed to get back to work. I swear Kerry enjoys torturing people. But she did leave right in the middle of her shift for two hours. So she probably has to work off those two as well. I put my pen down and move away from the table. I was finishing up those billion charts. But its gotten a little too quiet for me. I walk back into the living room and look at Addi playing quietly with some blocks, and Bryce is fast asleep on the floor next to him. How I silently wish Addi would accidentally throw one at him. But Addi won't do that. He's smart. I really want to laugh. Bryce, who always complains about going to bed before ten thirty and getting up early in the morning is asleep at eight. I guess its been a long day. And he's gone through enough. I lean down picking Bryce up off the carpeted floor. He moans a bit from pain in his sleepy state, so I grab his neck and support it better. He'll be up later, so there is no point in moving him to his bedroom yet. I put him down on the sofa, which I managed to fix today, and cover him with a blanket. My attention goes back to Addi. He's still too wide awake for this hour of the night. I pick him up gently, and head into the bathroom. He needs a bath with that baby herbal aromatherapy soap. Most people would tell you it only works to relax the baby. This stuff knocks Addison out in a few minutes. I let the water run for a few moments while I undress Addi. I check the temperature and it's perfect. I smooth him into the water, and hold him up. I knew I wouldn't get out of this dry. The first thing his hands do is plop into the water and splash me. Oh well. I grab the sponge and soak it in the water, running it over Addison's delicate skin. He's started to calm down a bit. I lean his head back and run some water slowly over his head. He laughs when the water trickles down his face, its cute. I take a towel from the ledge, soak it under the faucet, and wash his face with light strokes. He's been throw and damaged enough today, the poor kid. I finish up his bath and let the water run out while I pull him into a big, warm towel. I dry him and he's getting ready to collapse, but I can't have that just yet. I pick him back up and take him into the bedroom, grabbing a diaper and some pyjamas. I put both on relatively quickly and he's in my arms once again. I walk back into the kitchen and grab the bottle that I had put in the warmer on my way to the bedroom. I pull it out, and check the liquid's state on my wrist. It's fine for Addi. I take him and the bottle into the living room, and position Addi so he can eat. I give Addi the bottle and he starts to eat.   
  
This is probably the first time I've sat down all day and not had to be thinking of what I'm doing. It's my moment I guess. Today has been absolutely crazy, from the fighting, to the hitting and slapping, all the way up to Bryce going out with my ex girlfriend. That kid has some nerve. Annette thought it was cute. It's just a crush. It'll pass. Eventually. Hopefully. And then there is Abby. Sometimes I've wanted to give up, because it gets to be too much. Like a tunnel with no way out. We keep on going and going in these repetative circles with no end in sight. I mean I love her. I wouldn't say I loved her the first time I met her because that would be lying. But we've come such a long way. It's not fair that we have to keep on working and trying at everything. When I was with Annette, I think we only had one minor fight. We didn't have to try so hard, it just played out. And with Abby and me, every conversation needs to be forced, every single word misinterpreted. And I've come to know its always going to be like that. Except for maybe when we're old and grey, and we're way too tired to do anything besides agree. But it's a permanent situation for us. There will be endless nights on the sofa, screaming, bickering, broken-hearts, and its how we have to play out. I mean it may not be the best for Bryce or Addison, or my two girls whom Abby still does not know she's going to have. But our children will always come first, even if we're fighting over them and it tears them apart. Its funny, I think anyone else would have been long gone. It's something about her that draws me to her. I'll never leave because I can't. I'm permanently infatuated with her. Every time I think I've got her all figured out, she shows me something knew. I doubt that I will ever see every side of her, even if we're together for fifty or sixty years. I see myself with her for that long. I'm not sure if the feelings mutual, but I hope it is. They say the course of true love never did run smoothly. It doesn't. And never will.   
  
I look back down at Addison and his eyes are closed. The bottle has been pushed out of his mouth and he's sucking on his tongue. That's going to be a real turn on when he's thirty. I start to stand up so I can walk with him. I take a few short treks around the condo before I look back at him. He's fast asleep. I go into their bedroom and put Addi in his crib. I cover him with a blanket, and kiss him on his forehead. He's perfect. Absolutely perfect. I shut the door halfway behind me, leaving it open in case he wakes up and cries. But he should sleep through the night, he always does when I'm home, which manages to anger Abby sometimes. I don't know what it is, but Addi and I already have a bond. I mean I'm the only one that can get him to sleep without a struggle, and he'll sleep through the night for me. He'll stop crying for me too. And lately, if I'm holding him, and he's not falling asleep, he will not let me put him down or give him to anyone. He'll latch on to my shirt with his tiny fingers, and there is no way he is going anywhere. I tread back to the living room and Bryce is sitting up, searching for the remote. I spot it on top of the TV, where is is supposed to be, and sit down next to him. He tries to grab it out of my hand, but I'm faster.   
  
"Dad..."  
  
I shake my head no, smiling at him. I'm tired, he just woke up. I deserve to choose what we're watching. But we're not watching anything. I press play on the CD player and Barber's Adiago for Strings comes on. He rolls his eyes at me, he would have rather listened to Ozzy Osborne or something of that sort. I lean my head against the pillow and look at him. He's not too happy, but probably too lazy to get up. It's almost ten past nine, and I'm going to be sending him off to bed soon anyway. I hear the key in the door, and it starts to turn open. Bryce suddenly jumps up, moving in closer to me. We haven't exactly talked much about what happened, we just did homework together and worked on a project for school. I put my arm protectively around him, I'm not worried that she will do anything, but I guess he still is. I hear her purse and keys get dropped on the floor and the sound of her feet against the wooden floor towards the living room. She looks at me, and I give her a small smile. She goes to sit down, putting Bryce almost on top of me. He finally decided to get up, off the couch.   
  
"I'm going to bed. Night dad."  
  
He walks off towards his bedroom, and I hear him shut the door. Thank god his door does not have a lock. I look at her and she's looking at me, tears coming down her cheeks. I pull her towards me, and her head rests in my lap. I graze her cheek with my fingers, wiping the tears away. I take her hand and hold it. She's curled up into a fetal position, her knees up to her chest.   
  
"Give him time. "  
  
She barely nods her head. I scoot out from under her, and kneel down, working my hands under her. I pull her head and chest towards me, my other arm going under her bent knees and picking her up. I bring her into the bedroom, shutting the door. The baby monitor is on, so if Addi cries, I can hear him. I put her down in bed, and crawl in on the other side of her. Her head instantly goes onto my chest, and I cradle her towards me. We're both exhausted, too exhausted to do anything besides lying here like vegetables. She grabs the remote from my table stand and turns on the TV. The Lion King is on one of the channels, and she leaves it on. We both have seen the movie before, and we're mentally fast forwarding it. Simba's finally growing up. It's cute. Something Addison's going to love. Speaking of Addison, I hear his quiet screams over the monitor and I get up, leaving Abby for a second. I grab a bottle of water from the counter. He's probably thirsty. I get him out of the crib and give him the bottle. He takes a few long drinks and then pushes it away. He leans into my shoulder, drool and all, and his breathing slows. I rock him for a while before placing him back into his crib. I shut the door and go back into the bedroom. One of the songs from the movie is on, the one by Elton John. How do I know who sings it, I don't know. It's a good song though. I walk over to her, and take her hand, pulling her off the bed.   
  
There's a time for everyone if they only learn That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours  
  
My hands are around her waist, her head leaning against my shoulder. We're swaying in a slight rhythm, the problems of the day in a far away distant land, not being able to touch us at all. It's just as, alone, on a deserted island far from Chicago, from Bryce or Addison, from work, from the world. It's just the two of us, our insecurities, doubts, fears prevailing in front of each other. But we're not scared. We don't have a reason to be. Perfection is highly overrated. But we're perfect in only one way, we fit the cliche "nothing is ever perfect" perfectly. Anyone else would have told me to give up, that she's not worth it. But every time I look at her, I can give myself another reason to stay. She's the mother of my children, she's my best friend, she's my confessor, she's the love of my life. Buildings may crumble, oceans dry, the world may begin to die, but I know my love for her will only grow stronger, deeper. She's gazing up at me, I give her a feather light kiss.   
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
What am I think about? Her. What else is there to think about? She controls my thoughts, helps me follow my dreams.   
  
"How badly we both need dance lessons."  
  
She starts to laugh a bit, and wraps her arms back against me. I rest my chin on her head, she's so short compared to everyone else. I know the song has ended a long time ago, but the moment's too special to let go of. We fight, a lot. But its moments like this that make up for it, that make me sure I'm doing the right thing. That I'm here because I want to be, because I love her. I do love her. It just scared me for a while to think about the future when we couldn't get through the present. Those cold feet, pre-wedding jitters. I finally managed to realize it. I love her, I'm just scared. So scared of loosing her, of something happening, of having unrequited love. Does she love me the same way? Sometimes I think she does, other times I swear she would be happier without me.   
  
I've also figured out that life is ours in vain, lacking love which never counts the loss or gain. Love is forever linked with pain. Love's permanent companion is sorrow. But we can't be brought down by it. Grief is never in vain. It's for our own completeness, if we want love to bring life sweetness, we've got to welcome too, its sorrow.  
  
I'd take an eternity of pain in exchange for just one moment of sweetness with her.   
  
~*REVIEW RESPONSES*~  
  
vkh214- lol um we have 107 chapters, so soon very soon. It will probably be over by the middle of next week, maybe even sooner like monday!  
  
Tilde8884- Heh, I am glad you enjoyed thta chapter, I have to say that was my fave on to write. All is well again, well for the most part.  
  
MrsWyle- haha  
  
vkh214- haha fuck, heh. That phase is gone now. Oh well lol. Maybe it'll come the fuck back!  
  
kate- haha-ooooooooooooo I get it, just cause you were talking bout leno, then cheating lol, and they talked about cheating on leno lol haha, sorry my bad. LOL! Um no carter didn't cheat on her! 


	24. Chapter 99 Bryce fight

Authors Note- Another one, it is almost over.   
  
"Hey, Addison went down fine." He crawls into bed kissing me gently on the lips, two days since our big blow out and we haven't had much of a fight since. I think the trick with us is every once in a while we have to have a HUGE fight, during a good patch in our relationship, to sort of even the playing field. I nod my head not really paying attention to him, I am trying to find a nice spot to have the wedding and I cannot find a single place in Chicago that appeals to me, I don't know why either. I don't want to have it in a church, considering neither of us are big church goers. I would rather have it somewhere nice, peaceful, beautiful. He rolls over onto his back and starts to read a book, he's obviously not very interested in where we should have this big party. "John?" He continues to reads, "John?" He slowly turns to face me, smiling slightly.  
  
"Yeah?" He asks, turning back to his book.  
  
"Where should we have this wedding?"  
  
"I don't know baby where ever you want it." He sighs flipping the page, why do men have to be so stupid? "Well I want to talk about it with you." I grab the book out of his hands and setting it down on my nightstand. "I'll just get in the way, talk about it tomorrow with Sam and Susan." He tries to reach over and grab the book from me, but I stop him by pushing him over onto his side. "Abby, seriously can't we talk about this another time?" He is tired an exasperated, I understand all this, but can he not spend ten minutes quickly discussing where he wants to get married. "John..." I scold, I hate when I have to use my mother voice on him. "Okay. I give up." He scoots over to my side of the bed picks me laying me on top of himself. "Go!" He says, signalling me to start talking about the wedding. "Well where do you want to have it?" I nestle my head against his chest, I don't understand how this could possibly be comfortable for him, its awkward position, none the less he continues to look through brochures. "I don't know. Remember we joked about having at a Martha's Vineyard?" I smile at memory, I loved being up there it was so beautiful. "Well lets have it there." He shrugs looking down at me, a smile playing across his lips. "Are you serious?" I roll over onto my stomach, he pushes the hair out of my face leans forward and gives me a soft kiss.   
  
"Yeah, if that's what you want... That's what you shall have." He has no idea how much this means to me, I would love to have my wedding there, its so beautiful. "I love you."   
  
"Yeah, you love me when you want to have our wedding at my child hood spot, but you don't love me any other time." He kids.  
  
"Aw, you know that's not true, I love you when you buy me things." He wraps his arms tighter around me, our eyes are locked, I love moments like this, when we are just staring into each others eyes, like looking into the depths of our souls. For one moment I can tell his every thought, movement, feeling, why he cries, why he laughs, everything. Its just for a moment, but we connect, we connect on levels that I never thought I could connect with anyone on. I guess the saying is true, eyes are the windows to a persons soul. I love this man more then any one I have ever known, I know right now that he is the love of my life, the father of my children and damn sexy on top of all this. He leans and kisses me slowly, passionately, I ease into the kiss my fingers running through his hair, his mouth opens further, this is going to be the best honey moon ever.   
  
"Dad." I open my eyes and see Bryce poking Carter,   
  
"Bryce what is it?" I roll over look at him, Carters arm is draped over my waist, we are naked, if Bryce knew this it would most likely traumatize him. "I am talking to Carter." He spits bitterly at me. "What do you need? Let him sleep!" I argue back, trying to be as quiet as possible. "FINE!" He shouts storming out of the room proceeding to slam the door on the way out. Carters eyes slowly open, he looks at me, "what's going on?" I shake my head, biting onto my bottom lip, trying to stop the tears from pouring down my face. "What's wrong?" He props himself up on his elbow, looking concerned.   
  
"Nothing." I wipe my eyes free of any leftover tears, as his hand grazes my cheek.   
  
"Come on baby tell me." He says kissing me on the forehead.  
  
"Nothing to tell John, just go back to sleep." I say rolling over, suddenly Addison's cries fill the apartment, "SEE THAT'S WHY I WANTED HIM!" Bryce shrieks, John suddenly understands what is going on and gets up to go solve the issue. Bryce is still quite upset with me over the smack in the head, he has every right to be. He is my son and I embarrassed him in public, in front of his new crush, Annette. This crush worries me a bit, Carter says its fine, he's eleven he's allowed to crush on older women, well there must be something about her if both men in my family have fallen for her, just wait till Addi is older, it will probably be worse. He will want her too, oh great now I'm thinking all these negative thoughts. I slowly get out of bed, Carter is sitting on the couch feeding Addison a bottle, Bryce isn't anywhere in sight. "Hey." I say curling up next to him.   
  
"Hi." He kisses me on the forehead, "Bryce is in his room."  
  
"What did you say to him?" I rest my head on his shoulder, his head rests against mine. While Addi diligently sucks on his bottle. "Nothing." I can tell he is lying, I roll my eyes at him. "I just told him that he could be mad at you, but he has no business treating you like that."   
  
"John-" I sigh.  
  
"I know you want to work this out on your own with him, but you can't let him get away with slamming doors and shouting at us at six in the morning, we would of eventually heard Addison, and there is nothing wrong with you feeding him." Carter reasons, I really didn't want Carter to get involved, but he has, and there is nothing I can do, but be a bit mad at him. I wish he would just respect my wishes from time to time instead of trying to be the superhero. He can't always save the day. "I will work it out with him, but I can't if you are always defending me, you are making me look like the weaker parent. Taking away my control." I sigh pushing my hair out of my face.  
  
"I'm not taking any control away from you Abby." He is getting agitated by this conversation and the fight between Bryce and I. He has to realise that my relationship with Bryce is more complex then his is. "You didn't say anything to Bryce so I had to okay? We can't let him get away with being a shit disturber."   
  
I move my head off his shoulder and head towards Bryce's bedroom. "He's my son too, I don't need your help all the time. I don't need you to save me from my own pre teen monster." I say a bit rudely, he will understand. I think.   
  
I open up Bryce's door, he is playing X BOX. "What do you want?" He say angrily.  
  
"For you to loose the attitude." He rolls his eyes at me and continues playing, I have something different in mind. I walk over to the game and switch it off. "MOM WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" He shouts at me.   
  
"Don't talk to me like that." I holler back, for so long I have been avoiding confrontation with Bryce, but lately I have learned sometimes confrontation can be the only way of solving things. "I can talk to you however I want." He mutters at me.  
  
"No you can't. You can't talk to me like that. And I can't talk to you like that either."   
  
"But you can hit me?" He fires back with rage, he has now gotten up off the bed and is standing in front of me. "I never should have hit you Bryce, not on the head, the arm, the leg. Anywhere."   
  
"The why did you." His voice has lowered a bit.  
  
"I don't know. I wasn't mad at you. Not at all. I was mad with John and I took it out on you. Something I never wanted to do." His face softens a bit, "I love you Bryce. You are my son, you and I have been through so much together, and we will always have our relationship. No one will stand in the way, you come first. I can't stand to wake up everyday and have you hate me." I cringe.   
  
"I don't hate you mom. I love you. I just get mad at you sometimes." He wraps his arms around my neck pulling me into the best hug I've had in months. I know I will always have my Bryce no matter. And for that I am grateful, I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I did it, and god I would do it again if it meant I could have every heartache, laugh, smile, fight, cry, with him over again. I love him more then he knows, he's my baby.   
  
~*REVIEW RESPONSES*~  
  
vkh214- lol um we have 107 chapters, so soon very soon. It will probably be over by the middle of next week, maybe even sooner like monday!  
  
Tilde8884- Heh, I am glad you enjoyed thta chapter, I have to say that was my fave on to write. All is well again, well for the most part.  
  
MrsWyle- haha  
  
vkh214- haha fuck, heh. That phase is gone now. Oh well lol. Maybe it'll come the fuck back!  
  
kate- haha-ooooooooooooo I get it, just cause you were talking bout leno, then cheating lol, and they talked about cheating on leno lol haha, sorry my bad. LOL! Um no carter didn't cheat on her!  
  
Kaitlin- don't worry we will take your birthday into consideratioin.   
  
Kaitlin- hehe, we all love sweet carter, cuz he is just so loveable!  
  
Kaitlin- ER was dear Abby, :'( I don't even know why I bothered to watch it............again!!!!  
  
hyperpiper91- hehe bert!  
  
hyperpiper91- you're lucky you got to go to florida!!! Addisas is the sneaker company lol! Sorry dude, I know you wanted a girl for these two loveish birds!  
  
smilez4eva- Lol, Carby will be coming up soon!  
  
janbry- yeah it has been a while since you reviewed :(....They really do need communication, that is what ripped them apart last season!!!!  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - haha I don't remember if Anette is gone for good... heh! I think its pretty happy time, there are a few angsty things, but those things are different then what everyone is use to...  
  
CamilaC(on holidays!)(- I hope you are havinga good time on holidays, and we look forward to your reviews. Don't worry after every tear comes a rainbow. heh. A quote I found soemwhere. This story is ending very soon. like 8 chapters left or something.  
  
Amanda- and loving it.lol!  
  
Amanda- lol... well she did think he boyfriend had an affair while she was taking care of his kids. I'd be pissed too lol!  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfa- awwwww thanks so much!!!! I hope there is going to be a sequel too, cause this story has been awesome to write. But I am not so sure the sequel will be as popular as this one, and we do have other stories that we are undergoing, together and sepretly, so we'll just have to see I guess...  
  
*~PREVIEW~*  
  
Well in that case, I've always wanted to make love under the stars. I feel her pulling my shirt over my head, we're a bit too excited for this. She needs this as much as I just realized I do too. I push her over, switching these positions. I'll be as gentle as she wants me to, but I doubt she wants that right now. Her hands are already at work. I feel like I'm in a different world. 


	25. Chapter 100 a romp in the grass

Authors Note- and we reached the 100 chapters mark:D!!! We did it, and we are proud of it!!!! Please read and review, thanks! And its all cause of you guys that we got this far!!!!!!!!! Also we have posted our other fic, its called bittersweet regrets, and its posted under AbbyLockhart2... so go take a look and tell us what u think!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks!  
  
~*~  
  
I place Addison down into his crib, he's almost ten and a half months old, and he's so big. I can barely carry him around the house anymore without my arms getting ready to fall off. He'll be walking soon. He crawls everywhere, we've had to block off every exit. He hasn't gotten hurt, but he definitely surprised both me and Abby one day. He's worse than Bryce because Bryce knows when not to come in, and we sort of learned to not shut doors when Bryce was at school. Not a good idea with this little one. At least we were under the covers. I shut the window to his room, it's not cold, just a bit breezy. I turn on the monitor, he's pretty good about sleeping through the night, but he stlil wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night screaming, and since Bryce has his own room, we've got to pay attention. I leave the door slightly ajar before making my way to Bryce's. I pop my head into his room, and it's a mess, as usual. That's the reason I suggested moving, sometimes I couldn't find Addison under all his mess. So we got a nice five bedroom house in the near suburbs, just close enough to make the commute to County. Of course only three of those bedroom are taken right now. One of the two is used as a playroom, and the other as mainly a storage room. That will change, she might not be too wild about the idea, but she wasn't too wild about Addison either, and look how everything turned out. I shut the door and head down the stairs, towards the patio. I saw Abby heading out there earlier. I walk out, and don't see her for a second, but I take another glace around, and she's leaning against the side, looking at the dark night sky, probably oblivious that I'm standing a few feet away. I walk up behind her silently, pulling the cigarette out of her fingers, putting it out.   
  
"One of my patients today died from Lung Cancer."  
  
I wait for her to say something but she doesn't. She keeps on looking out at the horizon. I get a bit closer to her and put my hands around her waist. She leans back against me, and I hold her stable. This is the first time I've actually seen her smoke. I know she does it from time to time, after a stressful shift, but she's never done it in front of me or the boys. And I know she hasn't done it in a while either. I kiss her on the cheek, and hold my head on her shoulder.   
  
"What's wrong, love?"  
  
She sighs deeply and shrugs her shoulders. She starts to undo my arms from around her, but she knows I'm not going to let her go. She turns around and we're facing each other. I take her hand and start down the stairs. We need to get away for a while, Bryce is home so he'll be okay with Addi. I start leading her towards the end of the yard. Our backyard is gigantic. One of the things I love. The houses are spaced out far enough that you can barely see the neighbours, which is perfect for privacy. We get to the huge weeping willow, and I take a seat on the swing that we put up. I pull her into my lap and turn her, so she's sitting and her head is leaning against my chest. I push off lightly with my feet and we sway a bit.   
  
"I love you."  
  
It's a barely audible whisper, said for no reason in particular, just because it felt right. I know she heard it because she holds on even tighter to me.   
  
"Did I do something wrong?"  
  
She looks up at me and shakes her head, then returns to her favourite place of rest. I don't know what to make of all this. She's been detached lately, like she has no enthusiasm. I don't know if its something that I've done, or the weather, or work, but I wish I could make it go away. I know the only thing that I can do is hold her, and try to be there for her. I hate moments when she's like this; when she thinks the world is against her and out to get her, to hurt her. I could try to explain it again, but it's like talking to a brick wall, and it doesn't help anyway. She needs to figure it out for herself, and I'm just going to stand by her, like I always do. And always will.   
  
She seems tired, but I know she's not. That's what anyone else would say. But I know her too well. She's pondering something, over and over. She wears herself out sometimes. I put my feet down, and start to get up, taking her with me. I carry her to the bench on the other side of the tree, looking out the little stream that runs in back. I pull a rose from the bush to my side, and give it to her. She laughs a little but the smile disappears quickly. I start to run my hand up and down her arm, I'm starting to be very concerned. It's not like her, at least I haven't seen this side of her.   
  
"Abby..."  
  
She's biting on her top lip, I can see she's trying to hold something back. That makes me pry even more.   
  
"It's just the wedding... It's less than a month away..."   
  
I've gone through every doubt in my mind, I've given myself every reason why I shouldn't marry her. And then all the reasons why I should marry her outweighed every reason why not to. I love her. It's as simple as that. I love and want to spend the rest of my life with her.   
  
"Scared?"  
  
She shakes her head no, letting out another little chuckle.   
  
"Petrified."  
  
I kiss her, slowly making the world disappear for a few seconds.   
  
"Me too."  
  
She finally smiles, a genuine, light smile. I don't know why I'm so terrified. It's a huge step, this is the one. Whatever happens, I refuse to turn into my parents, to simply give up and run some divorce papers. No. I"m in it for the worst and the best times. We've gotten here, and now the only thing killing us both is the thought of two rings and a few papers. Love isn't the wedding, or the flowers, the rings, the reception, it's all worthless. Love is what we've shared all along. We're already married, we've promised each other pure devotion. We've exchanged souls, and we'll never be the same people again. I pick up on some of her horrid habits, and she some of mine.   
  
"So how about we not do it?"  
  
She looks at me like I'm crazy.   
  
"I mean the way we've been planning."  
  
She shrugs her shoulders. We've gone through months of planning and preparation, of course we've still got a lot to go, but the majority of the ceremony has been planned out. I was actually going to start making reservations, picking out caterers, and getting the invitations printed up this weekend. But it all seems so superficial right now. I guess a huge wedding was a prerequisite, and now I don't see it as so important. As far as I can remember every Carter wedding has been like that. I want to stray out of the norm. I want to be different.   
  
"Let's just go, you and me. The boys."  
  
She's looking at me, scepticism written along her brow.   
  
"What about our families, our friends?"  
  
I look out at the moon's reflection on the still water.   
  
"It's not about them. It's about us. And only us."   
  
Isn't that part also superficial? I mean I love my friends, I don't know where I would be without them, but this is big. This is something no one will ever understand because it's got to be between us. No matter how much everyone can try, they will never understand what we feel towards each other. And if a simple ceremony, alone, together would make that bond all the stronger, I want it. Because we share something special that no one will ever take away, and it's ours. But whatever she wants, I will go along with. It's all up to her, I just want the day to be special for her, to make her happy, from the very beginning until the very end.   
  
"It's up to you. Anything you want, I'll do."  
  
She runs her hand along my cheek, and kisses me.   
  
"I know."  
  
A little seductive smile starts to form on her face.  
  
"Really?"  
  
She nods her head.   
  
"Especially when I'm on top of you."  
  
I roll my eyes at her. I need to stop her from doing that anymore. It goes to her head. I start to get up, giving her my hand which she grabs and stands up. I put my arm around her shoulders and I feel her hand go around my waist.   
  
"Come on, gorgeous. We've got two spare bedrooms to fill."  
  
I feel her slap against my sore butt. I stop for a second and pick her up, throwing her over my shoulder. Thank god she's as light as a feather. She starts to laugh and I lean down, threatening to drop her. She grabs a hold of my neck and digs her nails into my skin. I put her down gently on the grass in the middle of the yard and she pulls me down to the side next to her. We're breathing rather hard, and we stop to catch some air. She turns over to me and smiles. She begins to climb on top of me, I'm attempting to push her off, but she grabs my hand, guiding them under her tank top, to her delicate breasts. She starts to lean down, and her kisses start to get more passionate. I'm trying to get away from her for a second.   
  
"What if the neighbours see us?"  
  
She rolls her eyes, giving me another kiss.   
  
"It's pitch black, we are far enough away from the house, and the neighbours cannot see anything either."  
  
Well in that case, I've always wanted to make love under the stars. I feel her pulling my shirt over my head, we're a bit too excited for this. She needs this as much as I just realized I do too. I push her over, switching these positions. I'll be as gentle as she wants me to, but I doubt she wants that right now. Her hands are already at work. I feel like I'm in a different world. I push her tank top off, and start to suck. She's moaning, I feel her pleasure equally.   
  
"UGH! Come on you're in public!"  
  
I instantly drop my body on Abby's, covering the fact that she does not have a shirt on. Neither do I. We're in an awkward position, but it's dark enough, and I doubt Bryce can see where her hands are. They are still at work. And I'm trying not to make any noise that might give it away.   
  
"Bryce get your ass to bed, now!"  
  
She sounds a bit disappointed. He's squinting his eyes, his back to us.   
  
"Gladly. But your souvenir from your first fuck is crying and I can't get him to stop."  
  
She pulls her hands out and I hand her shirt to her. She starts to put it on, but I'm the first one to get up.   
  
"I'll take care of them. BOTH of them."  
  
She shakes her head, and I pull her up as soon as I'm stable on both my feet. It's been quite a night. We've got to figure out what to do with Bryce. He's been okay, but lately he's been acting up a bit, and I don't like his language either. I look at Abby questioningly.   
  
"Take Addi, I'll go talk to Bryce."  
  
I nod my head and follow her up the stairs. I wonder where tonight's conversations will take us, all of us. 


	26. Chapter 101 cruel and unusual punishment...

Authors Note- Hey, so this is a bit of a late update. I am sorry. I had an extremely busy last day and a half or so. I am making it up to you though, by posting a few chapters, heh!!! I was alsoi really hungry and tired while writing the review responses, so they might be short.   
  
Disclaimer- This is my disclaimer for the rest of the story, and anything htat should come before it. The characters are not mine, anything from the show is not either. Poems, Songs, anything like that, does not belong to us!   
  
"You are pissing me off lately." I say walking behind Bryce into his bedroom. He sighs, falling down onto the bed. "I'm pissing you off? You are the one who was fucking some guy, while your ten month old lay crying in the crib." He retorts rudely. Some guy? I think I'm catching onto this, his attitude has been rather rough lately, not to anyone in particular, but I have a feeling this could have a lot to do with the wedding. Why he is so upset about the wedding, I am not sure. He was pro marriage since the beginning, now he's behaving like this. "First off all, watch your mouth, second of all that's not some guy that's your father." I chide, he rolls his eyes at me, an act I have been seeing too much of lately. "Whatever." He picks up his game boy off the night stand and starts to play with it. I am not sure what to do to get through to him, he has to respect people, he has to respect his parents and lately I am seeing none of that. I walking over to game boy and pry it out of his tight grip. "Mom!" He whines standing up, his face full of rage, mine full of worry and anger. I am not so sure what to do or say to him to get him to open up to me, to tell me what's wrong. I guess he is like me in that sense. "You're grounded." I say it firmly, confidently so he doesn't know that I am breaking down inside from fear of loosing him, sometimes it seems so easy for Bryce to just slip away emotionally. "That's not fair." He stomps his feet angrily. "It is fair. You can not play on any of your games for a week. No watching television. No Ozzy Osbourne, cause god knows that's probably where you are getting your attitude from. No pixies. No nothing, you can sit at home and be a good little boy." I say, rubbing his arm, he shrugs my hand off looking at me with pure hate in his eyes. "I hate you, you know that? I hate you and I hate Carter. I hate both of you. You are both so fucking mean, and you only care about yourselves. He's probably using me to get close to you, he's a fucking-"  
  
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" I shout, I can't stand this anymore, where the hell is he getting this from? "No extra activities that we have enrolled you in. You will go to school, you will come home from school simple as that. You will do exactly what we tell you for the week. Right now you're playing Cinderella, go vacuum the carpet, NOW!" He looks at me like I am crazy, he has pushed his luck, he can not speak to me like that, he can not say those things. His language is completely out of hand. I have avoided having to ground him in the past, but I think its about bloody time he gets some punishments. He looks at me again scoffing. "I hate Addi too, only because he's Carters. Who I hated more then you until NOW!" He says emphasising on now. I debate grounding him more, or smacking him, but I know he only wants attention, I wait until he has left the room, holding in my tears and anger. He slams the bedroom door, I immediately open it and watch him pass Carter, who says hi politely while Bryce just ignores him. "Vacuums in the laundry room." I manage to holler at him without my voice breaking. Carter walks up to me, expecting me to fill him in on the recent happenings, but I don't. I do exactly what Bryce did too him, then walk into our bedroom.   
  
I don't know what the hell I am going to do with him, in the meantime I will stick the grounding I have. I can feel Carter enter the room I turn around and look at him. "What happened?" He moves closer to me wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me into a tight hug. "He is swearing, saying he hates us. You mainly." I sigh, resting my head against his chest. "Me?" He asks surprised. I nod my head, I don't even have to look at him to know how hurt he right now. "Its the wedding John, not you." I move away from him, he looks hurt, like someone just punched him in the stomach. I don't know what to do or say. "Maybe I should talk to him?" He manages to choke out. "No." I say firmly. "He's not getting away with being a shit. He can hate us all he wants, he is grounded." John collapses onto the bed, he looks distant. "Hey, don't worry this will all blow over." I kiss his forehead, he pushes me away. What is with these men today? I don't know what I am going to do, the only thing I can think of is talk to Bryce. Carter has to harden up with him. Bryce would work him if he went in there to talk to Bryce. He would guilt trip him, or kiss his ass. It's too risky of a situation. I walk to down the stairs of our beautiful house seeing Bryce vacuuming, he glares at me, then continues the vacuuming. "Bryce." I am standing a few feet away, but he continues to ignore me. "Bryce-" I say again with more force.  
  
"BRYCE!" I shout, I can hear the baby start to cry, great this is just what we need. I walk over to the vacuum cleaner and switch it off. "First you make me clean and now you stop me from cleaning?" He spits. I am at my wits end with this kid. Carter walks by us with Addi, "You need to apologize." I say firmly. He shakes his head and tries to start the vacuum cleaner up again. "Bryce." I scream. "What the hell is your problem tonight?"  
  
"I don't have a problem, you want me to me to apologize for having feelings." He tries to get the vacuum back from me, but I won't let go of it. "Those aren't your feelings, that is your bratty attitude coming out. And frankly I don't want to hear it." I place my hands on my hips for added 'mom sternness' effect.   
  
"Whatever." He moves towards me again, again I push him off.  
  
"What the hell is wrong Bryce?" I scream at him. "Nothing. Why does there always have to be something wrong? You are marrying some guy, you move me a billion times, you don't even ask me if I want any of this." He throws his hands in the air, so now the truth comes out. "Carter is not some guy Bryce." I say back, Carter walks by us and puts his hands on my arms, "Leave it alone Abby, if he wants to be this way he will." He says looking at Bryce, he obviously now knows that he is just trying to get attention, he should know by now that if he wants our attention he can just ask as for it. "Shut up." Bryce spits at Carter.  
  
"Excuse me?" Carter asks flabbergasted.  
  
"You heard me. This is none of your fucking business." He yells back, Carter walks over to the play pen and set Addison in it. I can tell this is not going to go very well. "Watch your mouth." Carter says calmly.  
  
"You can't tell me what to do. I can do whatever the hell I want. Your not my dad." "Bryce. Gets your ass in the chair." Carter says fuming.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Chair. Now." Carter says with more force.  
  
"No." Bryce seems a little bit afraid now.  
  
"GET YOUR ASS IN THE DAMN CHAIR NOW BRYCE!" He hollers, even I am a little taken aback by this sudden change in attitude. Bryce looks at me for answers. "You heard him, now Bryce." I say my eyes focused in on Bryce. Bryce walks by us, avoiding Carter and heading over to the kitchen table to sit down. "Put the chair in the corner." Carter says not moving a muscle, Bryce drags the chair into the corner and sulkily sits down. Carter grabs Addison and walks back up the stairs. I watch Bryce sit in the corner, his head down, he won't look at me. I decide to follow him upstairs.   
  
I find him lying in bed. "How long are you going to make him sit in the chair?" I look over at the alarm clock before crawling into bed. It reads 10:07, he is suppose to be in bed by now, he has school tomorrow. "All night." Carter rolls over onto his side. As much as I want to argue this, I don't. He could be onto something to here. Verbally reprimanding him seems to be wearing off. So maybe if we make him spend 8 hours sitting in a chair, and then make him go to school all day tomorrow he will watch how he speaks to us. Only one problem, how are we going to make sure he stays there? "Carter?" I call from my side of the bed. "Yeah." I can tell he is upset by having to do this, he is upset by Bryce's words. "How are you going to make sure he stays there?"  
  
"We have the security camera's that pick up on movement, so that is set. Then we have the dog that barks at anything." Carter tells me in monotone. We just got a new dog, Annie. Bryce wanted a dog, and it goes with our white picket fence. I watch as Carter lays there, I know he is not sleeping, I wish I could make all his troubles go away, but I can't. "Don't you think you should tell him he is going to be down there all night?"   
  
"No." Carter snaps. I realise this could be a good time to go to sleep, or pretend to sleep. Or just shut up altogether  
  
~*~  
  
I walk down the stairs, Addi in my arms, I look over to see a slouched over, sleeping Bryce. I can't help but laugh. I better wake him up, he has to be at school in a bit. "Bryce." I whisper, rubbing his back with my free hand, he moves a bit almost falling off of the chair, he wakes up looking at me. "Mom." He rubs his eyes.   
  
"Hey sweetie go get ready for school." I help him up.   
  
"Owe my back." He whines rubbing his aching back, I'm no longer the enemy, Carter is. This should be interesting. "I thought Carter was going to come down and wake me?" He has gone from calling him dad to Carter, this is definitely going to be an interesting week.   
  
"He thought it would be best if you learned your lesson by sleeping in the chair." Bryce rolls his eyes walking up stairs. I take Addison and put him in his chair, at least we don't have to worry about this for a while from him, he won't have a real opinion for at least six years, he'll just cry a lot. Carter and I are suppose to be getting married in a month's time, and despite what he says I like the friends and family idea of the wedding. I mean I don't want it huge, maybe fifty people? or less? thirty? We can talk about it later, right now I have to make breakfast, Carter works today and I work tonight. So Bryce and Carter will have to stay together tonight, I hope it ends up better then last night did. I grab the boxes of cereal and set them on the table pouring a bowl for Addison. Bryce walks down the stairs, he seems like he is quite stiff. "Agh." He says standing up at the table and pouring himself some coco puffs. "Don't you want to sit down?" I say looking up from bibbing Addi. "I am never sitting down again." He sighs. I can't help but laugh a bit at this. He starts to eat his cereal, just as John is tying his tie and walking into the kitchen, he kisses me on the cheek, while Bryce shoots him a dirty look. "Morning baby." He hugs me and then sits down at the table, he looks Bryce up and down noticing he is not sitting down. "Why aren't you sitting?" He says barley looking up from his paper.   
  
"I don't wanna." He says not looking at Carter. "Besides I spent all last night sitting down when some jerk made me sleep in a chair."   
  
"That jerk can make you sleep in the chair again so I'd watch it." Carter says back, his newspaper on the table. "I don't need this shit from you. I hope mom comes to her senses and doesn't marry you." He tosses his spoon in his cheerio's leaving the kitchen, but not before Carter can catch up to him and call him on his comments. "Why? Because I am punishing you for being a rude smart ass to your mother and I?" He turns around and looks Carter squarely in the eye. "No, because you use to be fun. Now your just a jerk who wants to get in my moms pants." I know what this is about, Bryce knows once we are married things will never go back to the way they were, it will never be just him and I again. "Yeah well its just you, Addison and me tonight." He hollers after him. I walk over to an upset Carter, realising that is at a complete loss for what to do. "Hey, he's just getting use to the wedding." I say rubbing his arm.   
  
"He hates me." He pushes by me and walks out the door. Good morning to you too baby.   
  
*~ReViEw ReSpOnSeS~*  
  
MrsWyle- I don't think we ever get tired of hearing the compliments, I don't. Bryce always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  
  
mandi- I am glad you enjoy the other fic. We wanted a change of pace. Something new and different, so we decided on that!   
  
ER-Carby-Luva- YES! Angst stories ROCK!!! But an angst story with no fuzz, not so much lol. We haven't discussed teh sequel issue in a while, we should though seeing as this ones ending soon.  
  
Kaitlin- I was hoping the first time I was watching dear abby I might be drunk, or I might have dreamt it. Not such luck:( Turns out carter really is that big of a coward:(! Ehhhh what can you do, Abby could kick his and Kems ass anyday lol. (I'm not bitter... really I'm not)  
  
Kaitlin- Thank you I am glad you enjoy the story:)  
  
smilez4eva- Sequel is still up in the air. Its not going to be like this fic though. I will reveal in the last chapter what I mean and what is going on. Bryce is a brat for the next little while, I guess all kids are from time to time.  
  
vkh214- hahaha yeah that was a nice line.   
  
Amanda- so many things all rolled into one lol  
  
Amanda- yeah, but these next few chapters aren't Bryce's best lol.  
  
Tilde8884- I'd be freak over getting married, I'd say no like the first seven times... ahhhh lol. Bryce and Abby did make up, this here is a whole new ballgame lol.  
  
smilez4eva- i know, i wish carter and abby would talk on the show.  
  
carbybubbles- thank you, I am glad you like the story:) Sequel, we are not so sure about.  
  
Caroline25 - haha the car heh. That would be weird though, lol, they'd just leave bryce to go screw in the car lol. I think they should stick to beds, but that would be boring lol.  
  
carbybubbles- I'm glad you like the story. You should read the first half, it clears alot of things up. It is a long read though lol.   
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- I am glad this is your favourite story!!!  
  
hyperpiper91- Sorry that florida wasn't that sunny dude. :( Maybe another time. Addison is a pretty cool kid.  
  
TooLazyToSignIn- I put a disclaimer at the top of this page. Are you happy? I am sorry, but get off your high horse and jump down here with the rest of us. I made a mistake okay? I did not know that there was a poem in hat chapter, because I did not write it and I am not familar withthe poem. So get of my back. if you want to be nicer about it thats one thing, it was a simple mistake, we all make them. Sometimes even more then once. If you want to critiqe our work thats one thing, people even do that in a nice way. If you are really that discouraged with it, STOP READING! Shit happens, you get over it, so move on.   
  
honeybear1- No they are engaged. It was just a tiff. lol. 


	27. Chapter 102 Painful fights

Authors Note- Hey everyone, this is the 102 chapter. Sadly this fic only goes till 107:( I will be posting a few more chapters today, for my lack of updates on other days. Like yesterday.   
  
I have had the absolute worst day. They say the way you start out your morning reflects the rest of the day, well my morning was horrible. I can't get Bryce out of my head. He's driving both of us insane. I turn my key into lock and open the door. The house is spotless, Abby probably went on one of her cleaning sprees again. I look down the hallway towards the kitchen and she's walking towards me now with Addi in her arms. I take Addi from her, and give her a kiss on the cheek.   
  
"I'm sorry for this morning."  
  
She shrugs her shoulders and puts her hands into her jean pockets.   
  
"We've all had our mornings."  
  
Addison's growing fussy in my arms, he wants to exploring, but I have no clue where he'll go. I seriously need a leash for this kid. I bounce him up and down a few times and he starts to laugh, which in turn makes Abby smile. She wipes his face with the towel she has in her hands and looks back up at me.   
  
"You gonna be okay tonight?"  
  
I nod my head. Addison's going to be asleep in a matter of minutes.  
  
"How is he acting?"  
  
I don't say Bryce because I think she will cringe at the thought. I don't know what to do. He's got to learn to respect people.   
  
"Worse than yesterday. I don't know what to do anymore."  
  
I push the few strands of loose hair away from her face, holding her gaze for a second.   
  
"Send him off to live with Richard."  
  
She starts to laugh a little.  
  
"Oh yeah, that would teach him some respect."  
  
I kiss her on the cheek, grabbing her hand for a second.   
  
"Don't worry, we'll work it out. Somehow."  
  
I hear a door slam upstairs, he was probably listening to us from the top of the stairs.   
  
"He's been like that all day?"  
  
She nods her head, she's miserable. He used to be respectful, but now he's just being a child about everything. I give Addi back to her for a second and I begin to head up the stairs. I cannot stand to see Abby like this, no matter who or what makes her that way. He can hate me, I've come to the conclusion I don't care right now. But he's going to be respectful to his mother, no matter what. I open the door to his room, he's lying in the dim light that goes through the shades.   
  
"Get the fuck away from me."  
  
His sudden burst of language keeps on throwing me back. I know Abby used the word a few times, as have I, but we never made it a normal vocabulary word around anyone but ourselves.   
  
"Get downstairs and apologize to your mother."  
  
He just ignores me, I see him throwing a ball up and catching it, lying on his back.   
  
"Bryce. Now."  
  
I've gone through enough screaming last night and this morning. Please I don't want to yell anymore. I don't' want to hurt you. Words sting more than actions ever can. He looks at me, but rolls his eyes, and goes back to his game of catch. I sigh. There is no getting through to this kid. Well maybe some reality will get to him.   
  
"Today I had a patient, a little girl. She was in the foster care system. Both her parents were alcoholics. Her father beat her mother into a coma, and the girl had permanent brain damage because her father threw a glass bottle at her head and it shattered her skull."   
  
He's stopped throwing the ball. I don't know if that's a good sign or a bad sign.   
  
"There are millions of kids that would give anything to be in your shoes. You have a safe, good home with two parents and a little brother that love you. Stop acting like a child. You're not one anymore. Grow up. Life only gets harder after this."  
  
He turns his back to me and starts to stare at his wall. I'm through for right now. I need to get Addi from Abby so she can go to work. Bryce and I have a nice long night together. I see Abby coming towards me, Addi drooling all over her. I take him away from her, and she stands with me looking at Bryce. She breaks away looking at me, tears evident in her eyes. I start to pull her out of the room.   
  
"He's acting just like Richard did when he wouldn't get his way. I'm serious about your idea of sending him there for a week."  
  
I take her into Addi's playroom so I can put him down for a minute, my arms are getting ready to fall off. I swear he gains ten pounds a day.   
  
"No, he'll just think we're giving him up, bouncing him from home to home."  
  
She runs her hand through her hair, then she pulls me in and I hold her. My arms go over her shoulder, our usual formation. It's like we were made just to be molded together. I want to promise her that everything will be okay and he will go back to the same kid he was before, but I can't make that promise and it hurts me that I can't. It hurts me that my son hates me, that he's hurting his mother so much. Which is actually the opposite of what happened to me. Fine, he wants something more pertinent. I should tell him about how my parents forgot about me when they left on their trips, I was alone for 2 whole days before Gamma realized that I was still at the house. Or how my father forced my maid to have sex with me. That would really throw him through a loop. I don't understand this kid. What does he want out of life? He's been offered everything that I can think of, including boundless love by his mother and me. What I wouldn't have done to at least be recognized by my mother once in a while, or to recieve a good scolding from my father. It's the little things that you remember when you get older. The things you never appreciated.   
  
I sigh loudly, Addi's crying for attention. He's another spoiled little one. I pick him up and kiss him. I promise to sheild you from all the evils of the world as long as I am able to. I kiss Abby and she lets go of my hands.   
  
"Call me if anything happens."  
  
I follow her out of the room and down the stairs to the door. I take my keys and give them to her, she gives Addi one last kiss and gives me a peck on the cheek as well. I shut the door behind her, and go into the kitchen. The dishes need to be washed and put away. I put Addi in the playpen in the kitchen and walk upstairs to get Bryce. He's doing extra chores, from what Abby told me. I open his door.   
  
"Bryce, dishes."  
  
He kicks off the wall and rolls off the bed, starting to stand up. I leave the door open, and I can hear his stomping feet behind me. I take Addi from the kitchen and go into the living room, collapsing on the couch. Addi lies down on my stomach and gets very comfortable. I hear the slamming of the dishes in the kitchen. If I had enough energy to go yell at him, I would, but I don't. So I guess he lucks out for the moment. I look back at Addi and run my hand up and down his back, it lulles him into sleep. I'm ready to fall asleep as well. But of course I'm afraid to because Bryce might be a pyromaniac at heart and set the house on fire while we are both asleep.   
  
After a good half hour, I decide it's safe to try to put Addison into bed. I gently roll him and pick him up. I get started up the stairs and lay him down, shutting the door as I leave. I turn the corner into Bryce's room, he's sitting in the dark.   
  
"Bryce, come downstairs."  
  
I hear him mumble something under his breathe, but he starts to get up. I go downstairs and sit down on a chair in the kitchen. I see him come towards me, hate evident in his eyes. I push a chair out for him, but he refuses. I guess he's still a little sore. Serves him right. He should have just been whacked hard across his ass a few times and maybe he'd be careful about what he says. .   
  
"How long are you going to keep this attitude up for?"  
  
He rolls his eyes at me.   
  
"Bryce, damn it, how long are you going to keep this up for?"  
  
I'm sick of it. I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to deal with all of this. I've not had a good day, I'm tired, groggy, and grouchy. He's seriously in for it if he doesn't stop within the next millisecond.   
  
"Where do you think this is going to get you? Absolutely nowhere. And you know that. So stop it. I'm sick of it. Your mother is sick of it."  
  
He looks away, I can see something's starting to give, his jaw is clenched, but he's starting to crack. At least he's starting to crack.   
  
"If your so fucking sick of me, just get rid of me."  
  
He turns around and starts to run towards the stairs.   
  
"Bryce, get back here."  
  
I know he's standing in the hallway near the stairs. I'm just not planning to get up and follow him.   
  
"Get back here."  
  
He makes his way leaning against the wall. He's got a look of scorn on his face, and I only know how to make it worse.   
  
"What the hell do you want from me?"  
  
I look at him, giving him a glare that could have killed. He knows I mean business.   
  
"Watch your language, watch your attitude. I have no problems sending you off to Africa to help the less-fortunate."  
  
He imitates me, and I am about ready to throw something at him.   
  
"It'd be better than this hell-hole."  
  
I let out a sigh. I need to control myself. I've got a little temper, I know that much.   
  
"You think this is a hell-hole? Really? Well guess what, IT'S NOT! You've got it perfect, I don't understand what the fuck you want?... You wanna know a real hell? Your mother got chased around with a butcher knife by Maggie when she was nine years old. She spent the night in the damn closet praying for her life! She raised herself and Erik. I don't give a damn if you hate me or not, but your mother has been through enough, give her some damn peace. She needs to be happy, and if you don't like it, tough, SACRIFICE! That's what your mother has done for you. That's what we've both done for you. Because we love you."   
  
He's staring out at the wall in front of him, I don't know how excited Abby is going to be about that information being given to her son, but I need some way to get through to him and the conventional methods don't work. I don't know if this is working either, but the look from his face is gone, it's just blank.   
  
"I'm sick of it too. I'm trying to give you everything I never got from my parents. You think just because I'm rich I had a model childhood? My parents forgot about me after my brother died. Do you think I saw them more than once a year? That was if they bothered to show up for Christmas and stay 2 hours. God... if you only knew the hell I went through. But you... You've been giving every fucking opportunity on a golden platter and this is how you act? I don't know what else to tell you. If you want, go run away, go live with Richard, I don't give a damn anymore. I want my old Bryce back."  
  
He turns away from me, but I see I got through to him somehow, finally. He makes his way up the stairs, but I hear him starting to sob. I would go after him, but right now I"m just too pissed off at him to follow him and try to play supportive father. I can't be supportive of this attitude or behaviour. He's either going to fix it, or he's going to learn how to deal with tough love. Or how to cook and clean at Richards. I don't know what else to do. Is there an easy way out?   
  
*~REVIEW RESPONSES~*  
  
smilez4eva- Aw, Bryce is just going through soem stuff, its kinda tough on him right now.  
  
Amanda- Thank you very much:)  
  
TooLazyToSignIn- Cheese.  
  
Caroline25- Thank you!!! I know, angst was fuc, Bryce angst is a lot of fun hehe.  
  
MrsWyle- awww No, no shooting Bryce lol. He's just being a kid, being a brat too. 


	28. Chapter 103 Still a child

Authors Note- Hey, I just wanted to remind everyone that we have the other fic, bittersweet regrets up. So you could go check it out. I think we have two chapters posted.We are not sure about the sequel, we are still contemplating. We will see how everyone likes the last chapter.   
  
It's been a hard week and a half, I am not sure what I will be coming home too, and that frightens me. Bryce couldn't have gone the whole night with out putting up a fight about something or other, Carter didn't look in the mood to take any shit from him. It should be interesting to find out how everything went. I open the door to the house, its quiet. Dead silent. My eyes immediately go to the clock on the wall, 7:04, they should be up by now. Deciding that I should go investigate the situation instead of worrying, I head for our stairs, the dog spots me and runs up after me getting in my way the whole time. "Annie." I hiss, she doesn't stop, I really didn't want a dog that much, it was Carter and Bryce's idea. Bryce's door is closed, and so is mine, Addi's door is open, I creep over and notice he is not in his crib, Carter probably took him out and has him in our room, I can hear laughing from my room, its definitely Addi. Opening the door I see Carter lying down with Addi on his chest. "Hey." I smile, Carter looks over at me also smiling.   
  
"Hey baby." I walk over to the bed and sit running my fingers through Carters hair.   
  
"Where's Bryce?" I ask curiously, Carter continues playing with Addi, now I know something happened last night. "Uh- I don't know. In his room I guess I haven't seen him since last night." This shocks me, he has to wake Bryce up to go to school.  
  
"You didn't wake him?" I ask a little ticked, at his neglecting to tell me the whole story.   
  
"I called for him, but he never got up." He shrugs, I get up off the bed heading straight for Bryce's bedroom.   
  
As I open the door I notice how dark it is, the blinds are shut tightly, its very hot and stuffy in here. I walk over to the window opening the blinds and the window a crack to get some fresh air in. "Ugh." I look over at a movie Bryce, he moves a bit, I tip toe over to the bed, avoiding all the stuff cluttering the floor. "Bryce sweetie." I say gently sitting down on the bed. "Mom?" He turns his head to look at me.  
  
"Hey, its time for school." I run my fingers through his hair, "Carter works today at eleven, so I want to get some sleep before I have to spend the whole day with Addi." I sigh, watching Bryce squint from the light. "I don't feel good." He whines, I move my hand up to feel his forehead, he doesn't have a fever. "You feel fine to me." I conclude.   
  
"I don't want to go to school." I brush strands of hair to the side of his head, it is quite dark in here, no wonder he is not waking up. "Why not?"   
  
"Cause." He whines, this does not make sense. If Carter is going to be in the house for an hour even I would think that Bryce would do anything to get away from him. "Listen Bryce you have to go to school." I say firmly walking over to turn the light on. I look at him and see a big black bruise on his face. He has a black eye. "BRYCE!" I look at him, he blushes slightly. "What happened?" I run over to his bed side, running fingers along the big mark, he flinches at my touch, pushing my hands away. "Nothing." He grumbles, I have no clue how this happened, and I don't want to think Carter did this because he is just not that kind of guy. I mean you read about things like this in the media, where a women marries a man and she thinks he's great, but then she finds out that he really hits or molests her child. "Bryce." I prompt again. "Tell me what happened." He shakes his head at me nervously, I could see how he might be frightened to tell me if it was Carter. "Did Jo-" I can't even say it. Just the thought makes me sick, he watches as I try to get the words out. "Did Car-" I go for his last name this time still unable to say it, its just to hard to fathom. I have two children with this man, its just in comprehendible. Bryce slowly sits up, the mark is huge, obviously there was nothing put on it to stop the swelling, which makes me think Carter did not do this, because if he had, which he wouldn't, he would have made Bryce put something on it. "Bryce I want you to tell me right now what happened." I say forcefully.  
  
"What happened with what?" John walks in getting a look at Bryce's badly bruised eye. "Holy shit." He rushes over to his eye trying to get a better look at it. "Bryce what happened?" He presses, Bryce's eyes cloud over and tears come streaming down his face, he buries his head in my shoulder, holding onto me for dear life. His sobs fill the room, Carter reaches up and rubs his shaking back. "I- was so mad at Carter, that I went to the basement-" He stops half way through the sentence gathering his composure. Carter looks at me inquisitively, I just look back at him not knowing where this going either. "I went to Carter's exercise equipment. You know the thing that hangs from the ceiling, not the punching bag but the other thing. The small hard ball thing." Carter nods, not trying to correct him. Bryce pulls back from grip intending to finish the story with a little more dignity then he started it. "I got a chair, cause I am too small to reach it and started punching it, and it flung back and his me in the eye." I have to do everything I can to keep myself from bursting out in to laughter, I can tell Carter is having the same battle with in himself. "Oh." Was all I can manage to say.  
  
"I knew you would laugh." He says, the tears pouring down his cheeks, he falls into the pillow face first. "Bryce." Carter says standing over him, he leans down picking his crying body up off the bed, he sets him on the floor, steadying him before beginning his speech. "Let me see that eye." Bryce tries to push his hands off of him, unsuccessfully of course. "Bryce stop it." I sigh, grabbing a hold of his hands.   
  
"Bryce, its going to be fine, we are just going to have to put something on it." carter sighs, "Have you learned your lesson?"  
  
"What lesson?" Bryce spits back. Carter sigh's defeated. I guess not.   
  
"Never mind. Your mother and I can't put up with this anymore. You have a bad attitude for no reason, I thought I got through to you last night, but I guess there is no getting through to you." He stands up, and I take this as my cue to follow him, how did he get through to him?   
  
Just as we get to Bryce's door way he calls us back. "You did. That's why I push the hanging thing." Bryce surrenders. We turn towards him, he doesn't move though. "I'm sorry. I just don't want things to change." I can tell he is going to start crying again.   
  
"What do you mean change?" I look at him, unsure of what kind of change.  
  
"Its just if you and Carter marry- things will never-" He stops himself, watching Carter, I expect him to be hurt but he isn't. He understands. "I know sweetie." I walk towards him, taking his hands in mine. "I'm scared too. I am scared that things are forever changed. It will never be you and I again, but we will still be mother and son, and I still love you more then anything." Bryce nods, tears filling his eyes.   
  
"I love you mom." He wraps his arms around my neck. I look up at him, and he knows what he has to do, he walks away from me, looking at Carter, who smiles and takes him into his arms. He lifts him up into a big bear hug. "I love you." Carter says kissing his cheek, "but next time you are upset about something. Or something's bothering you, just tell us okay?" Bryce nods, and smiles.   
  
"I love you too...Dad." Carter smiles, then hikes Bryce over his shoulder. "Where are we going?" Bryce asks through bouts of laughter. "To check out that eye. It'll be a hit with the ladies." Bryce laughs, wrapping his arms around Carters neck. "Maybe Dylan will like it?" Carter adds.  
  
"Dylan? Dylan and I broke up a little while ago." Bryce says with a 'that's so last week.' look on his face. "Broke up?" I ask walking after them, and stopping into Addison's room to make sure the baby monitor is on so we can hear when he cries. "Yes. I decided, she wasn't right for me. Plus her parents hate me." I am quite relieved that my son doesn't have a girlfriend right now. I am even more relieved that somehow Carter got through to Bryce, because the wedding is soon and I wouldn't want to marry under those circumstances. I am happier now that my son is happier, my happiness has relied on his happiness since the day he was born, with some exceptions. 


	29. Chapter 104 one last night

Authors Note- Chapter 104, we are close to the end. So very close. For anyone who hasn't already, we have posted the second chapter to our other joint fic, 'bittersweet regrets.' So go check that out if you haven't. Its deffintely a change of pace for us, well me lol, one of my first fics without kids:S... Lol oh and go check out Winding roads broken by lies, written by my co-author Sylvia who is an amazing author. So go read it. You won't regret it. Trust. Anways, enough with the fic pimpin' here is the next chapter. Oh and thank you to everytone who has reviewed. Camila, your reviews are responded to in the next chapter.  
  
I hand Addi's bags along with Addi to Luka, who offered to watch him for the weekend. I have no clue how many times I have said thank you to him, but I'm glad Addi's off our hands for the wedding. I love him to death, but thinking of having to watch him for the whole time makes me want to go insane. I would give him to my parents, but I don't trust them with a plastic baby, much less a real one. And Abby is scared to let Addi get near Maggie or Eric. So Luka it is. He's great with Addi, and I know Addi likes him. I don't feel so bad. Bryce, on the other hand, is with my father. I trust my father with Bryce because Bryce can actually think for himself. I just hope he manages to get himself ready for the wedding tomorrow, he is my best man after all. I thought it would mean alot to him, and it means alot to me too. We've all got to be a part of this, and especially Bryce. He's still acted once in a while, but it's our own faults since we've been so obsessed with work, Addi, and the planning, we forget that he's still growing and still needs us. I grab two bottles of water from the kitchen and head to the beach.. Abby and I are staying in the house, while everyone else is staying at the hotel a few miles away. I cannot believe tomorrow is the day. Time has absolutely flown by. I put the bottles on the wooden stairs and head to her side by the water. It's unusually warm for that time of the year, and she's standing in it, ankle deep. I put my arms around her tiny waist and she leans into me, smiling. We're both looking out at the sun setting on the horizon. It's absolutely amazing.   
  
"Come on, let's take a walk."  
  
She sighs, I know she's tired out. She's been running around doing everything today.  
  
"I'll carry you, piggyback?"  
  
She starts to laugh, and spins around, pushing me.  
  
"If you promise not to drop me."  
  
I feel her jump on, she's so light, I could carry her forever.   
  
"I promise."  
  
She puts her head onto my shoulder and I just walk, carrying her for a good hour. We don't need to talk, we've talked enough, we just need to feel each other's presence. We get back to the house, the sun has long since set. I sit down on the blanket that we left out earlier and pull her into my lap. I take a match, lighting the fire a few feet away. We've done this last night, too, with Bryce. The bonfire was his idea, I just went along with it. I kiss Abby on the forehead, and she looks back up at me.   
  
"Tomorrow."  
  
I smile, biting my lip a little. Tomorrow is the day that our lives change forever, for the better.   
  
"Any regrets?"  
  
She shakes her head quickly, and I wrap my arms around her.   
  
"Me, either."  
  
I lay my body down, pulling her with me, she's lying on my side and I'm protectively covering her.   
  
"Any last thoughts?"  
  
She starts to laugh.  
  
"Why your not out having the time of your life?"  
  
I roll my eyes at her.   
  
"Because the only place I want to be is right next to you."  
  
She leans up, giving me a kiss. I can feel it growing stronger, more passionate. She pulls away.   
  
"Abstinence, remember?"  
  
Whose great idea was that? Because I really know it wasn't mine. One whole month of no sex. Especially when we've both been in the mood more than once. I guess it was to prove to ourselves that we could do it, that we didn't need sex. And we've made it. It has only strengthened us. But tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be absolutely perfect. I know it is. I'm marrying the woman I love more than life itself. I wouldn't be able to explain everything I"ve feeling even if I tired.   
  
" I love you, you know that?"  
  
She nods her head, starting to get up.   
  
"Yeah, I know. I feel the same."  
  
So maybe there is one person that understands what I'm going through. She helps me up and I hold her for a second. This is the woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. I've never been so sure of anything. She has problems, something that draws me to her even more. She's not perfect, but no one is. She's so real, true to herself. I don't care what my family says, how much they might disapprove. She is the most gorgeous, intelligent, wonderful woman in the world, and no one will ever compare to her in my heart. She's the one thing that controls my heart. I stop breathing when I even think of not having her with me when I wake up in the morning and I lay down to sleep at night. Every time I see her, my heart beats faster and faster, her smile makes my worries disappear. I'm in love. I could touch the moonlight, I feel like I"m holding heaven in my arms. I am. Like I'm walking on air and dreaming at the same time. I never thought a person could have so much control over me. Love can make you hear a symphony. But like a drug that makes you blind, it can fool you every time. The trouble with love is it can tear you up inside. Make your heart believe a lie. It doesn't care how fast you fall, and you can't refuse the call. You've got no say at all. I've lost control over my heart. Not that I wanted it. It's taken me down the right path.   
  
I wonder how I ever made it through a day, settling for a world in shades of grey. Then I looked into her eyes and the road stretched out In front of me. I knew what I wanted, were I was going. I knew it all. Like a miracle, a dream. I realized I never lived before her love. I never felt before her touch. I never needed anyone to make me feel alive, but then again I wasn't really living before her. She's the sunshine in my morning, and the moon to light up my nights. She's everything to me. My whole world and everything in it. Completely and utter control over who I am and what I'll be. I wouldn't want it any other way. From tomorrow on, it's not going to be any other way. I'm not terrified or worried. I'm finally completely and truly happy. I never thought it was possible. But it is.   
  
~*REVIEW RESPONSES*~  
  
AngelicDevil1- Thank you, but happiness can't last forever, heh. Or can it?  
  
carbybubbles- hehe, well bryce is okay now, errr sorta lol.  
  
Kaitlin- awww thank you, Bryce is awesome, I really like that kid. LOL. He's so fun to write for.   
  
Kaitlin- I know it is sad and weird for us that this fic is over. We really enjoyed writing it. but we want to try new things, flex our writing muscles a bit more lol.  
  
Kaitlin- I guess I don't hide my bitterness that well huh? Lol. You are so freaking lucky. All I get is the Thursday episodes :(  
  
ER-Carby-Luva- Thank you. Well it is only realistic that Bryce might have some upset feelings. I am glad that we protrayed it well:) Bryce was being a bit of a twit though bwhaha.  
  
Tilde8884- Haha I was laughing while I was writing it. It was funny lol. I'm glad someone else thought so too lol. I know, everyones upset about that. I hope the final chapter lives up to everyones expectations.  
  
hyperpiper91- haha Bryce is a nut. He is so freaking funny. Gotta love that kid. Addi is not so bad.  
  
kate- yeah, we just added our own little twist lol. Or Carter was just added that to make Bryce feel worse lol.Either way 11 and 25 :S erm that is a little....  
  
smilez4eva- Yep, their friends will be in the picture. Next chapter especially.  
  
smilez4eva- Thank you very much. We needed to bring up the childhoods, they do shape who you become. So it was only a matter of time I guess.  
  
carbylobsterandavrilfan- the wedding, hehe has an intresting start, lol well not really start lol. You'll just have to read the next chapter and find out.  
  
MrsWyle- hehe that musta hurt though, and he didnt even put ice on it.  
  
~*PREVIEW*~  
  
tight hug. "You better watch out I could steal the attention away from you." He cracks.   
  
I brush my hand against his cheek, "are you nervous?" He asks looking at me. "Cause if you are, you shouldn't be. Dad and you, you are just so great together. Its like, I don't know when I see you two together, I know that I don't have to worry about you guys getting a divorce, because you are just so happy together." 


	30. Chapter 105 let down

The sun in my eyes wakes me up. I look around, I swear I was out in the living room last night. Carter must have moved me in here when he left last night. Well sort of left. He is sleeping a cabin on the property, the whole not seeing the bride before the wedding comes into play here. We have even made a vow of abstinence before the wedding, I guess its to make that night even more special. I drag myself out of bed, butterflies filling my stomach, I am suppose to meet Sam and Susan in about forty minutes to get ready, we have a make up artist coming, I am so excited, I walk out of the bedroom into the kitchen, putting a pot of coffee on, I really need caffeine right now. I sit down at the table picking up the paper, attempting to read it, but I can't my mind keeps wandering, I can't stop thinking about the wedding, and our life together. How we have been through so much, but still managed to make it by. We have so much love between the two of us, for each other, for our kids, for the kids we are going to have, the ones I know he dreams of every night. Although he's never openly said he wants more kids, watching him with Addi and Bryce is enough for me too know that he loves being a father. Our kids are so lucky, they have so much love, I mean, sometimes it may not seem as though our relationship is for the best, but it is. The fighting, the mean words we exchange, I wonder sometimes, I wonder if it is worth all the pain we cause the kids, but at the end of the day when its him and I. When we are with the kids, when it is just us, our little family. I know its right. Nothing has ever felt more right in my life.   
  
"Mom!" I get up from my table, leaving my thoughts to linger in the air, walking towards the day, I start to realise how final this is. "Hey mom." He walks into the house smiling widely. "Carter said to come say hi." He leans in for a hug, I hold my son tightly. He's right things will never go back to the way they were. It will never be Bryce and I again. I love Addison, its so great having him, he has made me so happy. It just seems so different now, its funny how your life can change in a year and a half. How one day things could seem so hopeless, then next, hope filled. Bryce was the one who did that to me, he made me happy. He was my happiness. Although some days I wanted to smack him upside the head, for the most part he was all the love I needed, all the love I thought I would ever need. Now there are two new people in my life. Two new loves, how ever hard I try to push John away he will always be there, and trust me I've tried. Addison on the other hand I would never want to leave me, he is my son. A whole new ballgame. I love them both so much, they bring my happiness, complete happiness. Along with Bryce I have everything I could ever wanted out of life. "I'm glad you did, I missed you." I say pulling him in for another hug.   
  
"I missed you too." He has a huge smile on his face, he has grown so much over the last year or so, not only physically, but emotionally. He handles situations better, although I thought a month and a half ago boot camp was the answer to all our problems. Now I know that even though he is growing and changing, he still needs his mommy and daddy. Addison isn't the only one who needs us, but Bryce needs us in a different way, a way that I have not experienced before with Bryce, but I know that we will get through it. "Guess what?" He walks over to the couch taking a seat.   
  
"What?" I sit down next to him, a smile on my face.  
  
"I met a girl." Oh god, I thought Dylan was the last one.   
  
"Yeah, she lives around here." Thank god, I sigh a small sigh of relief. "She is great. I met her yesterday on the beach. She so great mom. You'd love her." He is beaming.  
  
"Really? I thought you were going to take a break after Dylan?"   
  
"Well, I did, but I'm almost twelve and I think its time I start settling down."  
  
"You do, do you?"   
  
"Yes. Her name is Chloe, can I bring her to the wedding. Alex is bringing someone!!" He whines. "Whatever makes you happy." I sigh standing up to grab my coffee.  
  
"She does." I swear he's going to end up married by twenty, or younger. "But you know, I am not ready for a family yet or anything."  
  
"Well, as long as you're taking things slow."  
  
"Don't worry mom, protections always on my mind."  
  
I take a sip of my coffee, "better be." He smiles, standing up, then walking over to me giving me another hug and kiss. "Gotta go mom, I'll see you later." Well now that my son's not trying to get anyone pregnant I can get ready for my wedding in peace.   
  
I start to walk to the table to finish my paper when the phone rings, no one wants to leave me alone do they? "Hello?"   
  
"Hey you"  
  
"Hey John." I can tell he's smiling.  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"Good. Bryce just ask if he could bring his most recent girlfriend to the wedding."  
  
"Yeah he told me." I can't stop smiling, I am so excited, I know we have been living for a while now, but this just makes everything so much better. It feels right. I am such a cliche today, and for once it doesn't bother me. Because everything is perfect, nothing could go wrong. Everything that could have gone wrong already has. "What's up?"   
  
"Nothing, I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice."   
  
"You guys are disgusting. After you're married its just going to go back to all the shit it was before, can the crap and lets get this wedding over with." I hear Bryce say in his regular joking voice. I roll my eyes, "Shut up kid." Carter calls to him.  
  
"I've got to go, Sam and Susan are here." I wave them in, they walk over to the coffee machine, its an early morning for everyone. "Okay, love you baby."  
  
"Love you too." I hang up the phone, looking over to the table, as Sam and Susan pretend to gag themselves with their fingers in disgust. "Shut up."   
  
"Are we ready to get this show on the road?" Sam says sipping her coffee.  
  
"I don't know about you, but I think I am going to be sick." I say sitting down at the table. "Nervous about the wedding?" Susan asks wrinkling her nose.  
  
"No... I just got a sudden wave of nausea." I bring my hand to my stomach, hoping to settle my crazy stomach, I can't seem to hold it down anymore, I run over to the washroom and vomit up the contents my stomach previously held. I can feel there presence at the door of the bathroom. "You okay?" Susan calls through the door.  
  
"Ugh- I think so. I don't know what came over me."   
  
"You are probably nervous." Sam answers, she's probably right, I am dizzy too now, but despite my dizziness and the nausea the show must go on.   
  
"You usually puke when you're nervous?" Sam says as I leave the washroom.  
  
"Never have before. But there is a first time for everything right?" I sigh pushing my hair out of my face. "Or you could be pregnant?" Susan smiles while she says this.   
  
"NO!" I say throwing my hands out. "I just had Addison, eleven and a half months ago. There is no way we are pregnant again, besides we haven't had sex in a month." I know while I am saying this I am trying to convince myself, although I am not sure how bad another baby would be. It would probably drive Bryce bonkers, but he loves being a big brother so he could deal. "Only one way to know." Sam says in a sing song voice. "Let's go pick up one of those at home pregnancy test. The stores only ten minutes away." She reasons. Hey, what harm could it do? We all giddily run for Carter's rented car, I hope the drivers side, Susan in the passengers, and Sam in the backseat. "So what are you going to do if you really are pregnant? Are you going to tell him today?" Sam pushes excitedly.  
  
"I think we've both will have had enough excitement for today, but I guess I'll just have to see if I am." Now that having a baby is a possibility, I can't stop thinking about it, on a day when I should be thinking about my husband to be, and all the happiness I can't stop thinking about a baby, that may not even be in me.   
  
I turn into the parking lot of the small store, we hop out of the car and into the small store, we are giggling like school girls, all of us excited for the wedding, and the possibility of a baby. Sam grabs the test, while Susan and I head over to grab some chips, what? we're hungry, getting fat is a prerequisite for marriage, well maybe not for the women, but sometimes it seems that way for the man. They all seem to get heavier, and sit around with a beer and a bag of chips doing nothing, if John's like that I'll beat him with the broom.   
  
We head to the cash and pay for our things, I guess I am nervous about the pregnancy, I am not sure if I want another one yet, I don't know. I pull into our drive way, and we all get out rushing towards the house baby test in hand. Once in, I walk towards the bathroom, Sam and Susan wait outside while I do my thing, I walk out smiling, preparing to live in a world of distress for the ten minutes it takes for the test to work. I sit on the couch, laying with my hands, fiddling with the couch cushions. I finally hear the stove timer beep, and we all get up rushing over to the washroom. I push my way by Sam and Susan and nervously look at the stick, my hands are shaking, this is the moment I've waited for, for well the past thirty minutes or so. But I need to know, I want to know. I have not quite decided on how I feel about the pregnancy, but I know once I look at that stick it will make or break me. I know deep down that I want to be pregnant. To have another baby with Carter would be magical, perfect. I don't know great. I look at Sam and Susan who are looking at me impatiently. I suddenly get the feeling I want to do this by myself. I stand up looking up at them they get the drift and unhappily leave the washroom, to me and my uncontrollable thoughts. I close my eyes and hold my breath as I pick it up, which makes no sense. I should be breathing and have my eyes open when I look at this test. I take one more deep breath and open my eyes. Minus. I frown slightly. Minus? This explains nothing. If I am not pregnant why was I puking? Maybe it really was nerves. I can't help, but feel slightly disappointed, well more then slightly hugely. I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks. "SO?" I hear Susan's voice from outside the bathroom.   
  
"Uh-" I wipe the tears away, and put on a fake smile as I open the bathroom door. I see them eagerly standing there. "I'm not." Their faces fall.   
  
"I'm so sorry Abby." Sam says engulfing me in a hug.   
  
"No its okay, really." I reason, "I mean, we have the wedding, and marriage and stuff, there will be time for more babies later." I say trying to hold in the tears that are threatening to fall. I pull out of her grasp and walk over to the table preparing to get this wedding started, well at least the pre wedding stuff. The make up artist should be coming soon, my dress is so beautiful too. I can't wait to be in it. It be nice if I was in it and my baby was in me, that can't happen though. unless we go have sex now, and he knocks me up. I sigh, flipping through a bridal magazine that lay on the table. "Abby-"  
  
Susan starts, I really don't feel like being comforted, because I am fine with whole thing. I don't need another child, I have Bryce and Addison. Although a girl would be nice, but I can't think about that.   
  
"Its beautiful out here huh?" I turn around from the beach to see Carter about three feet behind me. "John, you're not suppose to see my before the wedding." I sigh, turning to look at the water hitting the shore. I can feel him move closer to me, I continue to watch the wavy waters. The wave crash up against the shore roughly, like they are upset or mad, maybe even in pain? I don't know. I feel the same way, watching the waves calms my pains, even if its just for a moment. "Sam said you were acting weird today. She didn't say why." Carter said bringing me out of my thoughts. I feel the tears coming again. I don't know why this matters so much to me. Maybe it is just the stress from the wedding. He walks closer to me, so he is right behind me, I turn around his hair blow carelessly in the gentle winds, he looks down at me, this is such a romance novel moment. "What's wrong?" He prompts.  
  
"Nothing." I lie.  
  
"So you're lying before we're even married." He scoffs looking ticked off.  
  
"Never mind." I walk away from him, further down the beach. He follows right on my heels. "Never mind what? I thought there was nothing to never mind?" I don't want him to no about the 'not really there,' baby. It will just upset him too, and its bad enough one of us is upset on our wedding day. I never should have let them talk me into getting a pregnancy test. "These isn't anything to never mind." I mumble, picking my pace up.  
  
"So what? Are we going to fight On our wedding day? Start our life off together with a nice bang." He screams.  
  
"We have already started our life together, and it already sucks." I yell back turning around to face him, a look of scorn and pain crosses his eyes. "If it sucks so bad then why did you agree to marry me?" His arms fly out to his sides, I didn't meant to say that. Our life really doesn't suck together, it was just the heat of the moment. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that," I say looking at the sand.   
  
"Yeah, you don't mean a lot of things."   
  
"What is that suppose to mean?" I say looking back up at him.  
  
"Nothing. It means nothing." He looks towards the angry waters, maybe the water is an omen for our relationship. "So you just say something like that and leave it hanging in the air to come back and bite us in the ass later?" He looks back down at me, his eyes have narrowed, "kind of like your secret." He spits back at me.  
  
"What secret John?" I screech at the top of my lungs. "There is no fucking secret. There is no fucking baby either." I holler, his expression changes, he feels bad now. "Yeah, I thought I was pregnant. I'm not though." I say angrily, my facial expression still that of hate. "You thought-" He starts, I nod, we stand staring at each other for a moment, before the tension gets to much for me to take, and I walk off. I have my hair to get done.  
  
"You look so beautiful." I look over at my mother who has tears in her eyes.  
  
"Thanks mom." I mumble, I don't feel beautiful, I feel like a bitch, who instead of talking to, her husband to be in thirty minutes, screams at him on the beach on her wedding. I sigh looking at myself in the mirror. I love this dress, I feel in love with it the minute I saw it. "Carter is such a nice man." My mom says smiling.  
  
"Yeah, he is." I feel so bad and guilty, I probably wrecked our wedding day.  
  
"What's wrong?" She asks, I sigh looking around the small room we are in.  
  
"Nothing." I lie, what is with me and lying today?   
  
"Bryce wants to see you, so I'll just go." She says walking over to me and kissing me on the cheek, I feign a smile, she leaves quickly and Bryce walks through the door looking handsome in his suit. He said he didn't want a tux, he looks very handsome. His blond hair gelled up, he is going to be a hit with ladies when he's older. "You look beautiful mom." He walks towards me, smiling.   
  
"You look so handsome." I think I am going to cry, he reaches up and pulls me into a tight hug. "You better watch out I could steal the attention away from you." He cracks.   
  
I brush my hand against his cheek, "are you nervous?" He asks looking at me. "Cause if you are, you shouldn't be. Dad and you, you are just so great together. Its like, I don't know when I see you two together, I know that I don't have to worry about you guys getting a divorce, because you are just so happy together, and I know you fight sometimes, but at the end of it you just seem so much closer together. Your fighting brings you together. I love you both separately, but I love you together too. Because when you are together your happier. You guys fit like a puzzle. I never thought you'd date a guy I actually liked, but you did, and he's great, and the best, which is perfect cause you deserve only the best. Ted, and those guys were not the best, John, John is the best. He loves you so much, I know it. Anyways just my two cents." He smiles, and the tears fall down my cheeks, thank god I'm wearing water proof mascara. "Thank you." I say through tears. He's right, whatever little fight John and I have, we will always make it through because we are stronger together then we are separately. He is my partner, my lover, my friend, my other half. Without him I would be incomplete. I am complete now that I have him. We may not have conceived again yet, but we will, and it will be right when we do. Maybe it won't be tonight or tomorrow, but it will happen.   
  
I kiss Bryce on the cheek, and hear a knock on the door, "Uncle Eric." Bryce yelps.  
  
"Hey kid, how's your mom?" He asks smiling, Addi is in his arms playing with his tie.  
  
"I made her cry."   
  
"Already? Good job." He high fives Bryce, then moves forward to kiss me on the cheek and hand Addison to me. "They are such great kids." He smiles.   
  
"The best." I smile.  
  
"Are you ready, because Bryce and I are ready to walk you down the aisle." Eric says.  
  
"Okay, here we go." We head for the door, Eric hands Addison to Maggie on the way out, we head towards the piece of land we are marrying on. A long red carpet is set out for us to walk along, Carter is standing at the far end smiling nervously, my family and friends on one side, his on the other. I smile at him, I don't think he knows that everything is okay with us now, hell he could be pissed off with me still, but I love him no matter what. Through thick and thin, he is mine forever and I am his. The three of us start towards Carter, I love this man, the first thing I am going to do when I get up there is tell him that.   
  
*~ReViEw ReSpOnSeS~*  
  
Camlia- (since you reviewed all the chapters at once, i thought this would be easier:))  
  
Chapter: 28- Yes, we are sad that it has come to an end. But all good things must end.:( It's been a three month wild ride.  
  
Chapter: 27- Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it.  
  
Chapter: 26- lol thank you.  
  
Chapter: 25- haha, the romp in the grass woulda been humorous to read. lol, but Bratty Bryce got in the way :(  
  
Chapter: 24- Yes, everything was awesome in that chapter, too bad all good things must end.  
  
Chapter: 23- aw, the happiness doesn't last too long. At least Carter and Abby weren't fighting.   
  
Chapter: 22- I'm glad you enjoyed reading that chapter, that was my favourite one to write.   
  
Chapter: 21- Yah, Bryce is like obsessed with Annette, how cute is that? lol. Yeah Abby had problems dealing with her feelings, and carter and abby both have communication problems, as we all know.  
  
Chapter: 20- Annette, hehe, she loves Carter.   
  
Chapter: 19- lol I'm sorry, Annette is pretty much gone. Accept a few minor mentions lol, I bet you'll never guess who mentions annette lol!  
  
Chapter: 18- haha the tub, that is so freaking amusing lo. Ima use that one day. I know someone who already has haha.   
  
Chapter: 17- haha it was what they needed, and what they need more of lol.  
  
Chapter: 16- Yah, it was sad when Bryce's comments went on hold for a while. But expect a few more in the near future.  
  
Chapter: 15- YAY! We made you smile. I liked lock down, I didn't see it when it first aired, but I saw chaos theory when it first aired. So that made things confusing. lol. But I thought Carter and Abby were dating in the letter, and they acted like it though. Funny, they started to show relationship promise in the letter, and they ended in dear abby. Both shows had a letter. Sorry I'm babbling lol.  
  
Chapter: 14- Fuzz rocks!!! We need fuzz in the show, that is NOT carter and kem.  
  
Chapter: 13- Addi, hehe, and of course Ernie had to be in there.  
  
Chapter: 12-Yes, it is lucky that things worked out well. But of course we wouldn't kill abby off :)  
  
Chapter: 11- You came back, now your leaving. you are going to miss the final chapter, oh well you can catch up when you get back:) 


	31. Chapter 106 vows

Authors Note- I would just like to thank everyone who has read this story, and everyone who has reviewed. We have loved reading what you thought, good or bad. Although I'll be honest good is better lol, and we were a bit defensive at the bashing lol, but for the most part we seemed to get positive reviews. So thank you everyone. One more chapter after this, it will be posted mid day tomorrow. No preview for it, its a surprise, we haven't let anything on about it. So we hope you like it. Oh and chapter 105 is let downs, my bad, I accidentally put 104 as let downs.   
  
I see her coming down the aisle, I cannot believe I am standing here. I never imagined my life to change so drastically. It's been a wild, but amazing ride. I don't regret a moment of it. Well maybe a few ugly moments, but the happy ones I want to keep locked up in my heart forever. I can't stop smiling. I mean this wedding, this relationship, this life is what I want. We might not have had a good morning, a remind that we're not going to be eternally happy, but we can try and we will get through it. We're both emotionally detached, have trouble expressing our emotions to each other, but we'll slowly work on it, it will get better. In the end I doubt I will ever know everything she feels, but its okay because secrets are essential to survival. I'm not mad at her either, we sort of left it unsolved. I just wish she had an easier time telling me the important things. I'm not going to yell at her or scold her. I want another child as much as I know she does. A little girl. Or two little girls. We've got to even out the pack. We've got two sons, tonight we'll make it two sons and a daughter, due in mid January.   
  
She reaches me, and I take the veil from over her face and push it back. She's smiling, but I see a sudden bout of apology in her eyes. We're supposed to be paying attention to the minister, but we've suddenly become lost in each others eyes, trying to tell her that everything will be okay without any words. The world has disappeared from around me, all I acknowledge is the woman in front of me, eyes like deep oceans into the unknown. The air is perfect, light, sweet, gentle. The sky is clear, the sun shining as if approving of the day. The only sound is the crashing of the waves against the water. I turn my attention back to the minister for a second, I know our vows are coming up. We decided to write our own vows, and not to share them till today. I guess it was something we both needed to think about, so we can cherish and acknowledge them even more. I wrote mine a few days ago, down here at the coast. I was alone, and it just felt like the best time. I ended up having to cut some of it down, since the actual ceremony is only supposed to go for about an hour. I still don't know how I did. I could never find the right words to say to her, much less express how I feel about her. It can't be done, not even with the biggest thesaurus and vocabulary. It's just raw emotion. She understands and knows it. I could have said the simplest thing, or the most intricate, and it would still sound the same because she holds my soul and she would know the truth behind every word. Everyone else might not, but she's a part of me, my heart. I hear the minister say my name. I'm shaking a bit, I don't know why. I guess its just nerves. I want this to be so special for her. She means everything to me. I take a deep breath and begin.   
  
"We've been through so much, more than anyone should ever have to handle, and it has made us stronger. It has made my love for you stronger, love that will surpass any barrier and any length of time. You are the only person that can make me feel as if I have a reason to live. I live only for you. Every breath I take, I take for you. The good times might pass and the bad times will be the only thing in sight, but you will always be able to hold on to me. I will be forever by your side. You are my life. You've seen the worst of me, and you still loved me. You've seen me crumble, destroyed, and you picked me back up. No one has ever had that much effect on me. Every time I look into your eyes, I see my future, holding you safe and secure in my arms. I love you. Always and forever, I will be faithful to you, cherish you, respect you. When you fall, I will catch you. When you cry, I will wipe away your tears. When you laugh, I will share your joy. Everything I am and everything I have is yours, from this moment and for eternity. I love you with everything I am."  
  
I see the few tears come streaming down her eyes, I'm crying as well. It wasn't that bad when I was writing it. But now, the real thing, looking deep into her chocolate brown eyes, saying it to her, her soul. It's taken a hold of me. This is what my life was mean to be. This is where every single wrong turn was supposed to take me. The problems, the arguments, the fights, everything suddenly became clear to me. It was a test, a test that we passed with flying colours. Every single lie or harsh word, had a purpose, it's so obvious to me. I hadn't seen it earlier. The course of true love is bound to have a few bumps along the way, but friendship and trust will help us get over them. Friendship, the one thing that bound us together before love. Friendship, she is my best friend, my destiny, my fate. She is my soul, she knows everything about me, I have no secrets to hold from her, and I will tell her no lies. Nothing has ever been written in the stars, it never was. I let myself open up to her, I took a chance and leapt into life, at the chance of true love, my life changed forever. It will never be the same again. I don't want it to. Every single thing that lead me here has been a blessing. I look down at her hands, she's shaking worse than I was. I don't know why we are so nervous. It's ironical in a way, but yet marriage is a big step. This is my first time, I didn't know what to expect. This is her second, she's more cautious, careful, but she's still as naive as I am. We've both let ourselves be led into unknown places, things we've never experiences before. It's a new chance for both of us. I give her hands a delicate squeeze as the minister looks at her. She looks so happy, but frightened at the same time.   
  
"You have stood my by side through every trial that was put in front of us. I really expected you to leave, I never thought you would stay. I've been hurt so many times in my life, I promised myself never to be put in that position again. But that was before I met you. You have seen the real me, with all my insecurities, doubts, fears, and problems, and you have loved me regardless of everything. I started to believe in true love again. You came into my life as a surprise, and it's never been the same since. I don't want it to go back. You understand me without words, like you can read my mind, or have captured my soul. I've never been more afraid of anything in my life, but somehow I know its going to be alright because I have you. We can get through anything together, we already have. Where there was cold, you brought me warmth. When my life was dark, you brought me light. In my darkest trouble, in my coldest silence, I looked for you. You were there. And I promise the same to you, to be by your side until the end of time. I love you, and I know you've kept your promise, you never left."  
  
As we grow old and we slowly begin to change we will look into each others eyes and know that what we have will never go. That with each breath we take ,our love will grow .These are the words we feel and speak from our hearts. I look to my right hand, to Bryce who has the wedding bands. They are plain and simple, nothing fancy, but the love they represent never could be understood. They might look like ordinary white gold rings, but they encompass our souls being exchanged, a feat that will far surpass anything physical. I take the her hand, slowly placing the band on her finger.   
  
"This ring is a symbol of my undying love and devotion to you, that will go on without end, for eternity."  
  
It slides on as if it was meant to be there, a perfect resting spot amidst the chaos. She takes her ring from Sam, who is behind her. She takes my shaking hand into her shaking hand.   
  
"Take this ring as a sign of my love and devotion, for just a circle, my love will never end."  
  
We look up at each other, smiles starting to break through the nervous and fearful tears. We both look up at the minister.   
  
"Like a stone should your love be firm, like a star should your love be constant. Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage, let the strength of your wills bind you together, let the power of love and desire make you happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable. Be close, but not too close. Possess one another, yet be understanding. Have patience with one another, for storms will come, but they will pass quickly. Be free in giving affection and warmth. Have no fear, for you two will always have each other. I now, in a moment of pure happiness, pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."  
  
I turn towards her, tears falling down her red cheeks. I wipe them away with my hands, I can't believe she's my wife. She's my wife. It sounds so right. So normal. I lean in gently, as if this was our first kiss, the sparks are still there. They will always be there. My heart is beating like it has never before. I feel like I'm a million miles away from the world, it's just the two of us, nothing on our minds but each other. I pull her closer to me, she's smiling through the kiss. I feel the showers of rose petals over us, but I don't care. I can't break away from her. But I have to. We have the rest of our lives together. I pick her up, taking her in my arms, she lays her head on my shoulder, and we start down a new path, a path that will curve and turn and twist but it doesn't matter. We are ready for anything the world can throw at us, we are together, and nothing, ever will tear us apart. The road may lead to hate, pain and suffering, but it will eventually end right where it was meant to be, straight to the heart.   
  
"I love you."  
  
She smiles, the biggest and happiest smile I have ever seen.   
  
"I love you, too."  
  
~*REVIEW RESPONSES*~  
  
IDontWriteIJustRead - Yeah Bryce really is like his mother lol. The chair thing haha, that came from an expierence of mine lol. Well of course we threw in a curve in the last chapter. Haha. We had to, we couldn't let you forgot what this fic is all about. Hehe, we were true to our title.   
  
Kaitlin- In this case, exciting means good:)!  
  
CARBYforever- lol Bryce and Carter really are father and son, lol, pretty much.  
  
vicki- Fuck is the best word lol. No actually, I sometimes don't even realise I am using it. I don't usually swear when I talk lol, so its weird that I write it so much lol. I am glad you enjoyed the chapter, no fighting is a nice treat :), although fighting is good too.  
  
smilez4eva-I screwed up, that title was actually meant for the next one lol. Hmm after the wedding, maybe lol... or not lol you'll have to wait and find out lol.  
  
MrsWyle- actually its suppose to be called let downs for 105, but I accidentally put it on 105... sorry for the mix up. 


	32. Chapter 107 this life

Authors Note- This is it. The end. Firs off we would just like to thank everyone for reviewing endless times, you kept us writing. We love you all for it, so thank you very much. We would like to thank Clay Aiken and his parents, to Clay for singing amazingly and inspiring Sylvia. To his parents for making him. To every country singer, you have inspired me. Alsothanks Sylvia for agreeing to write this insane fic with me. Without you there wouldn't be a HTLAB! So thanks!  
  
Now onto the fic, this isn't like your usual chapter. This is one written in Bryce's pov. Which was our idea for the sequel, so we decided that before writing the sequel we would see what everyone thought about this one. If we were to do the sequel it would only be like a chapter a week for a while. So anyways let us know what you think  
  
If you want some other fics to read check out bittersweet Regrets, and Winding Roads Broken by lies, Borders, and don't look back. Those are some of my fave fics. Oh and mother dear. So go check those out if you haven't already. They are defintely worth it.   
  
Thanks once again:) I hope you enjoyed reading the story as much as we have writing. Its sad to see it go, but we had fun writing it.  
  
~*~  
  
Friday was their anniversary, married for two years. I would like to say happily, but I am not sure if every moment of their marriage, or relationship together, has been happy. Overall I truly believe they are two of the happiest people I know, but 'happily married' just seems like to much of a cliche, a cliche that is not fit to describe them. Although sometimes I wish it did. I wish my parents relationship with one another, and me, was not so complex. But it is, that's what makes them who they are, as individuals, as a couple.   
  
We are a family though, the beginning was rough, and I'm sure the end will follow suit, but it has been an exciting to say the least. There are five us now, soon to be six. Mom is two months pregnant, with what dad hopes to be his second little girl. They have sex so much I told them even if this one is not another girl they are bound to have another baby. They just can't seem to keep their pants on. I am now thirteen, soon to be fourteen, and just as sarcastic and witty as ever. Dad says I'm turning into a man, I say I was a man long before he was. I no longer have as many girlfriends, which is good, well at least for mom, who I am sure I have sent to an early grave with all my crazy antics. Addison is almost three, he will be in a few weeks, its crazy how quickly he has grown up. Now he talks all the time and annoys the hell out of me. That doesn't matter though, I love him anyways. It's neat having a little brother, I which we were closer in age, but I wouldn't want him to be anyone else, or have anyone else as his dad. Carter is the best dad a kid could ask for. I want to be just like him one day, minus the drug addiction, and his sometimes insane facial hair, that seems to have a mind of its own, mom doesn't let him grow it too long, which is good.   
  
~*~  
  
I hear Makayla starting another tantrum again, she's such a daddy's little girl. That's why I stick with Addison, I always call Makayla a permanent souvenir from the wedding. Well she was conceived on the wedding night. They got it on and I swear they haven't stopped. Its really annoying sometimes to hear those moans from behind a locked door. But what can anyone do? Mom's pregnant again. And whatever she wants she gets. I liked being an only child. But having a full house is good too. I walk over there, Addison on my heels. Pull Kayla out of her play pen and rock her. I have no clue where my parents are and I do not want to know. I've been at the wrong place at the wrong time one too many times. She stops crying and I put her down, the girl is a permanent strain on my back. I grab a soda out of the fridge and hand Addi a juice box. Can't have the kid on sugar and caffeine, it would then officially become hell.   
  
"I want a cookie." I look down at Addison who is smiling up at me, his hands are behind his back, his head cocked to the side. He looks so much like mom, his face shape is the most evident, and the eyes. The way they show so much emotion, he can't hide any thing from us because once we look into his big brown eyes we know exactly what he is feeling. "Ask mom." I say walking over to a fussing Makayla's crib.   
  
"I don't know where she is." He shrugs his shoulders running after me, his brown mop of hair bouncing on top of his head. "Well call for her." I sigh, trying to shake the kid.   
  
"She's with daddy wrestling, and they don't like me then." I start to laugh, even he knows not to bother them when they are in the middle of a romp session. "Nah- that's not true Addi, go get mommy and daddy." I say leaning down to his eye level, a mischievous grin on my face. "Okay." He toddles over to the stairs, placing his hands on the higher stair and lifting his body up, onto the next step. I lean down and pick Kayla up, walking over to the fridge to get her some juice. She is easier to tolerate when she has food in her mouth. "BRYCE!" I look up to see the bedroom door open, he must have scared the hell out of them. "What?" I feign innocence. "Come get your brother." Dad finishes for mom.   
  
"No thanks. I already have Makayla. You're the ones who made these things, you have to look after them." I call back up to them, I head for the stairs to get a new shirt for Makayla out of her room, she is spitting up like crazy, its nasty. "Bryce." Mom tries again as I walk by their room. "Get in here." I head in their room, they are both completely clothed, this is weird, why do they need privacy if they are not having sex? Usually they talk at night, not when the kids are still up. "What's up?" I ask puzzled.   
  
"Bryce, just go." Carter orders angrily. I grab Addisons hand and lead him out into the hall. "Go play in your play room." I say, pointing him in the direction of the cluttered mess a mere two feet away. I keep my ear pinned to the door and listen to what they are saying. They speak quietly, not wanting to give us any reason to worry, but I already know there is reason too... "John- I don't think you should go." Mom says softly.  
  
"I have to Abby, I have no other choice." I can tell that she is annoyed. Where is he going? Why is she so mad about it? I lean in closer to the door, trying to hear everything, Makayla tries to get out of my grasp, so I slowly let her down. Suddenly the door flies open and I am lying on their bedroom floor looking up at my steaming parents.   
  
~*~  
  
I try to look down at the floor. They look pissed as hell. I start to look up at my mom, cause I feel safer doing that right now. "Bryce, you're grounded! I'm sick of you having to know everything that goes on in this house!" I close my eyes and roll them, why does dad always ground me? It's not fair. I didn't do anything. I look at mom and she just shrugs her shoulders. I can't believe she's siding with him on this. It's not fair. I get up and pick Makalya up. Dad takes her from me, and start to rock her. She's so annoyingly fussy all the time. I start out the door. "Go to your room, I'll be there in a second." Great, the last thing I want is to talk to him. Not only does he ground me like the jackass that he is, he has to talk to me too. I can't help rolling my eyes. I hate my parents sometimes. I hear mom's steps behind me, she slapped me on my butt. Oh my god, I cannot believe I just got spanked. She hasn't' done that in years. It's not fair. I'm not a little kid anymore, can they realize that? She grabs my shoulder and turns me around. The last thing I want to do is deal with her and her hormones. Can't they just screw each other and each other happy? God. I'm going to go to an early grave. "Bryce do not give me or your father any of that attitude." I roll my eyes, walking away from her to my room. I shut my door and lean on it. I still want to know what the hell is going on. Where is dad going? I hear mom's screams, then Makayla starts to cry. I know the scene must be heating up. I've been in the middle of the crossfire before. I get enough notion to go back there and take Makalya before she's ripped apart limb by limb. Can't they be a normal couple and have sex. Sex makes everything better.   
  
~*~  
  
"Bryce-" Oh shit, here comes the lecture, he always has this way of saying things, trying to convince me that I was wrong. I wasn't wrong, I just wanted to know what the hell was going on, they never tell me anything, they think I'm some little kid, which I'm not. "What?" I holler, from my room, Kayla sits on my bed playing with her favourite doll, she is so easily entertained. "I want to talk to you." He shouts back,  
  
"Well I don't want to talk to you." I say with a little more attitude, they always say I am getting an attitude, where the hell have they been? I've always had an attitude. He opens my door scanning my room, then sighing in defeat. Its not that messy. "Makayla come here sweetie." He walks over to the bed picking her up and hands her to a waiting mom at the door, Dad shuts the door behind them, and I prepare myself to be talked to death. Sometimes I wished they'd just smack me- oh wait that just happened. Since they smacked me do I really deserve the talk? Isn't it one or the other?   
  
"Sit down." Carter motions with his head to my bed.  
  
"I'm good thanks." I spit back, he rolls his eyes at me, sometimes I think he is glad I am not his, he doesn't want to take credit for the brat of the family. "Listen Bryce, when your mother and I want you to know something we will tell you." He looks me in the eye, I try to break his gaze, but he won't let me. "What if I want to know? What if I don't like all the secrets being kept from me?" I sass.  
  
"Bryce, kiddo, there are no secrets. I am not going far."   
  
"Where are you going then?" He looks at me for a second, deciding whether he should tell me or not. "Well-" I prompt impatiently, "Are you going to tell me or are you going to stand there like a dildo." Maybe I shouldn't have made that comment, but I don't care I'm already grounded for two weeks or more anyways. What the hell do I care? To be honest sometimes I say things like that to get attention, between work and the two babies they never spend anytime with me anymore. I miss it. I miss my parents, I miss the jokes we use to make, the way everything was so fun, interesting and even intense. I couldn't tell them that though, they wouldn't understand. They don't understand me anymore. I'm misunderstood.   
  
~*~  
  
He gives me a this look that pretty much said you've pushed it. "For that comment, it's gonna be whole month." I flop back onto the bed. I wish I could talk to them without pissing them off and having them understand me. It's probably not going to happen anyway. "So where ya going?" He starts to get up. "Dad.." I whine. I do that a lot when I want something. "Brazil, for a week and half." I shrug my shoulder, what's the big deal with that. "So why is mom pissed?" He shoots me another look. I should bite my tongue now. "Because I'm going into the rainforest on a medical mission trip. I can't get out of it. And to make things worse, Annette is going." I can't help but smile. She was hot. I can definitely see why dad screwed her. I mean he loves mom, but she isn't something I would just let pass by. She's got to be awesome in bed. Mom must be steaming. She probably has reason to. "It's just a week and half. No big deal, right?" I see him shrug his shoulders, he sighs. "Weather-permitting. There is a possibility we could be stranded for a few extra days." I sit up. I want to go. Stranded in the middle of a rainforest with the hottest woman alive. I could definitely go for this.   
  
~*~  
  
"Let me come!" I say running out of the room, a big smile plastered on my face. He heads down the stairs, "NO!" He calls back to me, what? Why not? He's having an affair with Annette and is afraid I will steal her from him, isn't he? I grab onto the railing and run down as fast as I can, grabbing onto his arm trying to pull him back. "Bryce you can't come." He throws my arm off of his and walks to the kitchen where mom is feeding Kayla. "Why not?" I whine, stomping my feet like a child.  
  
"Because, the rainforest is not place for a child." Mom says handing dad an annoying Addison. "Good then, cause I'm not a child." I counter,  
  
"then why are you behaving like one?" Mom says back meanly. She really does not like Annette at all, they do not get along. They don't like each other, they were both pining for dad and mom got him, ever since there have been hard feelings between them. I personally don't see what Annette sees in Dad, I mean I'm much better looking, and I'm younger so I could probably last longer in bed. Women. "Bryce, Annette, is 35 years old, she is not going to go out with you." Dad laughs smacking me in the side of the head.   
  
"Oh come on, you're just mad because you know I could get her, and you want her." I holler back, the second the words leave my mouth I realise how wrong they were. I definitely hit the wrong buttons. "Bryce-" My dad says through gritted teeth. "Annette and I are friends, that is all." Mom looks hurt, upset that I would even utter those words.   
  
"Whatever, your probably lying, you probably have like three women on the side." Suddenly he is walking up to me, grabbing me by the ear and throwing me onto the couch. "You better get use to that spot, because the way you're acting you are never leaving the fucking house again." He screams at me, I don't know why he is so upset.  
  
"If you aren't having an affair then, why does me saying that bug you so much huh?" He glares at me, mom just watches angrily, not knowing what to think. Carter and I have been fighting a lot lately, but this is the first time it hit home. "Shut your mouth."   
  
~*~  
  
I shut my mouth, looking up at the ceiling. I hear Makalya being put into her crib and dad trying to talk to mom. I would turn around and try to figure out what's going on, but I think that I might end up in a lot of pain. They move closer to me and I can hear some of their conversation about Annette just being a friend, and there is no one else in the world that he would rather be with than her. I roll my eyes. Who knows what he does when we're not around. I don't know if mom believes him or not, but whatever. I could careless. I hear mom's angry footsteps up the stairs and dad yell after her. Oh well, they got to get over the whole affair thing sooner or later. I want to go. I don't see why I can't go. It's not fair. Dad gets to have all the fun. I can't even have a damn girlfriend because it pisses them off. All I do is baby sit and clean. It's not fucking fair. Dad probably could get out if it he tried. But he's not because he needs sex with someone that's not always pregnant and irritable. And Annette is neither. She's so perfect, it gives me hope. I could get her. I really could. I don't have Carter's family's looks so I'm all good. I hear dad running down the stairs after the door slammed. He's sleeping on the couch again. I know it. He walks towards me. "You are in some deep shit, you know that?" I avoid meeting gazes with him. I know he's pissed as hell.   
  
~*~  
  
When they break up, I wonder who I get to live with? Probably mom. Just to punish me I could see them making me live with Dad. He's such a shit. He thinks he's so cool, he's not really, I mean he has his moments where he can be okay, but for the most part he's annoying. I liked him a lot better when he liked spending time with me. Now its a burden to him if mom asks him to pick me up from basketball. I'm probably the reason he's having the affair, my question is why would Annette choose dad? I mean he's not that great looking, and she's fucking hot. "Hey- maybe the reason you're being such a brat lately is you're thinking with the wrong head." Dad gestures towards my pants, as he walks by holding Addison. "Fuck you." I mutter, while covering my pants with a pillow. "You're pushing your luck. You know that? One more word out of your mouth you won't be leaving the house till next September, all you'll be doing is cleaning and watching your siblings."   
  
"Isn't different from what I do now." I huff, he's such a jerk, I'm more a dad to them then he is. He's too busy working and fucking mom, then fucking who ever he has on the side. Out of no where he has put Addison down grabbed me roughly by the arm and is dragging me up the stairs, I push him off me, he looks at me enraged. "You're a little brat you know that? We give you everything you could ever want and you repay us by mouthing off? You are such an ungrateful shit."  
  
"I hate you!" I scream at him, he turns around. "What are you going to do? Drag me up the stairs? Or how about drag me by my ear?" I am not scared of him I can take him, he's just stupid. "Bryce, kid I- I just can't take you any more." He walks by me, patting me on the back heading over to Addison. "I give up."  
  
"Right- you're going to spend all your energy on your own kids." I don't even wait for his reaction, I bolt up the stairs and slam my bedroom door. I hate him today.  
  
~*~  
  
I lie down on my bed. There's nothing to fucking do since everything's been taken away from me. I hate this place. God, what the hell. I should just leave. I could probably get away with much more at Richard's. They'd send me away if I asked. They both hate me. I'm not important anymore because I'm not *their* child. I don't give a damn. I hear my door open and I look up to see Addison. "Get out." He keeps coming towards me. "Addison get the fuck out of my damn room!" He looks at me and his big brown eyes fill with tears. He starts to cry, walking away. Great. I'm going to get yelled at and punished for that too. Everything I do is wrong. I can't do anything right. I'm a fucking burden to them. Why the hell won't they just get rid of me? My door opens again. "Bryce, apologize to your brother." Mom sounds like she's been crying, but I know she's just as angry as everyone else in this house. I start to get off the bed. I am not going to mess with her. Hell knows where I would end up. Probably in a boarding school somewhere in Antarctica. An all-boys boarding school because they like to torture me. I walk past her and she's about to slap me again, but I duck and get away. I'm like the human punching bag. I really am. "I don't care what your going through right now, go fuck yourself if you have to, but that attitude of yours better be gone by dinner." Thanks mom for the support. I can tell this is going to be a long night. Both of them hate me, and they hate each other. Addison and Makalya are holy and no one is able to touch them. They get more respect and love than I do.   
  
~*~  
  
I hate moments like this. 'Family moments' where Abby and John sit around with their two perfect kids, and their one fuck up. Who incidentally sits at the far end of the table. Coincidence? I think not. "Are you going to eat or play with your food like a child?" Carter spits at me. "I think I'm going to play with my food John." I say sarcastically. I see him roll his eyes and try not to flip the table over and beat the shit out of me. "Watch your mouth!" He points the fork at me as he says this.  
  
"What or your going to go Richard on my ass?" Mom throws her fork and knife down on the table, pushing her chair out a little bit. "You know what? You are being just about the biggest shit possible, you have no respect for anyone, or anything. You think you have it so fucking bad Bryce? You don't. You have two parents who love you."  
  
"Really? It doesn't seem that way?" I get up from the table and run for the stairs. "You only like Addison and Makayla, because they are so fucking perfect." I finish my run for my room. I don't want to be any where near them today, or tomorrow or ever. I can't wait till Carter goes to Brazil, then I won't have to see him everyday. "why doesn't Bryce like me?" Addison manages to say through tears.   
  
I slam my bedroom door, and blare my new Ozzy Osbourne CD, I don't want to hear there fucking, or fighting tonight. I don't even want to know they exist. I cover my face with my pillow and listen to my music, the best music ever. "What the hell are you doing?" I sit up to see Carter drilling my door. "I'm taking your door off." He screams over the music, I get up and turn my music down, "NO YOUR NOT!" I say pushing him away, he grabs me by the waist and holds me still. "Let the hell go of me, and put my fucking door back on. "When you learn to respect us, and our privacy, we will give you your privacy and respect." He say releasing me from his grip. He takes hold of my door, and puts it in the spare room. "So I'll never get my door back, cause you'll never respect me. Like you'd give me my privacy? You think I'm up here having sex with random girls all the time." I screech, walking over to the spare room to continue my yelling.  
  
"You better not be, I don't even get to have sex with random girls." He smiles setting the door against the wall.   
  
~*~  
  
Fine so I sit around in the spare bedroom. At least it has a lock on the door. I heard Makalya and Addison being put down for bed. It's grown silent, so I guess its safe to come out. I sneak towards the stairs to figure out where the parentals are. I hate them. I really hate them. I hear them in the living room. I sit down the on the steps, the lights are off, except for a lamp downstairs. I hide in the shadows. I doubt they would even know if I left. I lean against the wall because I saw Carter turn around. I move closer a bit. I wonder what they are discussing, probably where to send me to boot camp, or boarding school. I hear mom say something about not knowing what she's going to do with me. I see Carter walk towards her but she pushes him away. He deserves it. Asshole. I hear Carter say something about not being able to do this any longer, the fighting has to stop, its going to start affecting Makayla and Addison, and the unborn baby. Of course he forgets about me because I'm a piece of shit to him. I see mom shrug her shoulders, then nod her head. Well at least they've come to the conclusion they need to get rid of me. Great. I"m a third wheel. I mean it was okay when it was just me, mom and carter. Addison was okay, he was a pain the ass but he wasn't that bad. But after Makayla he started to change. He's such a bastard. Mom too, she's a real bitch if she tries. I don't feel like getting up anymore. I just want to go some place where I won't be yelled at for every little mistake. Or have to deal with them or two bratty siblings. "Bryce, come down here." How the hell did he know I was up here? He can't see me I'm behind the damn corner.   
  
~*~  
  
Well there is no turning back now. I slowly walk down the stairs, I can feel their eyes burn into me. It doesn't bother me though, I don't care about anything anymore, they don't care so why should I? I walk over to the arm chair and sit down. They remain on the couch. I keep my eyes focused on the floor, I am really not in the mood for this right now, I am just afraid if I object they will sell me to white slavery. "Bryce." Carter says softly, wow he's not yelling at me that's a first. "What?"   
  
"What's with you lately?" I roll my eyes, then look at him.  
  
"Nothing." I throw my arms out at my side, mom takes a deep breath, she is not one of those moms to let her husband do all the talking so it can be expected that she jumps right in on the Bryce attack. "You are acting like a real shit lately. You treat your brother and sister like crap, you treat us like crap. The comments you have been making to your father are unacceptable, what is with you?"  
  
"I don't know maybe my mom telling me to go fuck myself isn't having the best impact on my life." I say sarcastically. I see Carter look over at her, he is trying to stifle a laugh, she swats his arm in annoyance. "Bryce- we love you." Carter says firmly.  
  
"Really? Cause you wouldn't know it. You only pay attention to Addison and Makayla, all I am is your little bitch. You haven't been to my basketball game in over a month, you use to come to every fucking game. So stop feeding the 'you have it so good' bullshit. You just bribe me off with CD's and video games, so I won't get pissed off that you are spending all your time with the other kids, so I won't realise that you don't really want me around. I fucking realise it." I run off to my room, again. I don't care that I don't have a door. I'm out of here, I kinda wish they would send me off to boarding school that way I won't have to be here. I can hear Makayla start to cry, so of course they run to her side instead of mine. Just proving my point again. Richard probably would like me more. I should call him. Really I should.   
  
~*~  
  
I don't know its been a half hour since the talk. I haven't heard any movement from the bedrooms upstairs nor anything from anyone downstairs. I don't know they are probably having sex somewhere in the basement. It seems to be their new spot. I walk downstairs to get a soda. I'm thirsty and starving. I walk into the kitchen the back way and no one's in there. I hear their voices from the basement. I knew they would be in there. They are always in there. I hear them coming up and I see mom's face. She's obviously been crying. Given that maybe a year or two ago, I would have run to find out what's wrong. But right now, I don't care. Carter's arm is around her. It's sickening when they do that. They claim to be so in love. Maybe he loves her, but for the sex, he probably has a few whores on the side at the hospital. I can't believe I actually wanted them together. I shoot them a dirty look while making my sandwich and mom walks over to the stove and sets the kettle for tea. I quickly grab my stuff and go outside on the porch. It's like undefined silence. They don't fight like they used to. Now it's just them fighting me. It's a two to one ratio. It's not fucking fair. I see the light go out in the kitchen, the stove lamp is still on though. I think they always leave it on. They are probably going to bed, I don't know if mom's still mad at Carter. I hope she is. I start to get up, I should go back inside before they bitch about me being outside when I'm supposedly grounded for fucking ever.   
  
I go to shut my bedroom door, realising its not there. Those bastards. I don't know what to do, I don't want to sleep here. They can just walk in and shoot me, and I won't even hear the door open. I lye down on my bed, looking around the room. I get a sudden idea, I walk out into the hallway, their door is shut. Good thing, cause if they found out I'd be in so much shit. I walk into Addisons room, carefully picking him up so I won't wake him, I tip toe my way over to his bedroom and place him in my bed. I grab a few things from my room, then go back to his room. He can have the door less room. I hop into his bed, even though its just a little kid bed its much nicer then mine. I decide I can at least get some sleep in here, without the hall light shining into my room. Tomorrow I will hang a curtain of some sort over my bedroom door, when I get home from school and they are bother working. I hear some arguing on the other side of the wall, the thing about Addision's room is its right next door to the rents. I lean in closer to the wall. "What do you want me to do John?" My mom says angrily.  
  
"Talk to him. He listens to you, he use to listen to me, but he doesn't like me anymore."  
  
"No. He thinks you don't like him. He thinks now that you have your own kids, your own blood, that he is nothing to you." Her voice rises a little, wow they are actually fighting over me, now just fighting with me, this is weird. "That's not true. He knows I love him." He argues back, obviously not jackass. Its weird to have mom fight for me, I always thought she might hate me just cause I'm Richards. I guess not. "No John he doesn't. Sometimes I don't, you can be so hard on him." Its true, he can be. Wow, this women is on a roll. I love my mom, maybe I should tell her that more often. "I'm only hard on him cause I love him Abby." He seems to be a little hurt by her comments, "I love that kid, I just don't know how to deal with him. So I guess, yah, maybe I do opt to spending time with Addison and Makayla over him because I know how to deal with them."   
  
I can tell my mom has suddenly found a soft spot for him. "Why don't you spend the day with him tomorrow, just the two of you?"   
  
"He has school." Carter argues, great now he's using my education as a way out of spending time with me, what a dill hole. "He can miss a day, he does pretty well in school." I hear them agree to have me spend the day with John, frankly I'd much rather be doing algebra while having my eyebrows waxed off by a three hundred pound man named, Big Bubba.   
  
~*~  
  
I wake up in my own bed. I have no clue how I got here, but I know I did not start out here. I look at my clock, it's 9:34. Great. So I ended up over sleeping for school. I'm going to get downstairs, be bitched at, and caused to clean or do something of the sort. I change out of my pajamas and do my hair, and prepare mentally to be degraded and put down. That's all they manage to do. I doubt I've heard a 'good job Bryce' or an "I love you Bryce" in ages. I don't care. I really don't. I don't need them. Only four more years and I'm out of here, faster than they can say bye. I walk past Makalya and Addison's rooms, they aren't in there, and the playroom is empty. The house is really silent. They might be downstairs, I don't know. I shouldn't care. I make my way down the stairs and the house is empty. Great, so now they've even forgotten about me. Mom and Carter must have taken the little brats to work with them. Gotta love that daycare system they got going. So now I'm under house arrest and I'm going to slowly wither away under the floorboards. I walk into the kitchen and grab a bowl of cereal. I'm starving. That sandwich last night did absolutely nothing. Speaking of last night, no wonder everyone's gone. Mom probably took Addi and Makay to work with her under the impression I was going to spend time with Carter. And then he ditched me. No big deal. I"m at home. I'm alone. I could call up Michelle. She would sneak out of school. She's perfect like that. No one would suspect anything. Or not. The porch door opens and John walks in. I can usually read what kind of mood he's in by the expression on his face, but it tells me nothing right now. I would say he's tired, but a night on the couch, or in the tub would do that to a person. Asshole. I take my cereal and head back up to my room. I have to figure out what to do about a door. "Bryce." I stop but I don't turn around. I don't think he deserves it. "Finish eating and come back down, okay?" His voice is pleading and that's the first time he's spoken to me without yelling or screaming or ordering me to do something. "I heard you and mom talking last night. And for whatever its worth, I don't want to spend time with you. Why don't you just tell mom that we bonded and fuck off?" I start up the stairs. I could add another year to that house arrest, but nothing. I wait for him to start bitching at me, but he doesn't. I'll probably get it when I come down cause I eventually have to come down.   
  
I walk into the kitchen, no Carter, living room, he's not their either. I am too lazy to check upstairs, he probably took off after my last comment anyways. I head for the door figuring a day at the arcade sounds like a sweet deal, then I could maybe call up Michelle see if we could hook up later. She's kind of cool, I would rather have Dylan to be honest, but she says I'm too 'wild' right now. "Hey where are you going? I just had to change my top." Carter calls jogging down the stairs. Damn it. I really thought I had the perfect escape planned out. "I was just going to wait outside." He gives me a weird 'I know your full of it' look, but doesn't say anything. He walks over to the counter grabs his keys, then ushers me out of the house. This ought to be interesting. "Do you want to take the L or drive."   
  
"I'm not getting in the car with you. You could loose your temper at any time and just decide to kill me." I spit rudely, he just shrugs then smiles. I am starting to get the feeling he has been taking Prozac, he hasn't been this happy in a while, that or he go laid last night. Which would not surprise me at all. We start walking, in silence, towards the L. I don't know where he is taking me, probably somewhere, where he can kill me and dispose of the body without stirring anything up. "So how are you?" He awkwardly asks as we wait on the platform. "Uh- good." I says a little perplexed by his sudden interest in how I am. Mom most be a killer in bed if he is taking this much interest in a kid he could just send to boarding school. "Good." He smiles, then rocks back and forth on his heels then on the balls of his feet. "You know I'm not just doing this cause your mom asked me too." He says in all seriousness. "Whatever." I turn away and walk onto the newly arrived train, he follows, its pretty empty, we beat rush hour or the big crowds. Carter takes a seat next to me, I can feel his eyes burning through me. "What?" I say turning to him.   
  
"Why do you hate me so much?" I can see the hurt in his eyes, I just don't know how to answer that.   
  
How the hell am I supposed to answer him? Why do I hate him? I hate him authority, everything he stands for, I resent the fact that he doesn't acknowledge me anymore. That he'd rather spend more time with his real kids than me. I mean I expected it. But I never thought we would stop hanging out like we used to. Even that stupid game of basketball late at night was fun. I shrug my shoulders and sink into the seat. I see his expression fade and he looks out the window at the passing scenery. I have no clue where we are going. I wish I knew but I don't. I'm too afraid to ask and I'm too pissed off to care. Why the hell is he acting like a father all of a sudden. He's been forced into this, and he's just trying to get on my good side so I don't tell mom he was faking affection. I want to go home so badly, but I have no choice anymore. I look to my left, away from him. Out of the corner of my eye I see him run his hand through his hair, then sigh. I'm not talking. I refuse to talk. We have nothing to talk about and even if we did he wouldn't listen to me. He doesn't give a damn about me, I'm just another house slave.   
  
"Do you want something to eat?" He says as we pass Ikes, I shake my head no refusing to look at him, we continue walking. I don't know where we are headed, I just follow him. He stops at a bench, what the hell? A bench? He really is fucked up. He sits down, I follow suit, we watch the water, the bench by the river, I think I've heard mom and dad talking about this place before. What is he bonding with me the same way he got into my moms pants? Freak. "Can we go?" I ask sharply, he looks up at me, a tad hurt. We then continue on our journey. "Want to go to the beach?" He asks turning to look at me.  
  
"Do I get a choice?"   
  
"There will be older bikini clad women." He grins.  
  
"Oh- so now your taking me out to help you look for women to cheat on mom with?" He scoffs at this walking away from me and towards the beach, I follow, figuring half naked chicks sounds like a fair trade off. He doesn't say much on the way there, I get the feeling that I have pissed him off to his wits end, how ever much he disliked me before, the hate has gone up about one hundred percent. "When's your next basketball game?"   
  
"Why do you care? Not like you come to them anyways." I say walking onto the sand,   
  
"yeah, considering I'm a horrible parent." He spits back at me.   
  
"Well you I didn't see you at the crowning for father of the year this year, so, yeah I'd say it puts you in that boat." He laughs bitterly, we are not looking at each other, too many half naked women walking around. "That's all you can do now, huh, when you talk is insult me?"   
  
"Well I've been wanting to ask you something else for a while now." I start, he suddenly seems intrigued, I have a feeling my question is going to disappoint him. "How was Annette in bed? I mean I know you had sex with her, so was she like wild?" I'm smiling from ear to ear, but I can't help it. I've had the biggest crush on her since the day I met her. "Bryce-" He screeches laughing.   
  
"What? She's hot. Like REALLY hot. Alex saw her a few times too, and he thinks she's hot too. Why would you leave her?" I know he loves mom and all, but come on.  
  
"Believe it or not Bryce, your mom is considered hot too." He smiles, no freaking way, that's disgusting. "No way." I say disgusted, he nods,  
  
"Yeah, remember your teach last year? Mr. Hawke's?" I nod, urging him to hurry up I want to know what he has to do with my mom being 'hot'. "He was trying to go out with her." I laugh, that is so wrong. "A lot of men do."   
  
Of course I did not need to know that. That is disgusting. I will never be able to look at the guy normally again. "You never answered my question." He looks at me with a funny expression on his face. "Annette?" I nod. I want to know. Badly. " It wasn't love making, it wasn't special. It was purely physical sex. I wouldn't be able to tell you because it meant nothing to me, I blocked it out." I roll my eyes. He just doesn't want to admit that she is better in bed than my mother. Mom's just easy. We walk down the beach, I'm absolutely drooling. I seriously need to get laid. I don't get the big deal, my parents do it everywhere and every chance they get. Why the hell can't I? I wonder when the next time Annette is going to be in town. I'd love to see her in a nice low cut shirt, or no shirt at all. She definitely has some boobs, and a nice ass. I need to pay more attention to where I'm walking cause those damn lifeguard stands jump out right in front of you. I almost crashed into one or two of them. I miss my Annette though. But of course half of these women here will do. I hear John's cell ring and I look up at him. He smiles, it's probably mom. God they disgust me sometimes. He hangs up his phone and looks at me. "So what's up with you lately, kiddo? I miss you."  
  
"Uh- nothing." I answer a little weird out by his question. "Same old."  
  
"You have a girlfriend? We haven't really gotten the chance to talk about that sort of stuff in a while." I agree, it has been a long time, at to be honest I kind of miss hanging out with him, we had a lot of fun. "Uh- sort of, but not really. This girl Michelle likes me a lot." I run my fingers through my hair, I get that from him, I know I do, its a hard habit to kick though. "Yeah you like her?" He asks nudging me, I shake my head then shrug my shoulders. "I mean she's okay, but I have other women on my mind." I smile, he laughs. "Annette's way to old for you kiddo." He laughs, she's actually my dream girl, I have my sights on other girls my own age, until Annette realises how perfect I am for her. "Her and Dylan." I smile, I mean Michelle is crazy, wild, but I guess I go for the tamer chicks, what can I say I'm a sensitive guy at heart, although I know I'd get no where with Dylan. "Dylan? Your first girlfriend Dylan?" I nod excitedly, she always makes me smile,   
  
"Yeah, she doesn't want me though." I shrug.  
  
"Why? I thought Alex said all the girls like you?" Apparently they do, all the ones that I don't want. "She says I'm too 'rude and wild.' I'm not rude or wild." I say annoyed.  
  
"I can't see how she got that idea, polite Bryce being rude? Nah not a chance." He laughs sarcastically. "I'm not rude."  
  
"Well if you behave at school, the way you behave at home, then I can see how she got that idea. You are just hitting puberty, hormones, you have all sorts of feel-"  
  
"That's okay Carter, seriously, I don't need this talk." I am rather embarrassed. I am at a beach with tons of beautiful women and he's giving me the 'sex talk.' Its not going to fly. "I'm just saying, that it seems hopeless right now, that you're alone, and I can see how you would think that-" He turns to face me, continuing his speech, "You have a new sister, and another sibling on the way, you are feeling lost in a family that just keeps growing and growing. It use to be you and your mom and now you have three almost four extra people taking up your space, not to mention your bodies changing. Its tough, but I'm here for you, I think though, over the last little while I've lost my head too. I didn't exactly know how to deal with everything that is happening to you, because I had no one to help me when it was happening to me, but I wish I did." He stops to look me in the eye, I think he is starting to get me, maybe not completely, but little by little. "I want you to know, you don't have to succumb to the peer pressure right now, just keep your friends, keep your head, remember when its time to think with what head. Okay?" I laugh, he can be right... sometimes.   
  
I nod my head. Okay so maybe this isn't as bad as I thought it would be. He ruffles my hair, god I spend like 20 minutes on it this morning. That is getting a bit annoying. We keep walking down the beach, reaching the path that curves around the lake. "So... When was your first time?" I see his face fall, he doesn't look too excited. "I was twelve." Okay so maybe the Carter name is a huge turn on for women. But I can tell he's not that happy about it. I want to get laid, now, here, fast by any of those blondes that just passed. "Twelve?" He nods his head. "Must of been one fun ride." He rolls his eyes. I can tell this is touching bitter ground and I drop it. I think this is the most time we've ever spent next to each other without wanting to kill each other. I'm starting to like it. "Dad?" I haven't called him that in weeks. I haven't had a reason to until today. "Yup?" I chew on my bottom lip. "Can we hang out like we used to?" I don't know I miss him. So sue me. "Sure. Once a week. I promise. No matter what." I can't help but smile. I feel a lot better than I did before. I wish I could explain it but I can't. "And dad?" He looks at me questioningly. "When's Annette gonna come visit?" He hits me in the head. What? She's still fucking hot as hell and great in bed. "Not until you are happily married." I roll my eyes. I don't want to create a huge affair and disturbance. I just want to rock her world like it's never been rocked before.   
  
~*~  
  
"So how was your day?" Mom bounces into the front room, overly excited, I want to have sex so bad, but I do not want to knock a women up, the only upside to pregnancy is all the sex, I mean its gotta be amazing sex, because women are bitches when they are pregnant, they have crazy hormones, oh well she's my mom and I love her. "Good." Carter beams, I can tell me not being so mean to him has made his day. "Yeah I heard your pretty hot in the sack." I laugh, "ouch." Someone hit me in the head, I turn around to see Carter giving me the death stare, okay so maybe something we said should just stay on the beach. "What?"   
  
"I heard you don't like to ride horse back." She gives me a weird look, rushes over to dad pulling him into a hug, someone's going to get lucky tonight, to bad its not me. "Oh Bryce, Dylan called." Mom smiles, amazing she called me? I wonder why. This is good news, it would be great news if Annette had been the one calling. Oh well I guess I wake what I can get. "What you guys do?" Mom asks walking over to the play pen to pick up Makayla. "We went to the beach." Dad answers for the both of us.  
  
"John, you brought him somewhere so he can ogle at half naked women?" She sighs, rolling her eyes. "Well yah, I thought it beats the pent house I bought him last week." He shrugs, could he buy me a pent house? I must look really excited because Dad starts to laugh, "put your eyes back in your head son, the only pent houses you are going to be reading are the ones you find behind dumpsters." Hey its works for me.   
  
"Bryce, go call Dylan." She is probably sick of this conversation, I can't see why, its a great conversation to be having. I walk into the kitchen, I watch them hug, they seem pretty happy right now, maybe its true when ever I'm happy so are they. I guess I'm not that big of a burden, maybe they really do love me, I would love dad a lot more if he would just give me Annette's phone number, I'd used protection. Ah well, I guess I should get some experience first, the only problem with Dylan is she could be my true love, then that means I can't have meaningless hook ups. This sex stuff is so confusing.   
  
But I'll figure it out. I mean what is Carter there for? I've really gotta figure out how the hell to get into those fun positions I've found them in before. God. Forget it. I'm turning into my parents. I pick up the phone and dial Dylan's number. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. No answer, her machine comes on. At least I can call her without having to go through her parents since she got her own cell. "Hey Dyllie, it's Bryce. I heard you called so I'm calling back, except your not picking up. Anyways I just wanted to say hi and that I miss you. I'll talk to you later. Love ya." I hang up the phone. Dad walks in giving me this really funny look. "What?" He rolls his eyes. "And you said your mother and I were bad? Hey Dyllie, I miss you.. I love you..." He's mimicking me. That's not fair. That is so completely not fair. "Shut up." Mom walks in with Makalya in her hands and Addison on her heels. "What's going on? Would you leave the kid alone?" She hands me Makalya and wraps her hands around dad, giving him one of those long annoying movie kisses. God. They are worse then two horny teenagers on Viagra. Or one pregnant woman who is horny twenty-four/seven and will kill anyone that does not listen to her. I am not a part of this. I start to get up with Makayla but I'm pulled back into a hug by the both of them, a kiss on both cheeks. God I'm not three anymore. That is just so annoying. "Love ya, Bryce." I start to laugh. Well at least the woman that is most important to me still loves me. "Love you too, mom. Both of you." I hear Addison's grunts on the floor. I kneel down to meet him at eye level. "I love you too Addi." His little face lights up. This is such a sickening family moment. I wish Dylan would call back already. But of course Michelle wouldn't be bad either. I think mom and dad have forgotten I'm still standing in between them. Their hands are places where I can only dream of going right now with Dylan. I take Makalya and Addison into the other room. "Just stay off the damn table, I want to be able to eat there tonight!" Some things will never change, as much as I wanted things to stay the same, they don't. People grow and get older. I've done a lot of that lately, and maybe it's for the better. I just realized I have a family that loves me no matter what. And somehow everything's always going to be okay.  
  
*~REVIEW RESPONSES~*  
  
Kaitlin- hehe Bryce is great.  
  
TooLazyToSignIn- Hey look who it is... Someone who I've missed dearly. Hey before you go and jump down my throat, ummm make sure you are completely clear on a few things. First of all this - Disclaimer- This is my disclaimer for the rest of the story, and anything htat should come before it. The characters are not mine, anything from the show is not either. Poems, Songs, anything like that, does not belong to us!   
  
You can find that in chapter 101, or 26. Just in case you wanted to know. Also those vows... all our own. Not some nonreligious website. lol. I have never visited that site in my life. Neither of us have. So yah know, thanks for all the input, but we didn't screw up this time.  
  
Amanda- Glad you liked the wedding chapter :)  
  
TooLazyToSignIn- again refer to chapter 101, dude HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU???? What's this is what the third time I've had to tell you. Oh and at least have the guts to sign in. I would be nicer to you if you were nicer to me.   
  
Amanda- hehe I missed peace.   
  
Amanda- haha I am such a drama queen too. Haha I like it though.  
  
Kaitlin- yay... :D I'm glad you really liked our chapters, and our story.  
  
smilez4eva- I hope you feel better. :( I am sorry you are sick. It is sad that tomorrow is the last chapter:(  
  
Kaitlin- haha I am glad you liked that line.  
  
janbry- Well she wasn't pregnant that day, but well as you can see they didn't waste any time getting pregnant. lol. Hehe, Makayla is a cute. She doesn't say much or do much and she is only in it for one chapter, but they do have htat little girl people were pushing for. Thanks for reviewing :)  
  
MrsWyle- haha Sappy rocks, lol. Sorta.  
  
ER-Carby-Luva- Thank you so much, I am glad you enjoyed the fic so much. It was a very sentimental chapter wasn't it??? Weddings always are I guess.  
  
hyperpiper91- Thank you. And look you got your Bert.  
  
Tilde8884- hehe we had a bit of a rollercoaster going on over the last few chapters.   
  
carbybubbles- Hey, thank you. But all good things must end I guess. :( 


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